I clenched my teeth.
I was really looking forward to seeing him this week. I found that I needed his presence like I needed air, because at home, I was suffocating…
Fucking Shay…
He turned twenty-three in March, and was now a full-fledged member of the Celtic Beasts. Even without the tantrum he pulled when I mentioned leaving for dance school, he still had enough dark spells that it kept me at his beck and call. James always appeased to him when he got in those moods, and because all he wanted was yours truly, I was forced to be available. I was even hauled out of dance class a few weeks ago because Shay had had a rough night after some stupid assignment in Ashland. It had been mortifying to have James burst into the middle of my dance class and literally carry my ass out of there in front of Miss Riley and the other students.
No, apparently it was my responsibility to keep him in control. The few times that he had gone off on a tangent, I was brought in to help him come back. I was the only one who could. But despite the fact that I tried to keep Shay away from the dark thoughts and twisted urges that tormented him, I could see that he also seemed to enjoy it at times. I could tell by the way his lips curled into a smile when I overheard him talking with James about the “take-outs” he did for the Beasts. He sounded… proud. Excited. I got chills every time he spoke that way.
Shay was huge, with muscles and a frighteningly dark disposition about him. Any girl friends that I had, all crushed hard on him, like Becca, in particular. They loved the messy dark hair and scruff on his chin. They swooned at his silver eyes and dark tattoos and lip ring. When he pulled up on his motorcycle to pick me up from school on occasion, or at a day-outing at the lake or the mall, my friends would blush and giggle and wave at him. He’d wink in return, and they’d lose their minds, all jutting out their boobs or would flip their hair at him. I’d roll my eyes and feel my cheeks turn red with embarrassment by their crushes on my stepbrother.
I loved my stepfather and I loved my stepbrother… they were nothing but sweet to me. But there was an ugly side to them that I couldn’t stand. I hated how James treated my mum. I mean, I know he loved her in his own way, but his unfaithfulness just ate away at me. I hated that he was involved in some serious shit that I would never dream of touching in my life. And Shay… Shay was headed down a dark road.
The thought of Shay had me squirming uncomfortably.
Today, I just needed a break. I needed Keenan.
I took a long draught of water from my water bottle and moved back to the stage to go through the routine one last time. I don’t know what was keeping him, but without him here, combined with my sour mood, I felt less than enthused to keep going. I took position and started a pirouette, spinning on the spot several times while balanced on my toe, and then leapt through the air in a grand jetes. I landed (ignoring the pain in my toes, which I would ice later) and drifted in spins to the side, using the momentum from the jump to move myself. I stopped and spun back around, and let out a surprised shout when I saw that I wasn’t as alone as I originally thought.
Standing in front of the seats, right in front of the stage, was Keenan. His hands were in the pockets of his jeans. He wore a dark blue t-shirt under his cut, and his sunglasses rested in the neckline of his shirt. His blond hair was shoved back off his face, his blue eyes glinting playfully, gorgeous as always, something I’ve only become too painfully aware of as I’ve gotten older. My cheeks involuntarily flush at the sight of him and I smiled shyly as he strolled along the edge of the stage towards me.
“About time you got here, Mathers,” I teased him. “Need me to teach you how to read a clock again?”
“Well, hello to you, too, Sunshine.” He grinned and pulled himself up onto the platform. “Why the attitude today? Miss me that much?” He straightens and I can’t help but notice how his gaze seems to roam all over me, like… he’s checking me out or something. “Because I missed you.” He winks. I stare at him, my throat suddenly dry and I can’t find the words to speak. I try to ignore the butterflies that are fluttering about in my stomach. He was normally like this, wicked with a subtle hint of flirtation that’s only become more pronounced over the years of meeting here. But ever since that day he called me breathtaking, when he talked about my smile, I’ve been more shy of his flirty behaviour, though I was actually thrilled to receive it.
“You’re amazing, you know,” he said as he eyed me, hands in the pockets of his jeans. “Your dancing? You’re perfect.”
I cross my arms, bashful, my face now beat red. “I still need to work on my grand jetes.” I quickly avert my eyes, shy from his praise.
“I have no idea what the fuck that means, but it looked beautiful from where I was standing.”
I laugh, shaking my head as I jump off the edge of the stage and head to where my bag of clothes, shoes, and water are waiting for me. He knew damned well what a grand jete was, the smartass. “What took you so long today?” I ask, not looking at him as I have a drink.
I can’t help but feel a little resentful towards him. I looked forward to our visits, which ended up being twice a week now. Wednesdays after school, and Sunday afternoon, which was today.
“Club business, Sunshine…” he murmurs, darkly.
My head whips up to see him looking away from me, towards the back of the stage. It feels as though he is hiding something. I quickly shake that thought away. No… Keenan has been nothing but a sense of serenity and calm in my life. A constant. I didn’t want to taint that. But I couldn’t help but wonder what he meant by club business. From what I gathered over our years of contact, the Spades ran two successful and legal businesses. They had a garage where they fixed up trucks and bikes, and their own club lounge that was open most nights to civilians. As far as I heard, from Keenan and from whispers in town, they were a typical, honest biker club, with no shady connections to speak of for years. So why did he sound so sour now?
“Well, you didn’t have to come by if you were busy,” I tell him. “I don’t want to keep you from your club obligations.” I knew how serious club matters were. When James and Shay were called in by Uncle Shawn, they hauled ass to the Beasts clubhouse and everything was sworn to secrecy. I didn’t want to be the reason that Keenan could possibly get into some serious shit with his brothers.
“You’re not keeping me from anything,” he said, turning back to look down at me.
“But... the club-”
“I wanted to see you, Mina,” he says, straight-faced and for once, absolutely serious.
I gawped at him for a moment, staring at his face as I read the conviction in his expression, and shook my head, sceptical.
“You don’t believe me?”
“No,” I said honestly. To him, I was just a teenage girl from an opposing biker gang who he babysat twice a week and traded notes with. Why he continued to entertain the whole pen-pal thing was beyond me. I’d even offered once or twice to end the charade, but he’d always write back a long-winded refusal. Once or twice I even tried to talk to him about it when he came to watch me dance, but he silenced any attempts I made to end our little rendezvous.
He chuckles. “Oh Mina, always so self-sacrificing.” He shakes his head. “Is it really so hard to think that I want to see you? That I enjoy spending time with you?”