My intention was to go sit in the loft of the barn, but I notice a light coming from inside the stables. Changing direction, I head for the horses instead. I pass each stall until I find the one where the light is coming from. Peering down, I see the palomino mare we named Beauty, lying on her hay with her eyes open. To my surprise, Maddox is in the corner. “You’re still here?”
He stares down at the horse while his hand moves up and down her leg. “Yeah, the vet came and checked her. Said the baby will be arriving any day now, and I didn’t want her to be alone.”
I grin. “City boy might work out, after all.” I enter the stable and sit beside him. “Here.” I hold a bottle of beer out to him. “Don’t tell anybody.” I’ve been seeing a slow change in Maddox since the first day I met him, and he seems to have bonded with the horses. He might not be too bad.
He takes the bottle and pops the top before taking a drink, grimacing at the taste. “How was the show?” His voice is husky and breathless.
I take a long swig. “92.8.”
“That’s good, right?”
I nod. “Yep, one step closer to makin’ my dream come true.”
“Then why don’t you seem very happy about it?”
“Don’t ever fall in love, Maddox.” My head lolls in his direction. “Women ain’t nothin’ but trouble. They lie and keep secrets, and they’ll rip your heart out.”
“I had a girlfriend back in New York. She was the love of my life, or I thought she was. After I told her I was moving, she moved on,” he huffs.
“Damn, women.”
Maddox holds his bottle up. “Cheers to that.” I clink mine against his.
We continue to sit with Beauty until the sun comes up, but there are no signs of her going into labor yet. I send Maddox home before I enter the house. On my way to the bathroom, I see Momma in the kitchen cooking breakfast. “Hey, Momma.”
She spins to face me with a beaming smile. “Cody!” She quickly strides toward me and envelopes me in her motherly embrace. She pulls back and holds my face in her palms. “What’s wrong?” She’s studying me through narrowed eyes.
“Nothin’. I’m fixin’ to go take a shower.”
“No, you’re fixin’ to sit here and talk to me. You’re my son, and it’s written all over your face that somethin’ is botherin’ you.” Doing as I’m told, I sit down at the table across from her. “Talk to me, Son,” she presses
“I’m questionin’ everythin’ I thought I knew. I had this whole plan and dream, and nothing was goin’ to stop me.” I look down at my hands. “I thought if I could just become number one, I would have everythin’ I ever wanted, but then—”
She cuts me off. “Then, you met that girl.”
“Then, I met that girl.” I nod in agreement.
Her brows knit. “What happened with her?”
I blow out a long breath and slouch in the chair. “She wasn’t the person I thought she was.”
She smiles. “You had one weekend with her and some phone calls, Cody. You can’t expect to know someone that fast. I was with your Daddy for years and still learned new things about him all the time.”
“You don’t understand, Momma.”
Her hand covers mine. “You may not think I understand, but I do. How does it make you feel when you ride those bulls?”
“It’s exhilaratin’. It’s a rush of excitement. It’s a feeling of power.”
“And love is the same way, Cody, but the difference is, those rides only last for eight-seconds. This girl, she could make you feel that way your entire life. I’ve watched you grow into this amazin’ young man that your daddy would be proud of. I’ve never seen you give up on anythin’ in your life. Why are you givin’ up on her without too much of a fight?”
“We’re from two completely different worlds.”
“If you let the worlds collide, maybe, just maybe, you’ll find the ride of your life.” She pats my hand. “Go get some rest, you look like you haven’t slept in days.” She stands and goes back to her cooking.
I stay seated for a moment, thinking about her words. Would Momma still feel the same way if she knew what I found out? Shaking the thoughts out of my head, I trek to the bathroom for a hot shower.
“Come on, Cody!” Jake groans while we’re training.
“Shut the fuck up!” I jump back onto the practicing bull, which is nothing more than a metal barrel hanging from ropes. “Again!”
Jake begins tugging on the ropes to make the barrel move. “What’s your deal, man? The last week you’ve been shit. Your show is this weekend, and if you plan on qualifyin’, you’ve gotta get it together.”
“I know when the damn show is. I don’t know what my problem is. All I can think about is Sonya and all those damn fuckin’ bikers.”
Jake lets the ropes go. “Break. Who are you really pissed at? Her, those bikers, or yourself?”
I jump off the barrel and glare at my best friend. “Why would I be pissed at myself?”
He chuckles. “Because of your damn ego. Let me ask you a question.” He crosses his arms over his chest and leans against the barrel. “How many rides have you had since you were eighteen?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. A lot.”
His eyes move up to the ceiling of the barn. “And out of all the weekends, how many buckle bunnies have you fucked?”
“More than I’d care to remember.”
“Ask yourself this, Cody, how can you be pissed at Sonya for her past when you’ve done no better? Let your ego deflate a bit and think about it.” He steps toward me and lays his hand on my shoulder. “You don’t know her story, and you didn’t listen to anythin’ she had to say. Maybe you should talk to her.”
My eyes narrow accusingly. “You’ve been talkin’ to Pudge?”
“Yeah, we’ve talked. You’re my best friend, Cody, always have been since we were kids, that means I can tell you when you’re bein’ an ass. And right now, you’re an ass. You need to figure it out and quick. Are you goin’ to let it fuck your dream of Vegas, or are you goin’ to talk to her?”
Ignoring his question, I snap, “Let’s get back to practicin’.”
It’s been a month since Cody found out my secret, and I’ve gone through my grieving process. I’ve been sad, I’ve been mad, I’ve been angry, and I’ve been hurt. In the beginning, Chayser and Pudge took the brunt of my moodiness, but then I came into acceptance. I’ve accepted that it was my fault for keeping such a secret, and it was my own fault for going back to the club when I should have stayed the hell away.
For the last month, I’ve been evaluating my life and what I want. I’m not going to settle for anything less, whether that means getting Cody back, moving on with Chayser, or finding someone completely new who may come into my life in the future. I realize I’m not stuck in the life I thought I was, and whatever I want, can be mine. I just have to go for it. For now, I’m focusing on my job at Lady Sinners, and I’m staying away from the clubhouse.