“Relax, Mina,” his voice is quiet as his warm breath floats over my skin like a heavy fog, “Just stay by my side at the party and do as I say and I won’t lose it. Got it?”
“Y-yes,” I stammer, my eyes wide open as I stare up at the ceiling, feeling like a cross between a prisoner and a cherished possession.
“Good girl.”
Now it’s morning, and I lay awake in my bed, my room filled with pale morning light, alone. I don’t know what to think of Shay’s words and his behaviour. But I know that the last thing I want is to be the reason he goes off the rails. So, I’ll just do as he said, stay by his side, and watch him for the signs I’ve come to recognize that means he’s descending into his darkness.
I lie in bed, my hands gripping the blankets as I think over the words he’s been murmuring in my ear every night. “No one else gives a fuck about you… I’m all you’ve got. Every person you’ve loved is gone, except for me. You will always have me. Only me.” It scares me how right his words are. Everyone else is gone, and at that moment, I’m reminded that this is the first birthday where Mum…
I shake the thought away as quickly as I can and force myself to get up and get ready.
I end up showering (after wrapping my leg up in garbage bags held up around my thigh to keep my cast dry), and putting on a little bit of makeup (simple winged eyeliner, mascara, and pink lip-gloss) before I stand and stare dismally at my closet for something to wear today. The cast kind of limits me, and in the end, I decide on a lace, periwinkle blue dress with spaghetti straps. It hugs my upper body, but fans out at my hips and goes down to just above my knees. I slip on a beige ballerina flat to my uninjured leg, then blow-dry my hair so it sits around my shoulders in loose waves.
It's the first time I’ve dressed up in ages, and except for the cast, I feel good. More like myself again. It helps that I can move much easier on my crutches now, sometimes even with just one. But today, I intend to pick the comfiest couch at the club to relax on, and make everyone else cater to me. I’ve been through enough and I’m going to be a greedy bitch today, I’ve decided.
I make my way down the hall to the main room of the house where James and Shay are waiting. As soon as they see me, my stepfather bursts into a loud cheer and runs forward, hugging me tightly as he gently lifts me up off the ground. “Happy birthday, Baby Girl!” He practically shouts as he twirls me around. I wrap my arms around his neck, dropping my crutches and can’t help but laugh as we spin. When James sets me down on my feet, I sway slightly, dizzy and a little off-balance. A strong hand grips my elbow and I look up to see Shay standing at my side, my crutches in his other hand, and a scorching look in his silver eyes as his mouth curls into a small, almost tentative smile, as he stares down at me.
“Happy birthday, Sweetness,” he murmurs in a raspy tone.
“Thank you,” I take my crutches from him and look away, finding his heated gaze way too intense. My cheeks redden as I remember how he touched me bare for the first time last night. But then, he’d pulled away. I didn’t understand his intentions. I knew what I needed from him, but what did he need from me?
The Past…
Mina: Thirteen Years Old
October
The summer had sucked. It sucked big, dirty, hairy old man balls. After Shay was banned from my room, he took a serious nosedive. He was out late, doing stuff for the club, but never wanted to talk about it. He said it was club business. But his mood was surly, he snapped at Mum and James often, and stomped around the house like an angry storm. Mum seemed to enjoy antagonizing him, and she and Shay got into arguments almost every time they were in the same room together. Then James would intervene, and soon, he’d be joining them and all three would be yelling at the top of their lungs, swearing and threatening each other. As usual, my anxiety grew, and I’d lock myself in my room and blast some music to try to distract myself. Once upon a time, we’d all gotten along. We all smiled and laughed and enjoyed each other’s company. When had that changed? Or had I just been a naïve little kid that didn’t see it before?
School had started up again, and now that it was the end of October, that meant I was busy keeping on top of my schoolwork and I was going to ballet classes several times a week on top of it, so I rarely saw anyone because by the time I got home, I was usually so tired and sore from dance that I’d scarf down whatever food was leftover in the fridge, then I’d pass out in bed.
So I spent most of my summer at the theatre with Keenan, where he became my unofficial cheerleader and coach, often lounging in the front row while shouting words of encouragement, which meant saying things like, “Mina, that was terrible. You looked like a duck that has a fucked up wing,” or, “when you move like that, it reminds me of the time I got so drunk that I forgot how to walk”. These comments usually ruined my concentration and I’d bend over laughing so hard, I’d cry. He helped keep me from becoming too anxious and serious with my dancing. As good as I wanted to be, when I started becoming so frustrated every time I messed up, I’d stop altogether. But Keenan’s observations and the random crap he spewed, always got me laughing and he’d encourage me to try again, in which case, I’d do better as I was determined not to look like a gibbled duck or a drunk.
But now, it was Friday, nearly the end of the month, and the night Shay and I would usually have our dinner and game night. But when the bell rang, signaling the end of the day, I received a text from him saying he was going to be busy with some work for the Beasts tonight.
Bitterness washed over me like a bucket of water was dumped over my head as I read his text, apologizing for bailing last minute. I bit the inside of my cheek and decided not to even bother responding. All summer he’d done this to me, and I was losing my patience. Earlier, two of my girlfriends had asked me to join them at the movies, but because it was Friday, I had declined. I was tempted to go find them before they left for the day and say I changed my mind when I sensed someone standing by me. I glance over my shoulder and see Eli Jacobson standing there.
Eli was one of the jocks of our middle school. He played soccer and lacrosse and was admired by most of the female population in this place. He flashed me a bright smile and flipped his light brown hair out of his chocolate coloured eyes as he casually leaned against the locker next to me. “Did I interrupt something?” he asks me, his dark gaze flicking down to the phone clutched tightly in my hand.
Just as he says it, it goes off and I look down to see Shay is calling me, most likely upset that I’m ignoring his text. Well, screw him. I ignore his call and shove my phone into my bag, then turn to Eli, wondering why he’s talking to me. If my friends, Becca and Ashley, saw him standing next to me, guaranteed they’d both lose their minds and would squeal and burst into a giggle fit. Not me. I mean, don’t get me wrong, Eli is cute enough, but I haven’t ever really thought about him.
“Nope,” I tell him, “Nothing important.” When he doesn’t say anything else, I arch a brow at him. “What’s up? Did you forget to write down our English assignment or something?” I ask him, thinking about the one class we both share together.
He smirks and shakes his head, “Naw, I… well, I know we haven’t really talked much, Mina…” He suddenly lowers his gaze, as if he’s uncomfortable. I wait in silence, watching him. He rubs the back of his neck and peeks at me. “I was wondering if I could walk you home, maybe?”