Above me, Keenan continues until finally, he grunts and, panting hard, slowly rubs the hard bulge in his pants up and down my pussy. He shudders, his arms giving out and collapses upon me, his head on my chest, and slowly wraps his arms around my waist. We both lay there on his grey Spades jacket, listening to the distant sounds of the waves splashing upon the shore, and the gulls crying out as they fly overhead. I can feel his heart pounding against my stomach and I know mine is mirroring his as he listens to it intently. Neither of us speak as we slowly come down and catch our breath.
I’m suddenly overwhelmed by a completely new feeling. It tugs at my heart, but feels more like it’s swelling, like a bubble of pure joy and ecstasy is blossoming in me. I run my fingers through Keenan’s hair, enjoying the soft touch, loving how close he is to me, and how he holds me like something he cherishes more than anything else in the world. He turns his head and presses a kiss over my heart, and I think I actually might cry. The tears I fought back before sting my eyes, but I fight to keep it together. I don’t want to ruin this perfect, beautiful moment.
“I don’t want you to go back to that house…” he whispers against my skin.
I don’t want to go back, either, I think. I don’t want to leave him. I just want to stay here and be with him and hold onto this feeling. For the first time in years, I’m really smiling, I feel free, and I’m in the arms of someone who actually wants what is best for me, and not for some other selfish, ulterior motive.
“I have to...” I breathe, my eyes still staring up at the sky. I have a leg hooked around his thighs, my other one stretched out to the side on the sand. He’s still lying between them, but it’s a comfortable weight. In fact, I don’t want to move at all. I feel like I could stay this way with him forever.
“You’re so fucking beautiful, you know that?” he tells me. “Seeing the young woman that you have grown into after all these years of putting up with your snarky, bratty comments.” Though he is being absolutely serious, I still pick up on the playful teasing in his voice, “watching you dance… how you put every fucking person before yourself, because you are so selfless and good.” He shivers a little and gives me another squeeze around my waist. “And I’m just a piece of shit biker, bringing in minimum wage working at a garage, with nothing to offer that could help you with your dreams. I shouldn’t take you… but I want to.”
He shifts up a little more so that his face is buried against my neck. I wrap my arms around him, my hands clutching the muscles of his back, needing to be as close as possible.
“Mina,” he breathes against my skin, “I know this is wrong. I shouldn’t have… I shouldn’t…” He trails off and I’m suddenly feeling panicked, like he is about to break my heart. He regrets this? Now that it’s done and over? Well, great, that’s just fucking great… I’m about to angrily shove him off of me when he presses his soft lips beneath my ear and along my jaw. “But I couldn’t hold back anymore.” He shudders when my fingers start running over his back, drawing lazy circles upon it. My sudden disappointment and anger recedes to relief. “But Mina… I don’t want to trap you in this life, either. My mother… she-she…” His voice sounds strained and his hands squeeze my hips tight. “She didn’t want this life. She didn’t understand what came with it until she was pregnant with me. And then, she turned to drugs to deal.”
I instantly think of my own mum and my heart tears a little as his words sink in.
“I don’t want you to become that, Mina,” he whispers, finally. “As much as I want to keep you. It wouldn’t be fair to you.”
“Key,” I whisper, hating his words. He truly does believe that he’s no good trash, that he doesn’t deserve to be with me. How can he? I want to shake some sense into him. He is the most selfless person I’ve ever met! Despite the trauma he's endured, what with his poverty, his mother’s addiction, her death, and then getting swept up into the lifestyle that destroyed her… he still smiles and fights for me. It has become so clear to me now… he wants to save me from the life his mother, and mine, were both chained to.
“So, here’s what’s going to happen.” One of his hands slides out from under me to cup my cheek, and he shifts up a little so that his forehead is pressed to mine, his gaze locked on me. “I’m going to kiss you one last fucking time, and then I’m going to take you home. And at your recital, you dance your fucking heart out, because that will be how you escape this fucking place.” Keenan breathes in quick, sharp spurts, as though what he’s saying is causing him pain. “And you need to leave, Mina. Shay is… Shay’s…” His voice trails off as he struggles to speak.
“What about Shay?” I’m so overwhelmed from all of this, I can’t even fully grasp it all.
Keenan tenses a bit, but his expression becomes determined and fierce as he speaks, “Listen to me… I can’t say for sure, but just in case, a time might come when you will be looking for someone to turn to, someone to trust, and I want you to know that you can always come to me.” The hand on my face slides back into my hair, gripping a fistful as he gives me a small shake. “You got that? If you need to run, to hide, to escape… you come find me. Alright?” Before I can answer, he pulls closer, kissing my forehead, my cheeks, and the tip of my nose. “I won’t hurt you, darlin’… I would never hurt you. But I don’t trust those closest to you. It kills me every time I have to let you go back to them…”
“What do you know about Shay, Key?” I ask, wondering why he mentioned my stepbrother at all.
Keenan is so tense, he’s shaking slightly. “Everyone in our world knows that he’s insane. Combine that with the fact that he’s capable of anything, well, knowing that someone like that is so close to you scares the shit out of me.”
“Keenan.” I lay my hand alongside his face. “Shay won’t hurt me. He never would.”
“I agree, but…” he stops as though he’s struggling to find the words. “Just… be careful around him.”
We don’t say anything after that. I don’t have words to say that will make it all better, and now, I think I finally understand why he pulled away from me every time we got too close when we were together at the theatre. He wants me… he wants me like I want him. But, he was letting me go to live my dream.
Oh, Keenan… Goddamn it…
Before I can say anything, he reaches up, touching my lips with his thumb. “The worst thing you could do is throw it all away for a guy, Mina. So don’t even fucking think of it. You go and dance on the stage and be the star you are supposed to be… I’ll still be here for you. Whenever you need me. Understand?”
“I-”
“Understand?”
He was making the decision for me, but for once, it was a decision that was made entirely for my desires and well-being. He wasn’t going to be selfish with me. My eyes fill with tears and, unable to stop myself, I throw my arms around his neck and kiss him hard, dragging him back down onto his cut with me.
I’m going to kiss you one last fucking time…