“The barn’s been cleared.” We turn to see Mrs. Scott in the doorway with Caylen on her hip. “I could put her to bed if you like.” she says a little awkwardly.
“No, I can do it,” I quickly stand.
“Are you sure,” she asks again. I look back over at Collin.
“No it’s fine, I’m sure she’s missed that,” he answers back.
“Okay.” I go over to Mrs. Scott.
The weight of his words are heavy in the air. Does he realize what he’s just told me, how important that is to me?
“Collin, do you mind if we talk for a little while?” Mrs. Scott asks as I take Caylen from her arms. I wonder if she heard what he said, I wonder if she believes him.
“I’ll be downstairs,” I tell her before leaving the room.
Most men think women are difficult to understand.
Too complicated to figure out, their motives foreign. I’ve found the opposite to be true. It doesn’t take someone to be a genius to understand them—even though with my IQ it wouldn’t be misleading to call me that. It just takes attention, the majority of them are easy to read. Understand what motivates them as an individual, not as an entire sex. It’s all different—love, control, consistency, wealth, assurance, and fear. The same things that motivate men—because when it comes down to it, we all want the same things—we’re just guided by different principals.
Once motivation is found, determine if they’re seeking acceptance. Are they operating out of guilt? Who is on offense, who is on defense? The person that knows their place holds the power. Most people don’t know what to do with that power when they get it, and if they don’t know that, they won’t keep it.
It’s all very simple. Give a person what they’re lacking, make sure you know that you have something that they want or think that they need, and if they don’t need it, you make them believe that they do. It is what both Cal and Chris didn’t understand.
Cal believes that he has more to offer than he does and Chris believes he doesn’t have enough. Chris gives too much of himself to people but Cal doesn’t give enough. There is a balance to everything and neither one can master it without the other and definitely not without me.
It is for that reason why I’m the constant.
Why I am here when they leave. When they think the hurt is too sharp, when the anger is too much, when the fear is so deep they feel as if they’re drowning. That makes them the lifeless body and me the life jacket. I’m the one who keeps Calvin from putting us in jail and prevents Chris from putting us in the insane asylum.
It was a bad volleyball game once upon a time. Bouncing from one extreme to another. Cal wanting to live life indulging in whatever pleasured him at the time, regardless of the consequences, and Chris only doing what he thought would be acceptable, pleasing to the people most important to him, completely unaware of the dirty little secrets that were being kept hidden from him by the people he loved most. It seemed purposeless at first, the balancing act that is. Swinging from one extreme to the other, no common ground. Part of me believing he knows it all while the other part walking around completely clueless. Cal more than happy to keep Chris in the dark, in his eyes, it was fun playing the choirboy. No commonality except for the women that they love.
One being poor Gwen. I am exhausted just thinking of what Chris’s hero, his moral anchor did to her. It was almost sickening to watch her with him; oblivious to his deceit, unaware of his deception, truly believing that the man she loved for so long was incapable of something so vile. Watching Lisa parade around as if the secret she held never existed, both of them so wrapped up in their own glory of getting away with the ultimate mistake. William was so self-righteous toward Lauren, and deathly afraid of Calvin. He displaced his own guilt with anger toward the people that could pull the curtain up on his little show. I have to give him credit. He held up pretty well for a man walking around land mines not knowing that at any minute everything could explode. I’m disappointed in him though. I thought between him and Lisa that he would be the one to finally expose everything, but fear motivated him more than his love did, and for that, I feel truly sorry for Gwen.
“I thought that we should talk,” she smiles away her pain. I respect her for that, something both her and Lauren have in common.
I stand and allow her to sit on the bed. She looks around the room letting out a cleansing breath.
“I wanted to thank you for being… kind.” She says as if she’s searching for the right words.
“You’re welcome.”
“I always wanted a relationship with Cal, he just… I guess he hated us.”
“He doesn’t hate you,” I tell her and she gives me a lopsided smile.
“Lauren told me about everything that’s happened. I wish that I had known, that there was something that I could have done.” Her sorrow sweeps over her instantly.
I take her hand and I can tell she’s surprised. “You did the best thing you could for us. You were a great mother, you are a great mother, and we’re going to be okay,” I reassure her. Her eyes raise to mine and she smiles. I see hope in them; hope that things are going to be okay. I know that she wants to believe me, that if she looks hard enough she’ll see the little boy who was easy, who wanted to please her, who she could solve all of his problems with a glass of milk and a chocolate chip cookie.
“A-are there any more of you?” she asks hesitantly. I squeeze her hand and I hope it melts her heart.
“No, I’m the last of the Mohicans,” I tell her and she lets out a relieved sigh.
“Not that I wouldn’t love anyone else,” she explains quickly and I nod in understanding. “I also apologize for Aidan earlier, he’s usually much better behaved. Thank you for not escalating things.”
I grin, because it did take a lot to stop that from happening. Cal tried to use the building anger to slip out through the cracks. He’s on time-out until he learns how to play well with others again. Cal has the emotional stamina of a six year old, and after finally showing him what he arrogantly blocked out, he has no idea how to control his thinking or actions. He’s out of order, until I can get things stable.
“I told Lauren that there’s no need for an apology.”
“You’re so different from them,” she says with a perplexed look on her face.
“I have to be.”
“When you’re not… when you’re not in control… where are you?” she asks, her tone mixed with curiosity and concern.
“I am always around. I never go dark like Chris does or like Calvin decides to do most times. I have to always be aware.”
“Go dark… what does that mean?”
“Unconscious, a deep sleep,” I tell her simply. Her eyes widen, she seems caught off guard by my forthrightness. It makes sense, in a family that is so used to half-truths and hiding secrets.
“You’re like the co-pilot,” she deduces and I grin.
“That would be the perfect analogy,” I tell her and she smiles.
“Mrs. Scott?” We both turn to see Lauren nervously at the door. “Mr. Scott just got here.”
I turn to Gwen to see her face has drained of color.