“Anything we can do to help?” Felix asks.
“Nah. But thanks.”
Felix pours me a coffee. I take it, lost in thought. A legal conversation about my ex was the last thing I felt like this morning.
Felix heads off to shower, leaving me alone with Tash. I have no idea where the other guys have gone.
Tash takes a deep breath. “Hey, I just want to say, I don’t expect anything from you because of what happened last night.”
I give her a measured look. “Okaaayyy…”
“It’s just…I don’t know. I’m not sure what you want, and with our careers and everything else…”
“Are you breaking up with me?” I ask lightly.
“No! Of course not!” she pauses. “I didn’t even realise…”
I laugh. “Relax. I don’t have any expectations about you or this.” I point my fingers between the two of us. “I know I really like you, but I’m also pretty messed up at the moment, and I don’t want to inadvertently cause you any pain.”
“I can handle myself. But I have Daisy to consider…and work. I need to make sure they don’t suffer in any way.”
“I totally understand. Can we just let the situation unfold naturally?”
“That’s fine with me.”
I go over to where she’s sitting on a barstool and tilt her chin up to meet my face before kissing her softly. “Thank you for being awesome.”
She swallows. “You’re awesome.”
***
Tash
Lincoln is heading to Canberra later in the day, and he has another press thing to do before he leaves, so Felix drives me back to the airport at lunchtime. When I said goodbye to Lincoln, I told him I’d leave it up to him to dictate the level of contact we had from this point on. He still has a big chunk of his tour left, so we’d be limited to chatting on the phone or online until sometime in October.
I get home and immerse myself back into life with Daisy and my expanding empire. It’s quite a feat, juggling the school routine, my online business, and ensuring the supermarket roll-out continues to go smoothly, so the only time I really get to think about my love life is when I’m alone at night in bed.
Lincoln sends a couple of quick text messages over the following week, mostly thanking me again for going to Sydney and saying he’s looking forward to when we can next catch up.
And then from the second week on, I don’t hear anything at all. I stalk his Instagram for clues of what might be happening, but he only posts images from the tour and information regarding the band.
I message Felix to see how he’s doing, but also to indirectly ask whether he’s heard from Lincoln, but I don’t get any insight there either.
It’s quite disappointing, but a tiny part of me always sort of expected this to happen. I should be grateful I got to be part of Lincoln’s world for the time I was.
And then two things happen in very quick succession.
It’s six whole weeks since I was with Lincoln in Sydney when he texts me late one night.
We just finished our last show on the tour, and I’d like to see you when I get home. Is that OK?
I write back. Sure. Call me when you’re settled in.
The next day, it occurs to me that my period is late.
And a trip to the pharmacy confirms it.
I’m pregnant.
TWENTY-THREE
Lincoln
The tour passes in a blur. Each day, we’re either flying or driving to a new town, or rehearsing. We don’t usually play live Monday to Wednesday, but a lot of the downtime gets eaten up with travelling. Very occasionally, I get to explore the city we’re in, but mostly I try to catch up on sleep or talk to Carter about the latest developments with Rachel.
In the week after Sydney, I text Tash a few times to see how she’s doing. I loved our night together, and I could quite possibly see us exploring something when I’m home. But then in the week after that, Carter sends through an email that shatters me, leaving no room for thoughts of new relationships.
Rachel has now decided she wants the whole house and still refuses to let me see the girls. The only concession she’ll make is a Skype chat once a month, and an in-person visit once a year, for ONE weekend, in the UK, that will be supervised by an agreed-upon intermediary.
I can’t believe she thinks that’s being generous. I should have listened to Carter at the beginning and gone for paternity fraud. The money doesn’t bother me, so I could almost deal with giving her the house if she allowed me real access to the girls, but to only give me two damn days out of a whole year is not acceptable. I immediately call Carter.
“I thought we’d agreed on half the house and a meaningful amount of time with the girls.”
“Yeah, well, I guess she thinks since you’re trying to avoid court, it gives her more leverage to get what she wants.”
“I can’t do this, Carter.” I stare bleakly out the window. I’m in a small town in Western Australia, on our way to Perth. I wish I could enjoy the experience more, and what has so far been one of the highlights of my career. But Rachel seems intent on destroying everything good in my life.
“We can still sue. Although, she did mention that your name isn’t on the girls’ birth certificates, so that might make things more difficult.”
How did I not know I wasn’t on their birth certificates? I think back to when we had to send away the paperwork, and vaguely recall her telling me she’d taken care of it. I suppose I never thought to look at it once it arrived in the mail.
I’m so angry, I can barely get the next words out.
“Tell her she can have half the house and I want to bring the girls back to Australia four times a year for two weeks each trip. And I’m allowed to visit them in the UK whenever I’m there. I don’t want to go to court but tell her I won’t hesitate if she’s not reasonable.”
“Okay. I’ll keep you posted. I’m sorry, Lincoln. I see this stuff all the time, but it still sucks to watch my clients go through it.”
“Thanks, dude. I’ll wait to hear from you.”
After hanging up, I check the time. The guys will be wanting to have dinner soon.
I start composing a text to Tash, telling her I’m thinking about her, but that I need a bit of time to sort my life out before getting in touch again. I hope she understands. It’s not fair on her if I don’t have the emotional availability she deserves.
Beau enters our hotel room. “Link, buddy. We’re starving. You coming to eat with us?”
I shove my phone in my pocket and stand up. “Of course.”
I follow him out to the elevator. The call with Carter plays over and over in my head.
I hope he manages to convince Rachel’s lawyer that my suggestion is fair. The idea of a court case makes me feel sick, but I’ll do it if it means I have a better chance of seeing Isabella and Madison properly again.
***
As the weeks wear on, I’m grateful the tour allows the guys and me a chance to bond more. We were always good friends, but being forced to spend an extended period of time together has really given us an insight into each other’s lives. I don’t want to bring them down by telling them what Rachel is putting me through, so when we talk about women, I occasionally mention Tash. I take their good-natured ribbing in the spirit it’s intended.