“Dude, you should have taken some time off before jumping into another relationship. Enjoy the backstage benefits on tour.”
“It’s not much of a relationship right now, but I hope that it will be at some point. Which means, I’m not going to jeopardise that.” I don’t tell them I probably wouldn’t indulge, no matter what the situation was. I’m just not a casual hookup kind of guy.
But either way, throughout the tour, I’ve hung back after a few shows, and I know for a fact the guys aren’t indulging in mass orgies either. I think the most I’ve seen is Jesse make out with one girl in Hobart. I know the guys like the idea of the sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll lifestyle, but they’re not living it. And life on the road isn’t like the image portrayed in the movies anyway.
It’s actually quite an exhausting and inconvenient process. While we are lucky enough to be paid for the gigs and have our accommodation and travel covered, Max hasn’t exactly been throwing money at us. We travel in a cramped van most of the time and fly economy when we have to cross large spaces quickly. I’ve learned to switch off from the world with my noise-cancelling headphones and my favourite true crime podcast on the longer journeys.
The shows have been everything I could possibly hope for, though. The crowds have been amazing everywhere, and they’ve responded so well to our setlist, which we slightly changed over the tour to include a few more originals. The guys and I have talked about planning a full album once we get back to Brisbane. After that, we’ll talk to Max and see if he’s interested in helping us sign with a label.
Our final show was tonight in western New South Wales. The guys are all in one of the other hotel rooms celebrating, but I chose to come back to my room and chill out for a bit.
I’ve barely heard from Carter, apart from a few generic emails saying he’s still working on a deal. I’ve managed to compartmentalise my feelings in order to stay sane. If I dwell too much on the fact that I might only get two days a year with my girls, I will lose it completely.
I open Instagram and flick through my feed, stopping at Tash’s account. She’s posted a new bento box, one with a Nintendo Mario theme. I can’t believe how talented that woman is. I click the heart beside the image. And then I realise I’ll be home tomorrow, and I can finally see her again. That is, if she wants to see me. She never replied to my last message, which I have to admit is a little worrying, but I hope it just means she understood the situation.
I open up my texts and am about to compose a new message when I see that I never finished typing the previous one. Holy crap. I know even if it had gone through, it wouldn’t have been an ideal situation, but it would have been better than nothing. Tash must think I completely abandoned her for the whole tour!
I type quickly, telling her I’d like to see her when I get home. I want to apologise and explain everything now, but I think it would be best if I did it in person. It’s only a two-and-a-half-hour drive back to Brisbane tomorrow, so I’ll head straight to her place.
I’ve realised I need her in my life, regardless of what happens with Rachel and the twins.
Because I think we’re a really good match, and I want to make her feel as happy as she makes me.
TWENTY-FOUR
Tash
Shit. I don’t know how this happened. Lincoln and I were really careful, and admittedly, things got a little out of control in the shower that night, but we didn’t actually have sex until we were in the bedroom afterwards and he was wearing a condom.
It must have broken somehow. It had been so long since I’d slept with anyone, I might not have realised anything was wrong. That whole night is a blur now. I’d had a few drinks, but I wasn’t completely drunk. I one hundred percent remember seeing the condom.
Oh God. What am I going to do? I’m a single mother with an expanding business. And how will Lincoln react? He’s barely coping with his existing family drama. How’s he going to handle this news?
I figure I’ll have a couple of days before I have to deal with him, since he’ll be coming home today, and I told him to only call me once he’s settled.
I’ll need that time to process this in my own head. Except I’m not sure any amount of time will help me come to terms with this situation.
I text Millicent and tell her I need her to come over. The kids are at school, and thankfully my bestie works from home.
I can be there in an hour. Is that all right?
I text back in the affirmative.
I pace around the house, my heart pounding, and then I freak myself out, wondering if my stress is harming the baby. I take a few deep breaths until I finally feel my pulse slow.
In what feels like no time at all, there’s a knock at the door. I look at my watch. It’s only been twenty minutes. I guess Millicent was able to get away sooner. I wonder if she’s psychic and somehow knew it was important to be here immediately.
“You know me too…” I trail off as I open the door.
Lincoln is standing there.
I almost swallow my tongue. “Uh, hey!”
“Were you expecting someone else?” he asks, eyes twinkling.
“Oh, just Millicent. She said she was going to drop by. Wow! I didn’t think I’d see you so soon.”
“I got straight in my car as soon as we arrived in Brisbane. I haven’t even been home yet. But I have been a terrible communicator…”
“You have,” I agree. And then wonder if I really should be doing the guilt trip thing, considering the news I’m about to drop on the guy.
“I want to apologise. I actually started writing you a message back when I was in WA, and I forgot to send it. Can I come in so we can talk?”
“Yes, of course.”
He leans in and hugs me. I hug him back and wonder if he can already tell there’s something different about me. But of course he wouldn’t know. I wouldn’t even know except for that stupid little plastic stick with the blue line.
He stands back for a moment and looks at me. Under any other circumstance I would shiver, because that expression is one of someone I know cares about me, despite the radio silence.
I lead him into the living room.
“Did you want anything to drink? Or eat?” I offer.
“No, that’s fine. Actually, maybe some water if that’s okay?”
“That’s definitely okay.” I pour us both glasses and take them over to the couch.
“How was the tour?” I ask.
“It was good. We sold out nearly every show. We’re now hoping Max will represent us permanently and help us score a recording deal.”
“Oh! That sounds exciting. If you sold out all your shows, I’m sure he’ll be interested.”
“Exactly.”
I study his face. He doesn’t look as happy as he should. “But?” I prompt.
“Oh, the music stuff is fine. More than fine. It’s just everything else. I owe you a huge explanation. I’m not usually the kind of guy who sleeps with someone and then never speaks to them again.”
“I didn’t think you were. And I told you up front I was happy to go by your schedule. I knew you had the tour and other stuff to deal with.”
“It’s true the tour was all-consuming, but that’s not the reason I wanted space. I just didn’t want to drag you into the mess I was in with Rachel.”