It takes me a few seconds to return her embrace, but when I do, I’m glad I did.
There’s never been anything between Willow and me, aside from the fact I know her brother would castrate me if I ever were to touch her—me and any of the boys—it’s just never been like that between us. To me, she is just one of the guys. Just slightly better to look at.
“Okay, let’s do this. I can do this.”
27
Ruby
The journey home is excruciating. Stephen’s anger never leaves. Every time he pins Mom with a look, I swear she’s about to go up in flames. Mom looks to be on the edge of bursting into tears every thirty seconds, regret clear to see swimming behind them. I, on the other hand, am just numb.
The farther I get from him, the more I feel like I left something behind.
As much as I suspected it was coming, his rejection hurts.
There’s barely a word spoken between the three of us the entire trip. I spend the entire time with a painful knot in my stomach and a lump in my throat that stops me from eating or doing anything that might be a distraction.
It’s not until we’re finally home and I’m able to lock myself in my room that I pull my cell out of my purse and turn it back on.
I know that everyone is expecting me home today, but I’ve missed practice now so I’m hoping I’ll be able to hide in here until Monday morning rolls around and I have little choice but to rejoin the world once more.
Flopping down on my bed, the familiarity of it makes me sigh and I wish I could curl up under the sheets and never emerge again.
Flipping onto my back, I turn my cell on and wait to see if I have anything from anyone.
A notification pops up with a message from a @queenwillow. Despite everything, a smile twitches at my lips. I like Willow.
Tapping the Instagram app, I find her message.
Willow: I hope you don’t mind me reaching out. I’m just worried. How is he?
All the air I didn’t know I was holding in rushes out of me as I press my head back into the pillow and close my eyes.
How is he? I wish I knew.
Ruby: Of course not. I just got home... without him. He made me leave. He’s... not good.
I squeeze my eyes closed, willing the tears to stop as I think about the look in his eyes, the hurt, the desperation.
I tell myself that this is what he wanted, and not only that, it’s the right thing to do. Just look at our parents, because of us they are now falling apart. I might not have heard anything from them yet, but I know an argument is brewing between them, and it’s going to be all our fault.
Staring at my screen through blurry eyes, I read her response.
Willow: I’ll go check in on him. Everything will be okay.
Ruby: Will it?
My hands shake as I lower my cell. I’m pretty sure I already know the answer to that question, and it doesn’t involve any of Willow’s positivity.
Not really wanting to read her answer to that question, I lift my cell again and change the subject.
Ruby: How’s Axel?
Willow: Still an ugly mofo. He’ll survive.
Annoyed that I’m surrounded by the scent of airplane and his lingering smell, I climb from my bed, pull out a clean set of underwear and pajamas, and head through to my bathroom in the hope I can wash the last few days off of me.
I knew going to Seattle was a bad idea. Why wouldn’t anyone listen to me?
I stand under the water for so long that my skin begins to wrinkle but I know I can’t hide in here forever.
Finally, I turn the water off and step out, wrapping towels around me, I turn to look at myself in the mirror above the sink.
I look tired, no, exhausted. The circles under my eyes are darker than I think I’ve ever seen them, and my skin is pale. I guess there’s no hiding how I’m feeling on the inside.
I do everything I can to distract myself but there’s not all that much I can do while in here, so I pull my pajamas on and walk back to my room.
Two people sitting on my bed scare the crap out of me, but the second my panic subsides, and I look into their eyes, I can’t stop the flood of tears.
“Oh shit.”
“Ruby.”
I have no idea who says what, and I don’t really care as both Harley and Poppy wrap their arms around me and hold tight.
“I messed up,” I admit once I can get some words out.
“No, girl. You didn’t. He did.”
“N-no,” I argue, but it’s pointless because Harley pulls back and looks at me with a raised brow. “Okay, so he’s partly to blame.”
“Partly?”
“Yeah, it’s not like he forced himself on me. I was just the stupid girl who fell for it.”
“You’re not stupid, Rubes,” Poppy says softly. “Some boys have a way of making us lose our minds.”
“Well, I’m pretty sure I left my mind here while my body fucked off to Seattle.”
“We brought pizza and ice cream.”
I sigh at her words because despite not really wanting to eat, my stomach is growling to be filled.
“You can tell us all about it as we stuff our faces with carbs.”
“How’s practice? Are we ready for the weekend?”
“Everything is good, Ruby. You don’t need to worry.”
Poppy opens the pizza box, allowing the scent of cheese and tomato to permeate the air, and my stomach growls louder. She offers me the first slice and I take it, eagerly. Then, I go back to the very beginning. It’s only days ago that we walked out of that airport in favor of Stephen’s car but right now, it feels like it was a lifetime ago.
“So when’s he coming back?” Harley asks.
I shrug. “No idea. But he has Stephen’s car, so I guess he’ll need to at least return that at some point. If he doesn’t just drive it straight off a cliff,” I say with a sad laugh.
“He wouldn’t, would he?” Poppy asks, concern pulling her brows together.
“Honestly, I have no idea. I’m pretty sure he’s already hit the self-destruct button, I guess we just need to see how far he takes it.”
I blow out a slow breath. Praying that he’s not going to do something stupid, but equally not feeling all that confident about it. I think of Nat. We’ve been gone a good few hours now, I wonder if he’s already gone to search out her services.
The rest of the weekend drags. I spend Sunday working out and getting ready for a week of insane practices and then nationals. I tell myself not to look at my cell because he won’t have reached out, and although I’m right, it doesn’t stop me from checking every hour or so just in case.
Willow messages a few times trying to reassure me that he’ll be okay, that she’s seen him but even her words don’t make me feel any better.
I’m still a mess when I walk into the gym early Monday morning. I’m the first—seeing as I can’t sleep—aside from Chelsea who’s setting up.
“You’re back,” she says with delight when she spots me.