"He… His profile mentioned something I misinterpreted. I should've known, but it never crossed my mind, and I feel so stupid I can't even… I feel awful. I don't think I can do this. I'll probably die a virgin, all alone…"
With anyone else, Calix would've probably laughed at that overdramatic statement, but not now. It hurt to hear Rhett so sad and hopeless. But it was impossible to figure out what to say when he still didn't understand what had passed between those two.
"Sweetheart, I understand it's hard for you to talk about, but I want to help you and offer you advice, but I don't know where to start when I don't know what's going on. Can you tell me? You know whatever it is will be safe with me."
Rhett shot him a quick look sideways. "I know you wouldn't tell anyone else. It's just that… It's so embarrassing. You'll laugh at me. Then I'll feel even worse than I already do. Not that I even think that's possible."
Calix grabbed his shoulder and brought him to a stop. "I would never laugh at you. No matter what it is. Not when I can see you're hurting."
Rhett finally met his gaze, and oh, the pain in those blue eyes was staggering. Every cell in Calix's body was screaming to help him, to soothe that pain, to take away whatever was hurting him.
"He's a Daddy," Rhett finally said, his voice soft as a whisper.
He's a…? Oh no. Poor, poor Rhett. "He was looking for a boy…"
Rhett nodded, his bottom lip quivering. "He was so sweet about it, so serious. Said he was looking for a long-term relationship. And he'd been honest about it in his profile, but… I somehow missed the Daddy part."
"Had he not stated it explicitly in his profile or his description?"
Rhett let out a long sigh. "His name on the app was Silver Daddy…" He sounded miserable. "I thought that was about how he looked, you know? It never even occurred to me to take it literally."
Calix's heart overflowed with a myriad of emotions—surprise, sadness, empathy, relief. He didn't even think about it but pulled Rhett close and hugged him tightly. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. It was an honest mistake. And from what I could tell, he wasn't upset about it, was he?"
"No, he wasn't. He was super nice, which made me feel even worse. I even told him the truth I was looking for someone to…you know, be my first."
Shivers ran down Calix's spine as it sunk in all over again how serious Rhett was about this. "What did he say?"
He let go of him, noting with relief that the despair had left Rhett's expression.
"That I should wait for the right man, someone who I felt was deserving."
Calix nodded. "I agree. You can't share your first time with a random stranger you meet through a dating app."
Rhett cocked his head, narrowing his eyes. "You do realize you contradict yourself in what you're saying, right? On one hand, you agree the whole concept of virginity is a social construct, something ridiculous that people put way too much pressure and value on. On the other hand, you're telling me my first time should be special and shared with someone worthy of this honor or whatever. So which one is it?"
Of course he'd ask the very question Calix had wondered about himself. And he was right. Rationally, it didn't make sense. He was full of contradictions about this. And yet. He'd always been a man who took decisions based on facts, on rational arguments, but in this case, it wasn't his mind telling him it was wrong. His instincts were screaming at him Rhett deserved better. That he needed someone special, someone who would make him feel special. Someone like…
"I'll do it," he blurted out, and then everything around him disappeared into the background, except for Rhett's gaping mouth and bulging eyes. What the hell was he doing? But now that the words were out, he knew they were right and true and it was the only solution. "I'll do it. Your first time. I'll make it the most special experience ever."
Rhett blinked. "You can't… You can't just offer that. That's… I don't want pity. And you're my boss. It would be wrong."
Calix took a deep breath. He should've never brought this up in the middle of the street, but that ship had sailed now. "Let's start with the latter. I'm no longer your boss. The president is. And as uncomfortable as this may make you, I'll ask for his permission. Not in detail, not about what I offered, but I will ask him for permission to… I don't know, date you? Be in a relationship with you? Whatever term you want to use."
Rhett's mouth opened, then closed, then opened again like a fish gasping for air. "You want to ask the president of the United States for permission to fuck me?"
"No, not fuck you. Share your first time with you. Give you an experience you'll always remember. Make you feel like waiting this long was worth it."
"I don't understand. You're using words like dating and relationship, but that's not what you're offering, is it?"
"No. Yes. Maybe, I don't know. I… I haven't thought that far ahead. All I know is you're sweet and you deserve the best, and I can't stand the thought of your first time being horrible or negative or painful. I want better for you, and call me conceited, but I've always enjoyed sex and would like to think I'm good at it, even though I haven't had practice in years. But it's probably like riding a bike, right?"
God, he sounded like an idiot. An absolute moron. Could he have worded that any worse?
Rhett's mouth trembled. Oh fuck, had he made him cry? Then a smile broke free. "Oh my God, that was the worst sales pitch ever. Like riding a bike? Was that supposed to be sexy?"
Calix laughed as well, the tension in his stomach releasing. "Can I point out you were the first to bring up bikes with your whole remark about learning on an old bike? And by the way, that applies to me as well. Just saying."
Rhett giggled, a lovely, happy sound. "True." Then his smile faded. "But you can't be serious about this. If you're only doing this because you feel sorry for me, I—"
Calix put a finger on his lips. "I don't. It's not pity."
"Thenwhatisit?" Rhett mumbled against his finger.
Calix removed his hand. "I like you. I think you're special, and I have this weird protective instinct toward you."
"So, this is a one-time thing? Like, we make this crazy, highly uncomfortable plan to do it, and then that's it?"
It would have to be, wouldn't it? Calix wasn't ready for anything more. He couldn't be. Not when his heart still belonged to Matthew. "How about we take it one step at a time? Maybe we could…"
He never finished his sentence, his thoughts too confusing and conflicted to voice them out loud. What the hell was he doing?
"Maybe we could…what?"
"You could practice with me. Dating, I mean. And sex. To get the confidence to do it for real. So when you meet someone you could see yourself with in the long run, you won't be scared or insecure."
"In secret?"
"Huh?"
"Would this be a secret affair? Something we have to keep from others? I mean, you already mentioned wanting to talk to the president, which I understand from your point of view, even though the idea is enough for me to call the whole thing off, but what about others?"