God, I didn’t want to think about that. But I knew why Mya was asking the question and she deserved an answer.
“If Mom hadn’t woken up, I would’ve needed you more than ever. Even if I couldn’t see it at the time.”
“I think your friends know you better than you know yourself.”
“Is that so?” I was hardly surprised Cameron had said something to her since he’d chewed me out too.
“You’re lucky to have them. Have you told them the truth yet?”
“No, but I will. Everything’s different now. But I didn’t come here to talk about them, Mya. I came here for you.” Indecision flickered in her eyes and I rushed out, “What you said before, about accepting a place at Cleveland—”
“I changed my mind,” she said a little too quickly. “I’m going to Temple University. They have a great social work program and I want to help communities that need it most.”
“I see.” My heart didn’t just sink, it withered and died in my chest. She’d really moved on. I couldn’t blame her, but fuck, it hurt.
“It’s something I need to do. For me, Asher. I spent most of my life looking out for Jermaine, and then I came here and met you. Even when I said I wouldn’t let myself fall in love again, you went and stole my heart anyway. I can’t be the girl who’s always fighting for someone to love her. Jermaine. My mom. You. I’m tired of fighting. For once I want someone to fight for me. To choose me. But until then, I’m okay with fighting for myself, for going after what I want.”
Mya palmed my cheek, brushing the tip of her nose across mine. The intimate action sent a shiver shooting up my spine. But it was bittersweet. Even when she fixed her mouth over mine, kissing me hard, letting her tongue slip between my lips and stroke my tongue, I knew it wasn’t the ending I’d hoped for.
It was Mya’s way of saying goodbye.
But screw that.
She couldn’t walk away, not again. Not when I’d bared my soul to her and laid all my cards out on the table.
“I won’t let you walk away,” I murmured against her, deepening the kiss. “I won’t lose you again, Mya.” Emotion clogged my throat and I finally broke away, inhaling a ragged breath. “I can’t lose you.”
Mya lowered her face, looking up at me through thick lashes. “Then fight for me, Asher,” she said before turning and walking away.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Mya
“He’s watching you again,” Felicity whispered, hardly being discreet about the fact she was watching Asher watch me.
He was finally back at school, although I’d heard he wasn’t doing all his classes. Things were relatively normal again in the halls of Rixon High. I’d barely heard my name whispered in class and if I entered a room, people looked away rather than staring like I was about to pull a gun on them and fulfil the stereotype.
It was almost as if someone had told them to back off, but I didn’t want to make assumptions.
“Quit it.” I nudged Felicity in the ribs, and she sprayed a mouthful of soda everywhere.
“What?” She played dumb. “I wasn’t doing anything.”
“You’re staring at him.”
“But he looks so... so—”
“Desperate?”
“I was going to say lost.”
“Flick...” It wasn’t like I couldn’t feel Asher watching. His gaze was like a laser, smoldering into the top of my head as I pretended to eat my lunch.
“You should talk to him.”
“I’m good, thanks.” Surprisingly, it was the truth. I missed Asher something fierce. I missed being part of the group. But I couldn’t deny that since I’d walked away from him, I also felt empowered.
While I accepted his apology, I hadn’t just rolled over and given in to him. I’d stood tall and put myself first for once. In some ways, I had Asher to thank for giving me the push I needed to embrace my future at Temple University. Going out of state for college would have only been me running further away, and deep down, I didn’t want that. I needed to own all the parts of me: the girl from the hood; the girl trying to find herself in a town that didn’t accept her; and the girl I knew I could become. I was all those parts and if someone was going to love me, they had to accept all of me.
“You’re really going to do this, huh?” Felicity pulled me from my thoughts. “You’re really going to make him suffer?”
“I’m not making him suffer, Flick. But I’m not going to just roll over either. He hurt me, really hurt me. Part of me gets it, after what happened to his mom. But I’ve had a lifetime of pain to deal with. Next time I trust someone with my heart, it’ll be because they earned it.”
“But look at him... I mean, he’s so... sad.”
Before I could stop myself, I’d looked over at Asher’s table. He was surrounded by his teammates, the conversation and laughter going on all around him, but his eyes were fixed right on me.
I inhaled a shaky breath. Of course, it wasn’t the first time I’d stolen glances of him around school. I always knew when he was nearby. Just because we were no longer together didn’t mean the connection between us was severed. If anything, it burned brighter; snapping taut whenever our paths crossed. But it was easier to resist the pull now. Easier to ignore.
At least, that’s what I kept telling myself.
In that one simple look, Asher was able to tell me everything I didn’t want to hear.
He was sorry.
He loved me.
He wanted me back.
But words weren’t enough, not this time.
I was the one to break our connection, to lower my eyes and focus on the food in front of me. Felicity grumbled beneath her breath, clearly frustrated at my behavior. But this was one thing she couldn’t fix.
The only person who could was sitting across the cafeteria.
And even then, I wasn’t sure there was anything left he could do to make me change my mind.
“This was a great idea,” I said to Felicity as I helped her herd the last couple of puppies into the tub. “I feel better already.”
“It’s impossible not to love these little guys, even if they get overexcited at bath time.” She scrubbed a spaniel’s ear, sending the tiny ball of fluff into an excited frenzy. “Quick,” she shrieked, “grab a towel.”
Laughing, I leaned over and helped myself to a freshly folded towel. It was my second time helping Felicity out at A Brand New Tail, the local pet shelter where she volunteered a couple nights a week, but I hadn’t been here since pre-Asher.
I’d forgotten how good for the soul the little furballs could be.
“So are we hitting The Alley after we get done?” I asked drying Maximus off while she handled his brother Caesar.
“Actually,” she peeked over at me, “we’re… hangingatmyhousewiththeguys.”
“Felicity, seriously?”
“I’m sorry, but when I told Jason we were hanging out with Hailee, he got all needy and jealous and wanted to come with us, and I thought it would be less awkward if we all hung out at mine.”