“What’s up kiddo?” asked Dad, two minutes in, referring to my silence.
“Everyone thinks I’m a freak,” I mumbled so he wouldn’t hear me.
“Huh, speak up,” said Dad turning down the radio.
“No one likes me, Dad… they all think I’m weird.” I looked down at the floor. Dad took a sharp right, heading in the opposite direction to home.
We drove in silence for a while, before pulling up outside a green shop that read in rusty gold lettering ‘CUPCAKES FOR SALE’
I looked at Dad.
“Out we get,” he said.
I followed him out of the car. We were in a much rougher part of London than I was used to. Dad double-checked he’s locked the car. I stayed close to him as we entered the green shop, a bell rung as we went inside.
“Welcome, welcome, what can we do for you today?” asked a tall eastern European woman with a strong accent.
Dad looked down at me.
“We are looking for two, oh no, four of your finest cupcakes please.”
“Go on upstairs and they will be with you straight away,” said the woman flamboyantly directing us up a creaky old staircase at the back of the shop.
Dad didn’t seem phased so I followed him up and we came to a roof garden with an amazing view of the city.
“Dad, this place is so cool! How did you find it?”
“Oh your old man’s been around the place,” he smiled as we sat down.
“Now listen to me Amy…”
The lady arrived up with our cupcakes; Chocolate fudge, Red Velvet, French Vanilla and Salted Caramel. I looked back up at Dad. He picked up the Red Velvet and started to take off its wrapping.
“There are always going to be people in this world who don’t appreciate madness; a bit of insanity. There will always be people who will judge you for your wildness or forlornness or even your beauty. In a world where everyone is striving for perfection and alikeness, anyone who follows an unpaved pathway is deemed abnormal.”
He took a bite .I nodded although I didn’t quite understand a lot of what he was saying. Kids were mean to me, I wanted it to stop, end off.
“Amy, sweetie; I don’t want you to change to adapt to their degrading standards. I want you to wake up each morning happy with where you are but most importantly happy with who you are. London is a big city Amy and there are millions of people to be friends with but there’s also a world out there that is so much bigger than London, I promise one day you will love it. But until that day comes we are not going to sit on our backside and let these kids get away with being immature prats.”
I smiled. We finished our cupcakes and stood up to go.
“So I’ve decided, we’re moving.”
I’d never loved anyone so much as I did my dad in that moment. I squeezed him as hard as we could and when we got back in the car we drove a long roundabout way home. We passed dozens of houses for sale, including the one we live in today.
Chapter 5
Tara wasn’t in school on Monday. I had text her, rung her, even her house phone but her mum said she wasn’t ready yet, she then progressed to whisper for me to come over tomorrow.
“Where’s Tara?” asked Lily in assembly, “Sam was asking for her this morning, but she’s been MIA since Friday night, she totally gave him the cold shoulder. You’ve been MIA too Amy, how was your weekend?”
I walked back to class with Lily, telling her it was fine, that Mike needed my help with a project.
“I miss you Amy,” she said suddenly, “you and Tara too, I feel like we’re losing our squadness, gosh that sounds silly.” She smiled but I could see she was genuinely upset. I’d been so worried these past few weeks I’d forgotten to be a good friend to almost everyone. I hugged her.
“I know what you mean, but hey let’s have a sleepover just us three next weekend. It’ll be like old times.”
That made her smile and she sat down beside me in English. “I’m going to write a list of all the things we can discuss and do,” she whispered. I smiled back. She really was the sweetest girl. I thought of when we first met, it was here in English class when I was new. Lily had this big bunch of friends but she still was so kind to me. I was overwhelmed after years of cruelty, to find someone like Lily. Soon she started to sit with Tara and I and things just kind of clicked. She always organised exciting things to do at the weekend and she would randomly bring us in chocolates or socks or something for the most bizarre occasions. Like on ‘world nutella day’ she bought us each a heart shaped jar of nutella and when we went to hers later that night she had cooked us piles of pancakes. She showered us all in so much love. I don’t know how you’d describe Lily in a few words but all I can honestly say is she’s just a really amazing friend.
Lily wanted to go for coffee after school but I bid her a hasty goodbye, saying I was late to the dentist. I caught the bus over to Dr Foster’s. I had told Mum this morning I wanted to go alone, she protested at first but then I think she was just as scared as I was. Neither of us knew what the boundaries were in this situation so she agreed. I’m almost 100% sure she rang Dr Foster after I left for school. I just didn’t want Mum there for what I was about to say.
Dr Foster had gone to the reception to get some lab results. I sat nervously in her room, wringing my hands in front of me.
“I want an abortion,” I blurted out as soon as she walked back into the room.
“You do?” she asked.
I nodded quickly.
“Okay,” Dr Foster sat down at her desk and began typing. Just like that. I was slightly in shock but maybe this happened almost every day, maybe I wasn’t such a minority after all.
“Now, from your blood results we’re able to confirm that you are about six weeks along so I would say a month from now to carry out the termination.”
Termination; god I knew that was what they called it but it seemed so harsh, so final. I felt sick. I was already six weeks pregnant. My mind reeled but it made sense. Luke and I had been going out two years on New Years.
“Okay, ehm, what do I do then?” I asked.
“Well a month from now puts us on March 15th. Is that an okay date for you to have the procedure?”
Dr Foster must have seen my pale face and shaking hands.
“This isn’t your only option Amy, but if you feel like it’s what is best for you then we are to give you all the support you need.”
I nodded, taking it all in.
“There’s a clinic, no that’s a bad word for it; there’s a place over near Islington. It’s kind of a women’s run place for young women who are either pregnant or have young children themselves. The people are really lovely and they meet three times a week, there will be girls there in your situation and ones who have gone through what you may do yourself. I’d really advise giving them a visit one evening Amy. I’ll call and tell the lady there to expect one of my patients okay?”
I said yes, thinking no way on earth was I heading all the way over there to feel awkward amongst a group of girls who led completely different lives to me.
“Okay, great.” She smiled brightly, “Now that’s all for today, we’ll call to arrange another appointment before the procedure just to go through everything involved.”