I’m trying to find the right moment to explain my own news to Lincoln, but he keeps talking. I figure a few extra minutes won’t make a difference. And to be honest, I’m a little worried about his reaction. This might be the last time we have a friendly conversation.
“Is everything sorted out with her now?”
“Not exactly, but I hope to hear something from my lawyer soon. Either way, I’ll be selling my house, so I’ll organise that over the next few weeks. The main thing I’m trying to work out is how to see the girls again. Rachel is being a little difficult in that regard.”
“Oh. Does that mean you might have to relocate to the UK?” My heart stops, waiting for the answer.
“No, no, nothing like that. But I will probably go over at some point. The only problem is, Rachel registered the twins’ birth certificates without my name down as the father, so I’m going to have limited rights moving forward.”
My mouth drops open. “She left you off the birth certificates?” I mean, I know I did the same to Daisy’s dad, but that was because he made it very clear he didn’t want to be a part of her life. I would never do that to someone I was in a serious relationship with.
He rubs his face with his hands. “Yeah. It’s all a big mess.”
Crap. I can’t drop my news on him now, can I?
“Anyway, I needed to tell you that I want you in my life, but it might be a little messy. I’m not sure if that’s something you’re willing to commit to, and I will totally understand if you’d rather not.” He’d been looking down at the floor while talking but gazes up at me from behind those curls while waiting for my response. A small trace of a hopeful smile plays on his lips.
I let out a deep breath.
“You think things are messy now…”
He narrows his eyes.
“I…uh…I’m actually pregnant.”
His eyes widen. “What?”
“I’m not sure what happened, but I’m guessing something went wrong that night we were in Sydney…”
“The baby’s mine?” he asks, stunned.
“Yes! I haven’t slept with anyone else. I haven’t slept with anyone other than you since Daisy’s dad!”
Lincoln looks like he’s going into shock. And while I’m trying to be the strong, sensible one here, it’s pretty damn hard, especially considering what happened the last time I announced to someone I was pregnant.
There’s a knock at the door. It takes a second for me to remember I’d invited Millicent over. I look at Lincoln apologetically and go to let her in.
“Okay, what’s going on? Your message was vague but urgent.”
I nod my head towards the living room. “I’m just talking to Lincoln.”
“And you needed me, why?”
I suppose now is as good a time as any to tell her.
“I’m pregnant,” I whisper.
“Holy shit!” she yells.
I slap her arm. “Shh…”
She points manically at the living room. “And Lincoln is the dad?” she mouths.
I nod.
“Do you want me to come back later?”
“I don’t know…”
“Millicent, you can come in,” Lincoln calls out.
Millicent shrugs and walks towards the living room. She’s never been one to shy away from a difficult situation. Even one that doesn’t concern her.
“So…you knocked up my bestie, huh?”
He lets out a puff of air. “Apparently.”
“What do you mean apparently?” she demands, getting upset on my behalf.
“I don’t mean anything by it,” he says tiredly. “I only learned the news myself about five seconds ago.”
“Listen, buddy. Just because some little bitch lied to you once before doesn’t mean Tash would do it, too. She is the most honest person I have ever met, and you’d be damn lucky to have her to co-parent this baby. For the record, Daisy is a dream child, and it’s solely down to her. So, you better get your head around the situation and support her.”
“Hey, Missy, give the guy a break. He’s dealing with a lot of other stuff at the moment. This is kind of the last news he needs right now.”
Lincoln looks at me. “Look, I hate to ask this, but are you really sure it’s mine?”
“I’m going to punch you in the face if you ask that again,” Millicent warns.
“Yes, it’s yours. I’ll even get a paternity test to prove it,” I say.
“How soon can you do that?”
“Really? You’re going to insist on the test because of some selfish cow in your past?” Millicent spits.
“Miss, that’s not really helping. I think I need to talk to Lincoln alone. I didn’t know he was coming over when I invited you around before. Maybe I can go to your place later?”
She gives Lincoln the stink-eye. “If you even so much as think of making my friend cry, I will kill you.”
He smiles weakly at Millicent. “You’re a good friend, Miss. I will do my best, but I agree with Tash. We need to sort this out, just the two of us.”
“Okay.” She does the I’ve-got-my-eye-on-you gesture to Lincoln and then the call-me-later fingers to me. I nod and watch her leave.
When it’s just the two of us, I sigh. “I’m so sorry, Lincoln. I don’t know what to do.”
“It’s okay. We’ll figure it out. And I know it’s really uncool to keep bringing it up, but I really couldn’t handle it if this baby wasn’t mine.”
I make a decision.
“You know what? I appreciate where you’re coming from, but even once you know it’s yours, I don’t expect anything from you.” I get out my phone and type into Google. “I can get a paternity test done in about four weeks, so I’ll book it just so you know for sure. I have nothing to hide. And in the meantime, maybe we both need some space to come to terms with it.”
He looks at me and I can see tears in his eyes. He comes over and wraps his arms around me. “You want space?”
“It’s probably for the best.”
I’m only saying that because I don’t want to look clingy—and I want him to want me on his terms. I don’t tell him that having him reject me after already being rejected by Daisy’s father would absolutely ruin me. It wouldn’t serve any purpose other than to make him even more upset.
But I don’t know how I’d feel if he completely shut me out until he got the results of the paternity test. It would mean he never really trusted me, and then I’m not sure I could have him in my life after that.
He kisses my forehead and stands up.
“Okay. I’ll go. But I’m not abandoning you.”
I swallow a lump in my throat.
We’ll see.
***
I don’t really feel like seeing anyone after Lincoln leaves, but Millicent texts me and orders me to go to her place.
There are still a few hours before I have to pick up Daisy, and I know I won’t be able to concentrate on work today, so I drive over to her apartment in Bardon.
She hands me what looks like an elaborate cocktail when I walk in the door.
“Miss, you know I can’t drink right now…”