“He hit me! The little fucker hit me! I’ll call the cops! I’ll get him locked up for assault!” Mum was screaming. I slowly turned her way, noting that she did indeed look like she suffered a punch or two to the face. Her left eye was swelling, and her lip was cut. Her hair was a mess, and her eyes were shining with angry tears as she practically growled at my stepbrother. “I’m done, done! Done with him! I’m done, James!” My stepdad rushed over to her, holding her face in his hands as he inspected her wounds, his eyes tight with worry.
Across the space, Shay was staggering to his feet, his lip bleeding, and an angry bruise was already forming on his jaw. The furious grimace on his face was locked onto my mother. He didn’t even look like he realized his father had just punched him twice. His silver eyes didn’t even bother looking in his direction. I didn’t approve of him striking my mum. Far from it. If anything, I wanted to pull a James and clock him across the face, too. But I couldn’t. Not now. Not when he was spiraling and looking like he wanted to lunge at my mum again. James turned to block her from view, his stance ready and fists clenched.
“Back the fuck up, Shay!” he shouted at him. “You lay your hands on Emily again, and I’ll fucking knock you out! You never hit her! Ever!”
But Shay looked as though he couldn’t even hear his dad. Instead of answering, or even looking in his direction, he simply narrowed his eyes as he stared over James’ shoulder at my mum, who glared right back. His body was literally shaking with rage and adrenaline.
“Shay?” I said loudly, and took a step forward. I don’t know what I was doing… how I was going to get him to stop. I was hoping to distract him, to get him to forget about Mum so James could help her. It worked.
He blinked and his silver eyes flickered over to me, looking surprised to see me standing so close. He really hadn’t noticed… he’d been so far gone…
Releasing a long, unsteady breath, his entire body shuddered uncontrollably, and he reached for me so fast, he was like a viper trying to strike. I could hear Mum’s opposing shriek, followed by James’ more soothing rumble, “It’s okay, Em. He won’t hurt her. I promise, alright? Come on, babe, let’s clean you up, huh? Get you a nice hot bath?” Their footsteps grew fainter as they climbed the stairs to their room, leaving me alone with Shay.
He was still shaking hard as he held me, until his legs gave out and he sank to the floor in a heap, dragging me with him. He crushed me to his chest and guided my legs around his waist, so I was sitting on him like a koala bear. Satisfied, he buried his face into my hair and held on like he was afraid he would drown without me there to cling to. His own personal life preserver. I wrapped my arms around his neck, doing what I’d done so many times before when he was like this. I let him hold me, kiss my head, and rock us both side to side as he fought back his demons. I “shushed” him over and over, occasionally running my fingers through his hair as I tried to soothe him.
“It’s okay, Shay,” I whispered, “It’s okay. We’re here, we’re home, we’re safe… we’re in a safe place. We’re together. It’s okay,” I said again and again, waiting for his demons to retreat. This time, it only took an hour for him to silence the dark whispers that haunted his mind.
“You can’t leave, Mina,” he said finally. “You won’t leave.”
“I will, Shay. I’m sorry, but this is something I want so bad-”
“No.”
“I’ll visit, okay? I’ll see you all the time on weekends and-”
“No.”
I sighed heavily, still clinging to him, feeling like a baby monkey. “Look, me going away for dance... it’s not supposed to be an attack against you. Mum-”
“She doesn’t understand shit, Mina!” he hissed vehemently. “She just wants to take you from me!”
“That’s not true. She wants what’s best for-”
“No! She wants to fuck with me. She always has!”
“Shay...”
But before I could say anything else in her defence, he rose to his feet, and set me back in my chair. Without another word, he stormed out of the house, the sound of his Harley roaring as he drove away in a rush.
This all happened two weeks ago.
Since then, I’ve only been even more determined to practice like a madwoman. I couldn’t live like this. I was tired of Shay trying to warp me into something he needed, something he wanted. Well, what about what I wanted?
School was almost over for the year, and my final recital was coming up on the first of June, only a month before my seventeenth birthday. Miss Riley was going to record my performance so I could use it as part of my application into dance school once I graduate next year.
Determined, I took my place once more on the old stage, and went through my routine for what felt like the hundredth time. I wanted to be perfect. For myself and, if I’m being completely honest, for my mother. She told me a month ago that she would be there for my performance, but Mum had become even more unreliable the past few years, and I knew I’d have to remind her again.
She was a flat-out drunk.
She is always at the club, with James or without, drinking heavily into the late hours of the night. If she was at home, she was hungover, or on the cusp of passing out. Her drinking had only amped up after my Gran passed away a year ago from a sudden stroke. After that, James told me that my mum signed him as a legal guardian for me, and since then, she seemed to have collapsed in on herself like a dying star, like she just decided to give up on everything.
I missed my mum. How she used to be. I remember how sweet and caring she had been when I was a little kid. She was fun, all smiles, we’d grown closer after Dad died. Now, we rarely talked. We couldn’t. How could we when she was either passed out or piss-drunk? And when she was neither, she was too busy arguing with Shay to pay attention to much else.
God, I hated being in that house. I fucking hated it. I hated the club. I hated what James and Shay did for a living. Once, I walked in on them both coming home in the dead of the night, burning the clothes they had on in the fireplace. I stopped in the hall, unseen by them, and gaped as I took in the blood spatter that covered them both. Another time, I needed to borrow a screwdriver for the new locks I’d put on my bedroom door, and snuck into James’ garage. As I searched for his toolbox, I came across sets of handcuffs, guns, knives, jugs of bleach and other cleaning products that filled one of the black cabinets in the back. It had been left open (when it was normally locked), and seeing all of these weapons and tools for restraints… well, it didn’t take a genius to put it together. I just didn’t need the details. I’d slammed the cabinet shut and ran out of there as fast as I could. Later, when James came home, I just asked him if he could get me the screwdriver, and pretended I hadn’t been anywhere near that cabinet in the garage.
I felt sick that the money they earned through their bullshit was what paid for my clothes and dancing. That was why I needed to be perfect this weekend. Dance was my ticket out of this shithole. Keenan had been right the whole time.
I held a pose on my toes, but through my canvas slipper, my big toe suddenly twinged and I fell sideways, catching myself at the last second so I wouldn’t sprawl across the floor. Gasping for air, I meandered over to where my bag was sitting by a row of empty seats and grabbed my water bottle. For a minute, I stood there, my thoughts running away with me when I quickly checked the time. I had a few hours before I needed to start heading home, but where the hell was Keenan?