“She’s done.” I call out to him and in less than a minute he’s back with the bag. He sits across from us in the rocking chair—the same rocking chair that Chris would sit in and play the guitar for us—I try to push that memory out of my thoughts because it makes me sad, and I want to soak up and keep all the joy that I have right now.
“You ready?” he asks, and I put Caylen down and she walks over to him. He opens the bag. I see her look in, but whatever is in it she can’t lift it. He reaches in and I can’t help but laugh when I see the first Harry Potter book.
“You didn’t,” I laugh amused. One after another he pulls out the entire Harry Potter collection.
“Really, Collin?” I laugh as Caylen observes the books but her attention is really on the covers. Collin loves Harry Potter. I never would have thought, except who wouldn’t like Harry Potter? Even though I can’t picture Chris or Cal reading it.
“You don’t think they’re going to be a little advanced for her?” I tease him. He scoops her up in his arms and sits her on his lap. He pulls out a stuffed owl from the bag, and that already is her favorite out of the books.
“She’s going to be advanced, right princess?” He adjusts himself in the rocking chair and opens the book successfully. Juggling her and the large book in his arms, he reads off the famous first line.
His voice is hypnotic, and what I expect to only be a few minutes before Caylen’s attention span explodes and she becomes agitated, she doesn’t. She teeters a bit grabbing the book here and there but before long her head is on his chest and she dozes off. Still he keeps reading and I sit across from him listening to his voice, wrapped up in his tone before I drift off into dreamland myself.
My phone wakes me up, its ringtone interrupting a dream that’s made my cheeks flush. My skin is still warm and my breath is stolen. I grab my phone, sleep in my eyes and am surprised to find myself in bed. I look at the phone and see that it’s Raven. My head lands heavily back on the pillow. I want to close my eyes and wrap myself back in my dream, it was warm and safe but strange, and I hate as each second passes it escapes me, and I mourn the loss. The phone vibrates again. Raven is persistent if nothing else. We’ve only spoken briefly this week giving her edited glimpses of the terrible headlines instead of truthful full stories. I will call her back eventually. I just wish I knew what to say to her. I don’t know how to comfort her and I hate keeping secrets but the truth will only worry. No not worry her, it will terrify her. She’s just now warming up to the fact that Chris and Cal are not the same man. To tell her that Collin has now joined the party and that Cal tried to kill someone… I don’t want to even think about that. I climb out of bed and realize Caylen isn’t in the room with me. I think back to last night and remember I fell asleep in her room on the floor.
Remembering his voice and how it was the most intimate moment Collin and I ever shared, I’m reminded of the first time Chris played the guitar for me and I saw a different side of the man that I love. Whenever I think of love and Collin in the same sentence I feel a stab of guilt, and it’s ridiculous but if I’m honest I do feel guilty. Guilty when I notice the things that have attracted me to the man whose been the only person I’ve fallen in lust with in my life. I feel a stab of guilt when I want to be near him, that I still want him. It’s crazy and starting to drive me insane. I’ve kept my distance while being as close to him as I can and a part of me knows it’s ridiculous but another part of me thinks of it as being loyal. But loyal to who? Which one?
They’re the same!
“You’re going crazy, Lauren.” I tell myself quietly as I head downstairs.
“Well, good morning sunshine.” I freeze seeing Raven holding Caylen with a look on her face that’s between pissed and smug. My eyes dart to Collin who is behind the counter, looking like he just woke up, perfectly put together, every hair in place, fully dressed and more alert than someone should be when he was up reading Harry Potter past midnight.
Shit. What has he told her? I’m not in any shape to battle it out with Raven today about the choices that I’ve made and the consequences I should expect.
“How long have you been here?” I ask trying to put some enthusiasm into my tone.
“Wow, no it’s so good to see you, Raven? I’m so glad you’re here. I’ve missed you?” she says sarcastically. I let out a sigh and know that I’m going to have to put on my battle armor even though I don’t know if I can stand with it on.
“I am, Raven. It’s just been a very long week.”
“I can imagine. Collin was just bringing me up to date on things.” She says this tightly and my stomach drops. Ugh, why does he have to be so transparent about everything! I look at him and there is no hint of regret, awkwardness, or an ounce of uncomfortableness.
“Thanks for that, Collin,” I say tightly.
“I thought it’d be better to let her know everything that’s happened and to introduce myself. Save you the stress of it.” He shrugs with one arm instead of two and I’m instantly annoyed.
“I expressed how grateful I am for his transparency. Something his counterparts or their wife hasn’t been great about,” she says sarcastically.
I can feel that this is going to be a great day already. How long has she been down here, and what all has he told her?
“I’m heading out for work. You ladies have a good day.” Collin finishes his orange juice, and flashes me a smile. I fight not to roll my eyes at him while he kisses Caylen before leaving.
“It was good speaking with you, Raven,” he tells her and she smiles widely at him. I am a bit surprised to see that it doesn’t hold the trepidation or tension she had when she met Chris. She almost seems enthralled.
“It was good speaking with you too. I will see you tonight.”
I scold myself for how I felt last night, for warming up to him. It was an easy moment, one that I’ve missed.
“Well, you have had a busy week,” she says tightly as soon as the door closes.
I sigh and flop on the couch knowing what’s coming. She sits Caylen down whose attention is caught on Doc. McStuffins.
“I’m sorry that we haven’t been able to talk,” I tell her sincerely, but my voice is already exhausted from the conversation that’s about to follow, so my apology comes off as dry and nonchalant.
“You’re sorry,” her voice is already high and raised, full of indignation. “Lauren, your husband has a third alter ego,” she screeches.
I swallow hard.
“I had to hear it from Hillary,” she cries.
Thanks, Hillary.
I shake my head. “You and Hillary are best friends now, huh?” I ask a little jealous and hoping to lead off this subject.
“Don’t you dare try to change the subject.”
“I don’t know what Collin’s told you, but there has been so much going on,” I tell her defensively.
“He’s told me quite a lot, but I’d love to hear it from you,” she says, and I put my head in my hands. When I don’t answer right away, she begins to lay out fact after fact, detail after detail and she knows pretty much everything that’s happened including the blow up at the Scotts which wasn’t even any of her business. Gosh Collin what a freakin' motor mouth!