“But Carmen better chill. She’s obviously still racked with guilt for what she did last year. Why else is she shipping them so hard?”
“I don’t know why she hasn’t just told Ella yet. Carmen should just say the truth—‘you and Pete were broken up and the five minutes behind the flower wall wasn’t worth losing my friendship with you but I messed up.’ ”
“Do you think Ella would forgive her?”
“Probably. You know she’s kind of a pushover with Carmen.”
With that last remark, I can no longer bite my tongue. I swing open the stall door. Behind Jess and Katie, I see my reflection staring back at me in the mirror. There’s a look of determination on my face. I’m ready to demand answers.
“Who did I break up with Pete for?” I ask. I don’t even care that Carmen kissed Pete at this point, now that I know there’s something even bigger they’re keeping from me. My voice sounds angry because I am. All this time my friends knew things that I didn’t and they chose to keep them hidden from me. So much for always having each other’s backs. Both Katie’s and Jess’s mouths drop like they’ve seen a ghost. “Tell me,” I say, raising my voice this time.
They’re silent. I stare at them, waiting for them to say something—anything—when the bathroom door whishes open. It’s Carmen, of all people. She widens her eyes at me, but then she looks at Jess and Katie, who still look like deer caught in headlights.
“What’s wrong?” she asks.
“Nothing,” I answer for them. “They were just about to tell me why I broke up with Pete last year.”
She whips her head at them and that’s all I need to know. She knew too.
“Oh, and this was after they already said that you made out with Pete.”
Her cheeks flame in a way I haven’t seen before, even brighter than her dress. She’s completely guilty.
“You three disgust me,” I say, my voice seething. “All this time you watched me struggle with losing my memories and you decide to keep them from me. For what? So you can keep this fake image going that we’re best friends? Because you care so much what other people think? What about me?”
“Calm down,” Carmen says, grabbing my arms. “Let me explain.”
I rip myself away from her.
“Explain what? Explain that you’re a terrible friend?” Then I say the one thing that I know will hurt her the most. “No wonder I ditched you for Sarah Chang.”
She looks at me angrily, like she wants to slap me. But the damage is done. It feels like the one thread holding our best friend bracelet together has snapped. “Do you know how good a friend I’ve been to you this whole year? Poor me. I was in an accident and I can’t remember it. Do you know how annoying that’s been? I mean, really. Who knew you’d have a pity party for yourself that long? Meanwhile, we knew that accident was the best thing that ever happened to you. Before it happened, you were throwing everything good out of your life. Pete. Me. But please tell me how bad a friend I am again. There won’t be another accident for you to get a third chance.”
I stare at her in disbelief. It feels like the pieces of our friendship are scattered on the floor and I can’t pick them up to put it back together. Or admit it that if I try to put it back together, it’s only going to break again.
“I don’t want another chance,” I finally say. “I want to remember walking away from you.”
I storm out of the bathroom, wiping my eyes. Ashley’s at the edge of the dance floor with Steve because some pop song is on. She smiles when she sees me and waves me over. It’s only as I get closer and she can see the anger on my face that her smile fades.
“What’s wrong?” she asks.
I want to tell her everything. I want to ask her what she knew too. But I’m so angry I can’t bear to be mad at her too.
“Give me your keys,” I say.
She grabs my shoulders. “You’re going to drive? Are you feeling okay?” she asks.
All I do is nod.
“Where are you going?” she asks, reaching into her silver clutch. She pulls out her keys and I grab them before she changes her mind.
“Tell Mom I’m sleeping at Katie’s or something.”
At this moment it feels like I’m never going to talk to her again, but my mom doesn’t know that.
“Where are you actually going?” Ashley asks, but I don’t even know the answer to that. All I know is I need to get away—away from everyone who has been lying to me.
I storm out of the dance like I stormed out of the bathroom, only stopping at the flower wall to interrupt Sarah Chang, who is getting her picture taken.
The photographer looks at me, annoyed. “Can’t you see there’s a line?” he asks, gesturing toward the one wrapping outside.
“One second,” I snap back.
Sarah’s eyes are wide when I turn back. “Are you okay?” she asks. I wonder if she can see the tears that are still floating in my eyes.
“I just want to say I don’t remember, but I found out we were friends. I don’t know why you didn’t want to tell me. You know what? It’s okay. We should talk. Just not now. I’m heading out. Enjoy the dance,” I say, leaving her with her mouth wide open as the photographer takes her photo.
* * *
Before I know it, I’m out in the parking lot, searching for the car, my heels clacking loudly on the pavement. It’s freezing, and of course I’m coatless because I didn’t want to worry about it at the dance, so I’m walking around the empty parking lot with my arms and legs exposed to the cold air. I feel little goose bumps on my skin, fully raised. They only rise higher when I reach my car because there’s a voice behind me.
“Ella, please don’t leave me.”
I know it’s Carmen before I spin around. Once I do, she continues.
“Can we please just talk about this?”
“Talk about what, Carmen? How you made out with my ex-boyfriend? Or worse, how you’ve been lying to me about everything for a full year?”
Just when I think I can’t be any madder at her, she reaches into her clutch and pulls out a paper heart. My mouth drops.
“I’ve been thinking a lot since our fight….I was planning on giving this to you tonight.”
“How long have you had that?” I ask. It’s my tenth paper heart. I’ve been so close to the end and she’s been keeping it from me, just like she’s kept everything else.