Her face falls and she reaches out to hold my hand. “Okay.”
The walk home is quiet with the kids sad about Sara and Archer lost in his thoughts. This whole family has had a storm cloud over them for as long as I’ve known them and from what Archer has told me, it’s been even longer than that. I want to chase the dark and gloomy away, leave them with enough sunshine and rainbows to last a lifetime.
I get the kids set up playing Legos in Lou’s room and then seek out Archer. I find him in one of the outdoor chairs in the backyard, staring off into the distance.
“How are you?” I sit in the chair next to him.
“Just thinking. Thank you for settling them.”
“No worries. What are you thinking about?”
He turns to face me. “I guess she’s going to the inpatient treatment facility. There’s one in Camden. It’s expensive, but they’re applying for some kind of grant or something. I think I’ll still have to pay some.”
“Is that what has you worried?” I reach over and smooth the lines of worry between his brows. He leans into the touch. I want to kiss him, make him forget his troubles, but I know he needs a friend more than anything right now.
“Not really. I’d do whatever it takes, you know?”
“Then what is it?”
“She doesn’t want to see me before she goes. Or the kids. They’ll shuttle her up there and she’ll be gone at least a few weeks.”
“Your feelings are hurt?” I ask.
“Yeah, my feelings are hurt. I don’t even understand what’s going on and why things got this bad. I think if she could talk to me, explain it, I’d be able to accept it a lot easier. You know?”
“I’d feel the same way. I guess all you can do is be patient.”
He leans back in the chair, extending his long legs in front of him, resting his arms on his head. A sliver of his abdomen and happy trail are left on display. It’s not the time or place to have thoughts of all the times I’d licked my way down his body, but I can’t help it. He’s the sexiest man I’ve ever met.
“I guess.”
We sit there for a long time in comfortable silence. Him worrying his lower lip between his teeth and me reminiscing of all the times he was mine and wondering if he ever will be again. It seems inevitable, but I don’t know how much of all this is breaking him and if he’ll ever be able to focus on his own happiness again.
After a few days, we get into a routine. Archer goes back to work and is home just in time to take over kid duty, then I go to work and am home only hours before he has to leave for work. It’s hard and I feel lonelier than I ever have before. Sometimes I take the kids to Comida’s or Jarrett’s just to talk to my friends.
Before all of this, my time was spent with my friends, meeting Cato for lunch or helping Jarrett paint or stain whatever trash he’s found to turn it into treasure. But with two little ones in tow, it’s been complicated. They get bored easily and somehow always need a snack. Most days, I don’t even bother going out because it’s more hassle than it’s worth.
When I’m at work, I’m so bogged down with paperwork I can’t complete during the day, I spend my hours at Focus and Blur tucked away in my office. I miss my old life, as selfish as that sounds.
By Thursday, I’m having a pity party for one. Archer and I trade off kid duties and I leave for work, dreading the long night ahead. I unlock the front door of Focus for Duke and me, then get started on opening duties.
“Wassup, bitches!” Jarrett calls from the front door. I don’t have any customers yet, so I smile instead of scolding him.
“Hey.” I try to match his cheer, but I fall short.
His head tilts to the side. “What crawled up your ass and died? I read an article about a guy who slept nude and a fly had crawled its way up his asshole and laid eggs. Dude was shitting maggots for a month. It’s nothing like that, right?”
I narrow my eyes at him. “Your mind is a dangerous place.”
“I know, right?” He sits down on a barstool and props his head in his hands. “What’s up, buttercup?”
“I don’t know exactly. I mean, I’m really tired. Like really tired. Kids are exhausting. Three out of ten recommend and I’m only rating it that high because Emmy tells me how pretty I am every day.” I pull out two wine glasses, set one down in front of each of us, and pour.
“I can’t imagine. I get tired of dealing with Frankie and I leave him in the shop at night,” he says, referring to his shop kitty Cato talked him into adopting. Frankie is old as fuck. He has patches of fur missing, one eye, his meow is more of a gravelly hack, and only three legs. If that cat hasn’t burned through eight of his nine lives, I don’t know who has.
“Take him and multiply by a million. And all my free time is gone. I haven’t had time for a facial, I haven’t online shopped in over a week, and for lunch I had three half-eaten chicken nuggets and a scoop of cold mac and cheese. I haven’t even masturbated in a week. I’m worried my dick is going to forget how to get hard.” I sulk.
“That’s bad.” Jarrett’s face scrunches in disgust.
“I just don’t feel like myself.”
“Any news on Sara?”
“Not yet. Next week Archer is going to Camden to sit in on a family therapy session. I guess he’ll get more information then.” I shrug and chug half my glass of wine.
“Sweetie,” he drawls, his expression turning serious. “I’ve never seen you like this and we’ve been friends for a long time.”
“It’s fine. It’s temporary, right?”
“I’m worried. I think you need a break.”
I laugh without humor. “And what will Archer do? He can’t afford childcare. He’s already stressed about money because even after the grant Sara got, he has to fork out a few thousand dollars for this facility she’s at.”
“This is going to sound harsh, but I think you need to hear this.” He rests his hand over mine. “It’s not your problem. You and Archer aren’t even together. You aren’t family. I know you want to help, but when it’s affecting your own mental health, it’s gone too far.”
“You don’t understand.”
“I think I do. It’s you who doesn’t understand. What do you get in all of this? Because from here, it looks like you’re carrying all this weight for Archer and then what? Sara comes home and you both walk away? I think he’s using you.”
“He’s not using me,” I snap, my hackles rising at him even saying something like that.
“Okay, so what do you get out of this? Because he’s getting a lot. He’s saving money by having a free live-in nanny and housekeeper.”
“This isn’t easy for him.” I defend.
“I don’t think it is. He’s in a difficult position. But it’s his family. It’s his responsibility. You have no stake in this game. No cock in this fight. Literally and figuratively.” He arches a brow pointedly.
“Maybe I just want to help someone in need. Maybe I get the satisfaction of doing the right thing.”
“Oh my God, you love him.” He gasps.