I sat on one of the seats and took off my slippers, gratefully stretching out my toes. I didn’t know how to answer that. Keenan was always so playful, but now that he was being so direct, I found it a little disarming. I quickly slipped on a band shirt over my leotard as well as a pair of tights, and zipped up my hoodie before slipping on a pair of comfortable flats, then took my hair out of its bun.
“I always want to see you, Sunshine.” He moves to the edge of the stage and sits down, his legs dangling off the side, facing me. I remain where I am, and slowly peer up to meet his beautiful, blue eyes. “I like it when you tease me. I like watching you dance. I like making you angry when I make fun of you.” I scrunch my nose at his words, and he only laughs lightly in response. “We’ve been talking for… what? Five-six years now? I like to think we’ve gotten close.”
I twist my fingers in my lap, unsure of what to say. I want to believe him… so badly. But it seems too good to be true. That was the issue with Keenan. I had no idea why he bothered with me. Why did he check in on me? Why did he continue to? I wanted to ask him, but chickened out instead and continued to sit there like an idiot as he fixed me with a thoughtful sort of look.
“One thing you’ve never mentioned, here or in our messages, is why you no longer go to the club picnics or family events,” he says suddenly and I stare at him in confusion.
“What?”
“The past few years, you’ve been absent. I know, because our club has the same event on the same fucking day as yours every year at the same fucking park. You don’t think I look for you?”
“I don’t like taking part in club activities anymore.” I lower my eyes as I take another sip from my water bottle, trying not to show how pleased I was at the idea of him wanting to see me.
“Why not?”
“Would you believe me if I said I finally woke up and realized what it’s all about? And that I want no part in it?” I can’t hide the disgust in my voice. I’ve never mentioned to Keenan what I walked in on that day at the clubhouse. What I saw James and Shay doing, along with all the other men I’d once looked up to. I was embarrassed and disgusted. And Keenan, as kind and as supportive as he has been, he’s a biker, too. I quashed the wave of nausea in my belly when I pictured, not Shay, but Keenan with that girl…
He tilts his head sideways a bit, his look contemplative. He pauses for a moment and then says softly, “Yes, I would believe that.”
I blink once, not expecting his answer.
“Come on, Sunshine… you aren’t meant for this life. You’re not a gangbanger, or a groupie, or an old lady.” His lips purse, as though the thought upsets him. “You belong on a stage somewhere, with adoring fans, and a nice flat in the city.” Keenan runs his hands through his golden hair, looking even more exasperated. “You’d wither and die if you became a part of the life they lead.”
“It feels like it already. I mean, look at my mum,” I mutter, toying with a loose thread on my white t-shirt.
“She’s given up.” I can’t help but note the touch of sadness in his voice when he says this. My mum being an alcoholic is not news to him. I’ve vented about her to him for over two years now. For a minute, neither of us speak, but I can feel him watching me. “You seem unhappy, kiddo…”
“You’re observant,” I snap and instantly regret it. Closing my eyes, I shake my head, hating that I was acting so bitchy to him when he had been nothing but kind to me, and starred in my late-night fantasies. Ugh! Don’t think about it now, Mina! I scold myself, hoping he can’t read my thoughts on my face. “I’m sorry. I’m in a mood today… ignore me.”
“Hard to do.”
My head snaps up to see his glacier coloured eyes looking me over. I flush slightly. Keenan was twenty-two… I was a teenager… was he seriously checking me out? Though I’d finally grown boobs and hips over the past few years, I couldn’t believe he saw me in that way, though I always daydreamed about the idea. What was it he had said to me? You are breathtaking… I brush the thought aside. “How about you?” I asked him.
“What about me?” His brows rise high on his forehead as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a smoke. I watch as he lights up.
“Your life in the club? How is that going for you?” It wasn’t something I’d ever dared ask him before. I was always careful to mind my business when it came to members of biker clubs. I was not privy to their activities, and I respected that. Keenan, being from a rival club, would be even more out of bounds for me to question. But now, my curiosity got the better of me. His notes about his life were usually so circumspect, and I can only assume it’s because he’s hiding his identity in case a certain stepbrother of mine should find them.
He shrugs. “Same old, Sunshine… biking, boozing, fighting, and fucking. What else is there?”
I cringe at his words. It was exactly what I’d walked in on almost three and a half years ago. It was as I feared. I fought back the rising resentment and disappointment in my mind. Apparently, Keenan was exactly like my stepbrother. I fix him with a hard stare. “Well, I mean, if that’s what you want to do with your life, then good for you,” I say brusquely, and stand up to start gathering my things.
“What happened to you?” he asks as he watches me shove my ballet slippers and water bottle into my bag.
“What do you mean? I’m the same girl I was last week…” I freeze on the spot when he suddenly jumps off the stage and saunters over to me. Tensing, I grip the bag in my hands and flinch back a little when he stops not even a foot away, standing so close, I can feel the heat coming off his body. He blows the smoke out the corner of his mouth, preventing it from getting in my face as he intently stares down at me, making me feel like he can see my soul through my eyes.
“I mean, what happened to that little girl that was so full of trust and light? You’re like a nervous cat… guarded and unhappy… you’re the opposite of what you were when we first met.” He takes a drag on his cig and blows it, again, out the corner of his mouth. “Even in your notes, when you tell me about your mum and stuff, you don’t seem so… surly. Did something happen this week?”
“I guess I opened my eyes and realized the world wasn’t as good as I thought it was.”
He doesn't move at my words, but his frown deepens. For a long time, he says nothing, but stares hard at me. I tremble from his scrutinizing look, but stubbornly hold his gaze. Finally, Keenan seemed to make a decision about something. He drops the cigarette to the floor and stomps it out with his heel, never taking his eyes from mine, and grabs one of my hands. “Come on.”
Without waiting for me to answer, he turns and starts climbing the stairs that lead to the exit I use to get in and out of this place. I hurry to keep up with his long stride, my bag clutched in my hand. “Key? What the hell?”
Instead of answering, he presses against the loose sheet metal that’s propped over the exit door and guides us out into the bright, afternoon sun. Hidden amongst the shrubs, his black Harley is waiting, and he hands me his helmet. “Put it on, Sunshine.”
“What are we doing?” I ask, not moving.