I change the bedding in Sara’s room. I doubt she’ll mind given all that Kian has done for us the last few days. Assuming she cares about anything anymore. A pain stabs through my heart. What the hell was she thinking? I want to storm to the hospital and demand answers from her.
After the bed is squared away, I hurry and take a quick shower. I change into a pair of navy sweats and a T-shirt, then return to the living room to wait. Or maybe I shouldn’t wait. He knows his way around the house. He doesn’t need me to tuck him in. Dirty, filthy images spring to mind when I think about all the things Kian and I have gotten up to in a bed. And in his office. And on his dining table.
Fuck.
I’m not going to wait. It’s weird. Right as I stand up, I hear the front door open. Kian pops into the room, a duffle bag slung over his shoulder. He looks as awkward as I feel. Good. We’re on an even playing field.
“You going to bed?” he asks.
“Just heading that way.” I scratch my fingers through my beard.
“I’ll bet you’re exhausted.” He looks from one corner of the room to the other.
“You need anything?”
“No. I can get myself settled. Mind if I shower?”
Goddamn. The shower. We haven’t ever done anything naughty in the shower.
“Go ahead. It’s all yours.”
“Okay. I guess I won’t see you tomorrow if you get home after I’ve left for work,” he says.
“Guess not. Unless, I could wait up for you.”
“Don’t do that. But will you call me tomorrow? You know, to let me know how Sara is and all that?”
“Sure. I’ll want to check on the kids and make sure the babysitter shows up and all that.” This conversation is awkward. If I were feeling more stable on my feet, I’d say fuck it and drag his ass to my bed. That’s a bad idea right now, though.
“Okay. Good night, then.” He brushes past me, heading to Sara’s room. Our arms touch and a static, electric spark prickles my skin. The same sensation I get every time we touch.
“Good night.”
I don’t usually close my bedroom door to make it easier for the kids if they wake up in the middle of the night, but tonight, I shut it. It feels more absolute. As if simply turning a knob is what’ll stop me from sneaking down the hallway.
I share a wall with the bathroom, so I hear when the water turns on. A minute goes by and I hear the shower hooks slide open across the rod and then shut. He’s naked in there. I picture his smooth skin and lean body dripping with water. He’s hairless everywhere, making his long, cut dick look even more massive. And his ass. Goddamn. His ass. Perfect round pillows hiding the tightest hole I’ve ever been inside.
My cock hardens and I squeeze it through my boxers to get some relief, but it doesn’t work. Instead I groan from the almost painful touch. I want to march in there, climb in behind him, hook his leg over my elbow to spread him open, and then drill into him. I want to hear his breaths catch, feel my balls slap against him, and watch him come apart for me.
Before I realize what I’m doing, I’m reaching inside the top drawer of my nightstand and squirting slick on my palm. My boxers come down past my ass and I grip my aching dick. I jerk myself with a vice-like grip, making it feel as tight as Kian’s hole does.
I lose myself to the fantasy, tasting his skin, though my mouth is dry. I reach over and grab the pillow he’d been sleeping on and press it to my nose. Thank fuck his pine sweet smell is still there. It makes it seem that much more real. Before I know it, I’m coming all over my abs and chest, muttering a curse under my breath.
It didn’t feel half as satisfying as it does when I’m with him, but for now, it’ll do. When I hear the water turn off, I briefly wonder if he was doing the same thing. Seems like such a waste for us to be together in our minds, but physically apart.
The next morning, I’m at the hospital bright and early. I need answers that only Sara can give me. I can only pray her brain tests come back in the clear so I can get them.
“Mr. Warren. It’s nice to see you,” Dr. Miller greets as I walk into the hospital room. He has his tablet open and is tapping the screen with a stylus. There’s a woman sitting in the corner, dressed professionally and with a hospital nametag in a lanyard around her neck.
Sara is propped up on pillows, staring blankly at the stark white wall. She doesn’t acknowledge me, even though she knows I’m here. I notice her hands are now bound to either side of her hospital bed by padded cuffs. I glare at Dr. Miller.
“Is that necessary?” I bite out.
“It’s procedure.”
I’ll handle him later. I walk around the side of her bed and sit down. I cover her hand with mine to get her attention, but her eyes remain fixed.
“Hi,” I say gently.
“I was just talking to Sara about how she’s feeling. Her EEG came back and it’s right where we want her. We’ll need to do more tests in the coming days, but after what her body has been through, it can wait.” He flips the tablet closed. “Would you like to go get a cup of coffee with me?”
I stare at the man dumbly. Sure, he’s hot as hell, but this is hardly the time or place for him to hit on me.
“I’d like to update you more about Sara’s condition,” he clarifies.
“Right. Sure.” I lean over and kiss Sara on the head. “I’ll be right back.”
We walk out and he leads me down the hall to the small cafeteria that’s more the size of a break room. He orders us a couple of black coffees and swipes his card to pay. He hands me one and we take a seat at a small, round table next to a window.
“Your sister is in a fragile state,” he says.
“Of course she is, she just tried to kill herself.”
“There’s that, but when someone who wants to die, fails, it makes their headspace much more delicate. The woman you saw in the room is a social worker who will work with Sara to put together a game plan. Until they can talk more, I think it might be best if you came back this afternoon.”
“Dr. Miller—”
“Lance.” He interrupts. “You can call me Lance.”
“Lance, you only know my sister through a chart and medical history. I’ve known her since she was born. I’m certain she’ll want me around to support her through this.”
“She’s the one who asked me to tell you to come back.”
I frown. “That’s not her talking. I’ve been the only person who’s ever taken care of her.”
“She’s embarrassed and disappointed about her choices. Especially because she failed. In her mind, her pain was over when she took those pills. Only she didn’t die and now that pain she was trying to escape is worse. I’m sure your sister loves you a lot, but she needs to focus on getting better and when there’s family involved, it makes things more… complicated.”
“No offense, but fuck you. And fuck her, too. She has two babies at home who have been crying every single day to see their mama. I don’t know why she thought it would be better to leave them to me than to raise them on her own, but I deserve those answers. She’s the only family I have left other than those kids.” My eyes well and my breath catches. “She needs to look me in the eyes and explain herself to me.”