“It’s hard to say where Mett is concerned. Maybe you just need to tell him what it is you want, without being too demanding. I don’t think he’ll respond well to that, but you will need to make it clear what could happen if it doesn’t happen.” Jake pulls D tighter into him, and I mull over his words.
Tell him what I want, but don’t make demands. I can do that, I think.
By the time I make it back to my room, I’m practically quaking in my pumps. I don’t know if I can do this, especially with them all here, because they are. Emmet is sitting on my coffee table, Tucker and Thallon are on the sofa, and Aeron is leaning against the counter. Because, of course, One gets a real kitchen. I mean, I love it, but I don’t think the oven got used before I moved in.
“Aer says you have something you need to say to us. What’s wrong, Star?”
“I need to ask you guys something first, all of you.” I play with my hands, as their stares burn through my skin. “I don’t n-need to know h-how you feel, but am I just another number to you?” look at them all in turn, and Emmet grinds his teeth as he stares at me.
“Of course not, didn’t I make it clear enough before? You’re a Harkwright girl, that means you’re family. Not just another number.”
“I agree, Tiny One, you’re more than that, and I know Aer feels the same.”
“I don’t think my opinion is really needed here, but to me, One is just to show us where your room is, nothing more,” Thallon adds on, and I bite back my smile, as I breathe in and out deeply. Preparing myself to say what I need to.
“Okay, then I have a proposition for you all. I will give you everything I have. No more secrets or lies between us. If you can’t, then I ask... no, I beg that you drop the nicknames. If all you want is an Academy girl, then treat me like one. Stop making me hope for more than I have any right to want, and I will act like the rest of them. Smile when it’s required, and bow my head whenever you walk into a room. I will ask you for nothing, but if you agree and you want every part that I have to give, then I will tell you all my secrets, and the only rule is, there can’t be any backlash.” I squirm on the spot, suddenly doubting the surety I projected in my voice. Did I ask for too much? Will they even consider it?
“It’s up to you, Emmet. I don’t think any of us have a problem with agreeing to that,” Tucker says, and the other two nod their heads in agreement.
“That’s a lot to ask for, Star. Why should I agree?” He pushes up from the table and moves towards me.
“I’m not saying you should, but this is me. This is the girl you will see when I no longer have to live by your Sir’s rules. If you don’t like that, then maybe I should just be One to you.” I swallow over the lump in my throat. There's a void in my chest that threatens to grow bigger, the more time that passes, and he doesn't say a word.
“Okay, whatever you say will remain in this room, no consequences. I promise. Now then, reveal your truths, Star.”
“When I first came here, I-I-I had a relationship with C-C-Cole. I realized I didn’t love him and I called it off, but I still broke the rules.” My hands tremble, as he captures them, and places them flat against his stomach.
“No punishment, I can live with that.”
His words throw me off kilter, and I feel braver all of a sudden, as though I can tell him about Darius. Maybe it won’t be as bad as I conjured in my mind.
“I also slept with Darius, and would like him to be a part of our arrangement.” I look at him with a hesitant smile, as he steps away. Almost as though my touch burns.
“I’m going to fucking kill him,” he shouts, as he pushes me out of the way, and charges for the door.
Thallon wraps his arm around his neck in no time, and keeps him from making it outside. Tucker moves to stand before the door, and Emmet roars out his frustration.
“You said no consequences, you promised,” I shout out, as Aeron grips my arm and keeps me out of his reach.
“Then I guess I’m going to break that one pretty damn quick,” he sneers, as he drives his elbow into Thallon, but he doesn't lessen his hold around his neck.
“Fine, but know this. If you can break it that easily and fast, then when you propose, I won’t even hesitate to say no.”
Every mouth drops open, even mine wants to. I hadn’t planned on saying that, so where the hell did it come from?
“So, if I leave him alone, you’ll marry me?” he sneers, and I quickly shake my head.
“I’m not saying I’ll marry you, only that there won't be any chance if you hurt him or get him fired. You don’t want him to be a part of this, then fine, but I won’t let you punish him. Not when I hold as much blame as he does.” My voice is thick, clogging on the emotions that are running rampant through me.
“Get him out of the hallway, if I see him, I won’t stop. I can’t even look at her right now.” he cuts his eyes away from me and my heart and soul splinter. Tucker disappears out the door, and it isn’t long before he steps back in to give the all clear.
Thallon releases Emmet, and he walks away, without looking back, not even for a second.
It’s been fourteen days since I told Emmet about Darius. He walked out of the Academy that day, and hasn’t been back since. Darius hasn’t been here either, and I’m beyond freaking out by this point. His stand in is watching over me. He’s nice and friendly, but it isn’t the same. I don’t understand what is going on. Where is Emmet? What has he done with Darius?
Valentine’s Day passed in a blur, the guys tried to make an effort, but my heart wasn’t in it. I feel bad for not making more of an effort, it’s just hard to focus amidst all this uncertainty.
“Lu, you okay?” Maddox sits down across from me in the library, and I give a weak smile.
“I’m coping, just worried,” I say quietly, as he squeezes my hand across the table.
“It’ll be okay. I hear you’re going away in the beginning of March. Are you looking forward to it?”
“I didn’t know I was going anywhere. Do you know where I’m going?” I tilt my head to the side, as I gnaw on the inside of my cheek.
“No, Aeron said you were going with him and Emmet.” His cheeks turn red as he strokes the back of his neck, and I lean forward.
“When did he say this?” Does that mean that Emmet doesn’t hate me?
“This morning. You really haven’t heard anything from Emmet?” He looks so confused, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to say.
“Not a word, it scares me, if I’m honest with you. Nothing I can do about it now though, tell me about you. Have you spoken to Matty since you got back from Thanksgiving?” I squeeze his hand more as he stares at the table top, his eyes stare intently at an ink stain.
“No, my calls don’t even go through anymore. I’m just going to let him go, I don’t want to make things any harder. Sometimes, it’s easier to just let go, whether you want to or not.” He pushes his chair back and gets up, but I don’t let go of his hand. “Um, Lu, I kind of need my hand back.”
“If something is worth fighting for, then it’s worth holding onto as well. I don’t think you should chase him, but I also don’t think you should give up hope just yet. He’s crazy if he doesn’t get the urge to reach for the phone and call you.”