“No, he doesn’t. But sometimes, blaming someone is easier than accepting the truth.”
“I just feel like this is karma. That I’m paying my dues for leaving Fallowfield Heights and abandoning Jermaine.”
“Mya, Mya, Mya, for a bright, intelligent girl, you really are quite the fool sometimes. This isn’t karma. This is life. And life can be hard and messy and painful. You got out of Fallowfield Heights because you knew if you stayed, you’d end up hurt again, or worse. Ain’t no life for a girl like you there. Your mama knew that. Keelan knew that. And deep down, Jermaine knew that. Don’t ever feel guilty because you got out. Because you made the hard decision and walked away.”
“Why couldn’t he just let me go?” I cried, clinging onto her. “Why did he have to come back?”
“Because while you were strong enough to let him go, he was weak. Jermaine will pay for his sins, Mya. One way or another he’ll pay.”
Even now, it still didn’t make me feel any better. There had been too much hurt and pain.
“Your guidance counselor called,” Aunt Ciara said. “She’d like to see you tomorrow if you’re up to it?”
Drying my eyes with my sleeves, I nodded. “I should go back to school anyway.”
“That’s my girl. Don’t ever forget who you are and where you came from, Mya. Being born and raised in Fallowfield Heights is a part of who you are but it doesn’t define you.”
“Thank you, for everything.”
“For my favorite niece, anytime.” Her laughter made me smile. We’d had a rocky time recently, but when all was said and done, we were family, and no matter what happened, I knew she would be there for me.
“Hey,” I said as I walked up to Felicity, Hailee, and the guys.
“Mya, thank God.” Felicity enveloped me in a hug. “I’ve been so worried.”
“I’m okay.” I wasn’t, but I would be.
I had to be.
“Hey, Mya.” Hailee hugged me next, concern radiating from her.
“How is he, really?” I asked, my eyes finding the two people who would know better than anyone. But I was greeted with silence.
Eventually Jason cleared his throat. “I’ve got to go, catch you later.” He kissed Flick before heading off into the building.
“Did I do something wrong?” I clutched the strap of my backpack.
“It’s not you.” Felicity gave me a warm smile, but I knew she was lying. Jason blamed me. Just like everyone else in town.
“I have a meeting with Miss Hampstead, I’ll see you later.” Hurrying away from them, I kept my eyes down, trying to block out the low hum of whispers following me.
I heard she’s in a gang.
The bullet was meant for Asher instead.
She should just go back to where she came from before anyone else ends up hurt.
But my once thick skin was worn now and no matter how much I tried to ignore them, their voices only rang louder.
“Mya, come in.”
Miss Hampstead liked to provide service with a smile, and today, despite the circumstances, was no different. I guess that was a prerequisite of being the school guidance counselor; you smiled regardless.
“How are you?”
“I’m holding up, if that’s what you mean.”
“And Asher, is he—”
“Asher is focusing on his mom right now.”
She flinched. “Of course. Well, I really just wanted to make sure you were okay. I know how quickly rumors circulate the halls at school let alone the town.”
“It’s nothing I can’t handle.”
Four months ago, I would have believed that. But that was before Asher had smashed through my walls and buried his way deep inside my heart.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Her expression softened as she relaxed in her chair.
“What is there to say?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Lots of things I should imagine. How did seeing Jermaine again make you feel? How do you feel now he’s been arrested with the probability of spending a long time behind bars? I should imagine it’s put a huge strain on your relationship with Asher. Maybe we should start there?”
“You want to know how I feel?” Miss Hampstead nodded and I sighed. “I’m tired.” My lips thinned, a vortex of emotion swirling inside me.
“I’m tired of people thinking they know about me, about my life. I’m tired of being judged on the color of my skin and not what’s beneath it. I’m tired of people asking me how I am, knowing that they probably won’t like my answer. But most of all, I’m scared. I’m so scared that Juli... Mrs. Bennet won’t pull through and that I’ll lose Asher for good and that I’ll never be able to walk down the street again without people looking at me like I’m the one who pulled the trigger. So yeah, that’s how I’m feeling.”
Silence enveloped us as my words, my pain, hung heavy in the space between us.
“That’s... a lot to carry around with you.”
I drummed my fingers against my thigh, desperate to escape her small office, even if part of me wanted to stay here forever.
“Maybe some time off—”
“You think I should hide?” I scoffed, indignation skittering up my spine. “That’s your solution?”
“Mya, calm down.”
I. Lost. It.
“Don’t tell me to calm down. My ex-boyfriend came here and threatened my boyfriend and his family with a gun. A gun, Miss Hampstead. Mrs. Bennet was shot and everything is falling apart around me and I don’t know how the hell I’m supposed to deal with that.” My chest heaved as I purged all the frustration and anger and fear and heartache.
Asher didn’t need to tell me what, deep down, I already knew.
Regardless of what happened to his mom, we were over.
There would always be a part of him that would blame me, just like there would always be a part of myself that blamed me. We couldn’t move on from that. Even if we did work through it and find our way back to one another, it would always be there. Festering in the background like a wound that refused to heal. Spreading bigger over time. Its poison slowly bleeding into everything around it.
“Here.” She pushed the tissue box toward me. “Feel better?”
“A little, I guess.” I gave her a half-hearted shrug, surprised at how much lighter my chest felt.
“You need to talk, Mya. If not to me, then a friend or your aunt. You’ve been through a lot, and it isn’t over yet.”
“I know.”
The police would want me to testify against Jermaine. I was a crucial witness. But testifying against him could make me a target again. Especially if the police used his gang affiliations to build their case.
“My door is always open, whatever you decide. And try to remember that when people judge you, Mya, it says more about their character than yours.”
“Is that your way of saying we’re done?” I managed a tentative smile, and Miss Hampstead chuckled.
“I have a feeling we’ve dug deep enough today. I know this is hard and things feel like they’ll never fix themselves right now, but you will get through this.”