He had been trying to get my mother sign some sort of guardianship form.
A hundred questions raced through my brain as it hit me.
Why wouldn’t Mum want me to stay with James in case something happened to her? Why wasn’t there something already in place? Why would she want me to go to Gran? Why was James so angry about all of this? Was he that fed up with my mum? If that was the case, is their relationship heading towards divorce?
I couldn’t breathe. I could feel the panic rising in my chest. I needed to get the hell out of here. I broke away from the wall and ran through the trees, not towards the creek, but north, into the thicker part of the forest. I ran until I was gasping for air and my legs were hurting before I sank to the leafy carpet under my feet and rested my back against a maple. Overhead, the wind rustled the leaves and I could hear a soft call of a mourning dove. Closing my eyes, I pressed the back of my head against the bark of the tree and tried to calm myself. Every year that passed, it felt like my life was becoming more chaotic, more confusing, and more complicated. The worst part was, it felt like I had no control.
So, I did the only thing I could think of that calmed me. I thought about what I would say in my next letter to Keenan…
Present Day
Mina: Seventeen Years Old
July
“No one else gives a fuck about you…”
“I’m all you’ve got.”
“Dad has his own life. Once you’re eighteen, he won’t be bothered with you…”
“Every person you’ve loved is gone, except for me. You will always have me. Only me.”
“I’m the only one who has been there for you…”
“Your own mother wasn’t even there, remember? She chose the bottle over you every time. Only I was there. I was the only one who wanted to be with you.”
Every night this week, when Shay crawls into bed with me, he whispers these reminders into my ear before he gives me a kiss and falls asleep. When I wake up in the mornings, I’m alone, and when I go to the main room, Shay treats me as he has always done, acting the part of big brother in front of James.
Shay stays close, his touches becoming more frequent, and intimate, like when he places a hand on my hip and squeezes, or when we were watching a movie and he pulled me into his lap then rested his hand on my stomach beneath my shirt, so that it was against my skin. Sometimes, it catches me off-guard, while other times, I melt against his touch, craving the beautiful distraction. He’s all I have right now. James is always at the club, and I’m cut off from everyone else with my injury. So, I cling to Shay, desperate for his promises of protection and constant attention.
I’m already feeling shattered and broken over all the memories and emotions that I’ve been bottling up this past month. I’ve fought to suppress it all, but I’ve started cracking this past week. My inability to block out thoughts of Mum and the attack, and the fact that I still can’t fall asleep when I’m on my own, or without my old childhood nightlight… I’m a mess. My cast has been a heavy reminder of the fact that a dream I’d once been working towards is over, and each day that I limp along, the thumping of it against the floorboards only seems to resonate in my skull again and again, like the echo of a harsh bell… It’s over… it’s over… it’s over…
But…
I’ve also noticed how Shay’s silver eyes carry shadows around them, the dark rings beneath them more prominent, as though he’s been having trouble sleeping. But he’s been with me every night, and he always drifts off before I do, so I know that’s not it. He looks haunted, and combined with his new disposition and dark words that he murmurs into my head each night, I find myself more uncertain and confused, but at the same time, I’m determined to please him. I need him here with me, not spiraling.
I’m also plagued by other thoughts and memories.
Keenan…
He’s a secret I’ve kept safe for several years now. When we started our correspondence, I was just a kid. I couldn’t help but think that maybe his attention towards me was a part of some other plan… after all, he and Shay are basically enemies. But, that day on the beach. That felt real… so real, it scared me. And when I relive our moments together, I’m surprised by how much they affect me, even more than my moments with Shay when he’s giving me comforting kisses and caresses.
But as much as I wanted to hear from Keenan, I haven’t been able to contact him, not with Shay staying close to my side all day and sleeping in my bed every night. There has not been a spare moment where I felt safe enough to shift the floorboard aside and check the phone for messages. When I think about when I do get the chance to contact him, if I open my phone and there are zero texts or calls from him, the thought is incredibly painful and I feel an actual ache in my chest. I want so desperately to check, but I won’t risk Keenan’s safety.
Shay hasn't even left me alone to go to the club. I shiver at the thought of Shay suspecting my contact with Keenan. I have no idea if that is even a possibility, if something has happened to give him the idea that I am talking to his adversary. But I decide to be careful nonetheless, just in case. So, I avoid the hidden spot beneath my bed, not giving it even a second glance, in case Shay is watching me for any clues.
So for now, I bask in his comfort and attention, craving it like a drug. Shay’s love reassures me that I’m truly not alone.
The night before my seventeenth birthday, Shay stayed with me as usual, only this time, while he had been murmuring those hushed reminders into my ear, his lips brushing against its curve, one of his hands had drifted under my shirt and I lay frozen as his fingers moved a little lower. They slipped beneath the elastic waistband of my sweats, skimming ever so slightly over my clit, teasing it.
“Mina?”
“Huh?” I breathed, realizing I hadn’t been listening to a word he’d been saying. My mind was too distracted by his wandering hand.
“Do you understand?” His voice deepens dangerously, becoming more of a growl than anything.
Shit… I have no idea what he just asked me. His other hand moves to my chin and grips it tightly before turning my face to his. His nose brushes against the tip of mine and his piercing eyes hold my gaze. I shiver involuntarily at the intimidating look he gives me. “Sh-Shay, I-I-” I stammer as his fingers continue to tease my flesh.
“Do you understand, Sweetness?” he hisses between his clenched teeth.
“Y-yes, I understand,” I whisper, hoping that I wasn’t damning myself with my answer.
His full lips lift up into a cruel smile and his grip on my chin relaxes a bit, but he doesn’t let go. Slowly, Shay leans in and gives me another one of those simple, yet firm, kisses on my mouth, letting his lips linger a little longer this time.
“Good,” he murmurs, before settling in beside me. His hand slides out from beneath my pants, leaving me feeling slightly restless and unfulfilled, and slightly irritated. Why did he stop? He rests his head on my chest, his ear on my heart, and wraps his arms around me before closing his eyes. “Don’t make me kill anyone tomorrow.”
My heart hammers in my chest at his words. What in the fuck does he mean by that? Oh my God, what did I just agree to? Tomorrow is my birthday and the party is being held at the Celtic Beasts Clubhouse. What could I possibly do there that would make Shay want to kill someone? I take his words literally because, well, it’s Shay.