“Not really. Well, not professionally or anything. Just here and there when I was in high school,” I say nervously.
“Chris rides. Well, he used to. I’m sure he could teach you or help you brush up on your skills,” she says. I almost laugh at the thought of Cal on a horse with a big cowboy hat on.
“Is meat okay?” she interrupts my thoughts.
“Oh yeah, it’s fine.”
She’s asked me to help, but she’s cranking these sandwiches out like she’s worked at a Subway before.
“The food at the zoo is so expensive and I’ve been told my sandwiches are pretty good,” she says with a wink. I laugh, peeling the lettuce she’s assigned to me. It’s weird but being in here with her makes me feel calmer. Not so odd, nervous or anxious.
“Caylen loves the zoo. She’s obsessed with animals,” I tell her, taking a slice of tomato and putting one on each piece of bread she’s put out on the counter.
“Chris does too. You’d think since we have a farm that would have been enough for his animal obsession, but he’d beg us to take him all the time.” She hands me Zip-Lock bags to put the sandwiches into.
“I want to thank you for bringing her here,” she says, leaning against the counter and turning her attention towards me. I smile nervously and fidget.
“It’s fine.”
“After everything, I know that it could have been… You would have had every right to make this difficult and I just want to thank you for... Thank you, Lauren.” Her smile is sincere and a tiny part of me wants to hug her. She gives off this motherly aurora that just makes you want to be embraced by her. Tell her exactly how you feel. If I were to tell her how I feel now, I’d say, “I’m desperately in love with your son and I’d give almost anything to make him remember that he was in love with me.” I’d ask her, “How do I stop feeling this way?!”
I don’t, of course, but I could see myself hugging her someday, maybe. If I don’t completely screw things up. After the sandwiches are made, juices, chips, and fruit packed up, we make our way back to the living room where it doesn’t look as if the dollhouse has made any progress at all.
“You guys are all packed up,” his mom announces as we enter the living room.
“Are you ready for to the zoo with the best animals in the world?” Chris asks excitedly, lifting Caylen up with him. I can’t help but smile; Chris genuinely looks excited.
“Hopefully by the time you get back, I’ll have this done.” His dad chuckles, and he and Mrs. Scott walk us to the door.
“Have lots of fun little one,” she says, kissing Caylen on the cheek.
“I’m going to get that doll house together if it’s the last thing I do,” Mr. Scott promises, rubbing her cheeks.
“I’ll call you guys when we’re on the way back,” Chris says as we make our way down the stairs.
“Have a great time,” Mrs. Scott calls.
“So whose car are we taking?” He adjusts Caylen in his arms. It’s still surreal to see him holding her. They fit and it’s almost as if he’s never missed a day of her life.
“The car seat is in mine, but we could switch it if you want.”
“Do you want to drive?” he asks. I hate driving especially when I’m not familiar with where I’m going.
“Not really. You want to drive my car?” I offer. He glances over at it and I see a smile spread across his face.
“Sure,” he says. When we make our way to the car, I swap the lunch bag for Caylen with him, pop the lock on the doors and start to put Caylen in her seat
“Can I try?” he asks.
“Yeah,” I step back and it takes him a few tries to get the straps adjusted and snapped in, but Caylen cooperates, her hand in her mouth and a smile on her face.
“I’m a quick learner,” he tells her, then grins back at me. I laugh and ignore the butterfly flying around in my stomach. We both get in the car and he adjusts his seat, a lot. It’s been a while since anyone his height has been in the driver’s seat.
“You’re really short,” he says with a chuckle, and I’m caught off guard. He’s not only called me short but really short. I think back to Jenna, she was at least 5”7.
“Uhm, yeah,” I say, buckling my seat belt. If things weren’t awkward before, they sure are now. The playful smile on his face has disappeared.
“Says gigantor,” I joke to ease the tension. He starts to laugh and I join in.
“Good one,” he jokes. I glance at him through the rear view mirror. I exhale quietly. When the radio comes on, one of my Italian operas begins to play. I never listened to them while Cal and I were together. After Caylen was born, Angela introduced me to a few and they were surprisingly calming. It was as if only a mourning singer could express the pain I was in and Caylen always slept really well to them. From the look on Chris’ face, I can see that he’s anything but comforted.
“I can switch to something else if you don’t like it,” I say, a little embarrassed.
“It’s sort of depressing,” he responds with a nervous laugh as he turns onto the road from his driveway. I suppose when you are actually depressed, it’s soothing.
“Kind of,” I admit as it continues to play.
“Top 40 okay?” I ask, turning to the radio.
“A little better,” he says playfully.
The ride to the zoo was smooth. He drives like a regular person and not like a Nascar driver on speed, the way Cal did. But if we'd had Caylen when Cal and I were together I’m sure he wouldn’t have driven like a maniac—possibly. The zoo is actually pretty impressive to be near such a small town. We only made it through two hours before Caylen drifted off to sleep. These two are really entertaining together.
“She fell asleep before we even made it to see the bears,” he says with genuine disappointment.
I laugh. “She had a good run. Let’s take a lunch break. She might wake up in a half hour or so,” I assure him. We make our way over to a picnic area and I pull out the sandwiches his mom made for us.
“Thanks.” He takes one from my hand. I hand him a sanitizing wipe and he takes it, amused.
I really am a mom now.
I unwrap my own sandwich and bite into it. My taste buds have died and gone to heaven.
“Oh my gosh.” I moan.
There’s a glint in his eye. “Good isn’t it?” he says, tearing through his own.
“This may be the best sandwich I have ever had,” I say, diving back in.
“My mom makes the best sandwiches.” He says, finishing his in record time. Now I know why his mom made five for just the three of us. I giggle and hand him another one. He smiles. He looks like Cal, he sounds like Cal, but...
“So, other than hanging out at the zoo, what do you like to do?” he asks in between bites, his green eyes on mine and the lone butterfly in my stomach acquires a friend.
It’s like we’re on our first date. Well, except our one year-old is asleep between us in her stroller. Actually, I feel like I’m tagging along on Caylen’s playdate. I take one of the juices his mom packed and take a sip
“Most of my time kind of revolves around Caylen.” I shrug. “But when I get a breather and don’t use it for a nap, I try to squeeze in some drawing,” I tell him, resting my head in my hand.