“Thanks.” Grabbing my bag, I stood up and steeled myself for class. Because something told me if I wanted to survive the next few weeks at school, I was going to need all the strength I could get.
“Hey, Mya,” Cameron jogged up beside me as I was heading out of school. It had been a relief when the final bell rang and I could escape the constant whispers and stares.
“Hey.” This wasn’t awkward, at all.
“Can we talk?” he asked.
“I was going to walk home but I wouldn’t say no to a ride.” It was cold out and thanks to a diet of saltine crackers and milk, my energy levels were low.
“Come on.” Cameron smiled, leading the way to his car. “Ladies first.” The passenger door swung open and he motioned for me to get in.
“I can see why Hailee loves you.”
“I try.” He chuckled, moving around to the driver’s side. “How are you holding up?” Cameron asked as he drove out of the parking lot.
“I’m not going to lie; it’s been a tough few days.”
“You know, I talked to him, tried to make him see this is not your fault.”
“You didn’t need to do that.” My voice quivered but I forced down the tears. I’d cried enough.
“Yeah, I did. Asher needs you, Mya. More than he knows right now. Something’s different with him this semester. He’s... distant and closed off and I sense this building tension between him and his dad. At first, I thought it was just about you. But then he told us he wasn’t going to commit to the Panthers and something didn’t fit. Jason’s right, football was always the dream. Maybe me and Ash don’t stand a chance of going pro like Jase but it’s still in our blood.”
“Why are you telling me all this, Cameron?”
“Because I know he’s pushing you away and I know you’re probably going to let him. And I get it, I do. But what the two of you have, it deserves to be fought for.”
“I can’t be the only one fighting though.” My head dropped back against the seat, a harsh breath leaving my lips. “You know everyone told me he’d hurt me. My aunt, my friends back home, even Miss Hampstead warned me about getting involved with a Raider.”
“You’re talking like you’ve already given up.” His heavy gaze burned into the side of my face but I didn’t look at him.
I couldn’t.
“He won’t even reply to my texts, what would you have me do?”
“Actions speak louder than words, Mya. He’s in a bad place, and I’m worried if someone doesn’t pull him out soon, we’ll lose him.”
His words were like a knife to the heart. I’d walked away once from a boy I loved to save myself, but could I do it again?
Asher wasn’t Jermaine. He would never readily hurt me, but the universe was cruel and unforgiving, and here we were, facing the ultimate test.
A test I wasn’t sure I’d survive.
But if it meant saving Asher...
“I’ll think about it,” I said, before I could take back the words.
“That’s all I ask.” Cameron gave me a gentle nod. “That’s all any of us can ask.”
Chapter Thirty-Two
Asher
“Another, J,” I slammed down the empty glass and flicked it toward him.
“You’re done, Son. I already let you have more than I shoulda.”
“Come on, Jerry. You know what happened. You know my mom is... fuck.” I jammed my fingers in my hair, pulling the ends in frustration, the bite of pain a welcomed reprieve from the constant numbness in my chest.
“I’m real sorry, kid, but you won’t be getting anymore liquor from me. You should go home, Son, get a cold shower and—”
“You know what, J, go fuck yourself.” I pushed back the stool and stood up, swaying as the motion hit me.
“Whoa there.” Jase grabbed my arm steadying me. “Everything okay here?” He eyed me and then glanced over at Jerry.
“Make sure he gets home, okay?”
“Will do.” Sliding his arm around my waist, Jason started dragging me toward the door, but I paused at the last second, looking over my shoulder. The whole room was spinning, but I could see Jerry. Two Jerry’s in fact. “I’m sorry,” I yelled, “about before.”
He waved me off as if it was nothing. But it wasn’t.
It was something.
It was the darkness gnawing at my soul. The growing pit in my stomach with every day that passed and Mom didn’t wake up.
“Come on, man, I got you.” Jason helped me out of the bar and into his car. I landed with a thud, my head rolling against the leather seat.
“You didn’t call,” he said when he climbed in. He and Cameron had been around as much as they could, but they had lives too. School and girlfriends and their own families to worry about. Besides, I knew I was shitty company, slipping further and further into the black hole trying so desperately to swallow me up.
“I just needed some space, ya know?”
“I’m taking you home.”
“No, no.” My voice cracked. “Anywhere but there, please. I can’t stand it there.”
He let out a heavy sigh, raking a hand down his face. “We could go to mine, but Denise has some friends over while Dad is out of town.”
“Just take me anywhere. I don’t care.” I let my head rest on the window and closed my eyes. Alcohol had seemed like a good idea when I’d turned up at Bell’s almost two hours ago. But as the buzz slowly wore off, everything seemed to multiply. It was too much for one brain to handle and I wanted to tear my skin off just so I could breathe.
“I’m losing it,” I murmured, squeezing my eyes so tight the skin around my face pinched.
“You’re not losing it. You’re under an immense amount of stress.”
“I keep dreaming she’s gone. I wake up and go into her room only to find the bed freshly made and all the cards gone.”
“She’s not gone, Asher. And you’re not going to lose her. Your mom will pull through this, I truly believe that.”
We drove in silence after that. I knew Jason probably had heaps of other things he wanted to say but I wasn’t exactly in a receptive mood.
When we pulled up to Felicity’s house, I finally broke the silence. “What the fuck is this?”
“This is my girlfriend’s house,” he deadpanned.
“I can see that, but what the fuck are we doing here?”
“You didn’t want to go home, and we couldn’t go hang out with Denise and her friends, so I brought you to option C.”
“I can’t go in there.” I shook my head.
“Chill. Her parents are out and she’s home alone studying.”
“You’re sure about that?” I couldn’t ask him the words on the tip of my tongue. But he knew.
Of course he fucking knew.
“She’s not here, you have nothing to worry about.”
My eyes slid to the house again. Part of me hated that I felt relieved Mya wasn’t here, but I couldn’t deal with her. Not yet.