Rhett shook his head, his jaw tight. "With all due respect, but you don't know. You can't know. Of course we've talked about this, and you may be able to imagine how this affects me, but you don't really know. You and Perry had sex for the first time when you were sixteen, and I know because you told me every little detail."
Levar inhaled sharply as if he wanted to say something, but Rhett held up his hand. He wasn't done yet, and if he stopped talking now, he'd never say what he needed to tell him.
"It's become a big thing for me, my virginity, and I've come to the conclusion that if I want to start living my own life, I need to get it over with. And frankly, I'm incredibly grateful and relieved Calix wants to help me. At least my first time will be with someone who cares about me and is determined to make it a good experience. You have no idea how scary this is, how embarrassing. Shameful, even. And he's been nothing but nice about it, understanding to the point where he saw how much I struggled, and he offered to help me. You don't get to judge that. Not him for offering nor me for accepting. I know you love me and you mean well, but this is between Calix and me, and I need you to stay out of it."
He trembled, but pride and relief filled him. The words had been percolating inside him for a long time, and while this might not be the best time to voice them, he didn't regret it.
"He's right." Henley stepped into the hallway. "Sorry, I didn't mean to overhear your conversation, but Rhett's absolutely right. This isn't your call."
Emotions flashed over Levar's face. "Don't you see how messy and complicated this is? That it has disaster written all over it?"
"Any worse than it was for us?"
Levar's shoulders dropped. "No."
"And he still supported us."
"But it's different. He's…"
"It shouldn't be different," Rhett said quietly. "I know it feels that way to you, and I'm not denying that isn't true. But it shouldn't be different. I don't want you to treat me as if I am more fragile or vulnerable than you. Not anymore. You've done that for a long time when I needed it badly. But now I need you to stop. I need you to start trusting me to make my own decisions, and this is one of them."
"I'm so scared you'll get hurt," Levar said, his voice choked up. "Again. I can't stand to see you in pain."
Rhett took a step toward him, then reached out his hand, and Levar took it immediately. "Calix won't hurt me. He is a good man, you know that. No matter what happens, he wouldn't allow it to have negative consequences for me. In fact, he's very protective of me."
Henley stepped behind Levar and put a hand on his shoulder. "Again, he's right. You know Calix. I've never heard you say a bad word about him. So maybe try to trust the two of them will work this out."
Never before had Rhett been so grateful for Henley's presence. Levar leaned his head back against Henley's shoulder. "I know you're right. Rationally, I know, but it's not easy to let go."
"Of course it's not. The two of you have had a dynamic that worked well for both of you because it was what you both needed. But you've changed, baby, and now it's Rhett's turn. You'll have to find a new way to be there for him, one that's on more equal terms."
Levar took a deep breath. "I'm sorry," he told Rhett. "I really am. I shouldn't have brought up all these things. All I can say is I meant well."
"I know that. You love me."
Levar's mouth curled up in a smile, breaking the tension on his face. "More than anyone and anything, with one exception."
Rhett smiled back. "I can live with second place."
Levar tugged on his hand, and then they hugged as Henley let go of Levar, a hug that felt wonderfully right and comforting. "I promise that when the time comes, I'll happily give up my first place to whoever has your heart," Levar whispered.
God, they were a bunch of saps, but Rhett felt immeasurably lighter as he released him. "Thank you."
"No, thank you for speaking up, for telling me I was wrong."
Rhett grabbed his bag. "Anyway, I guess I'm off."
"Have fun," Henley said. "And I mean that in every way. I hope you'll have an amazing time."
Was it strange that his best friend's boyfriend knew he was about to lose his virginity? Without doubt. Was it also sweet how he responded and encouraged Rhett? Very much so.
"Thank you. I'm sure I will once I'm past the nerves."
"Henley is right. Have fun. Enjoy it."
Rhett nodded, then lifted his hand in an awkward wave and left. If he stayed any longer, he would lose his freaking nerve.
He took the MARC to DC, then switched to the Metro for the last leg of the journey to Calix's house. All in all, it took him over an hour, and by the time he got there, he had conceived of everything that could go wrong. That hadn't helped his anxiety. Go figure. He was almost shaking when he rang the bell.
Calix took one look at him, then chuckled. "You look as if you're reporting to death row. I promise it won't be quite so bad."
He stepped aside, and Rhett walked past him. "Let's hope you still feel that way tomorrow. I've thought of at least a thousand ways this could go horribly wrong, including one where I vomit all over the very nice carpet in your bedroom."
"I vote against that one. I'm a sympathy puker, so as soon as I smell it, I'll have to vomit as well. Not particularly sexy."
Rhett had hung his coat and turned around. "Sexy is still a ways off. Right now, I'll settle for being able to function."
Calix's expression grew soft. "Don't be nervous, sweetheart. I know you're scared, but it'll be fine." He studied Rhett, who tried hard to keep his face neutral. "It's not helping, is it?"
Rhett shook his head. "To be fair, I don't think anything you say could help. I just…have to get this over with."
"And to think that once upon a time, men threw themselves at my feet for the honor of having sex with me," Calix said dryly.
Rhett's cheeks burned. "I didn't mean that… Of course I know you will… I'm going to stop talking now and not say anything for, like, an hour or two."
He felt miserable. If Calix hadn't regretted his offer by now, this would surely send him right over the edge.
But Calix took his hand, and when Rhett allowed him, he pulled him close and wrapped his arms around him. "I have a much better solution."
Instantly, some of the tension left Rhett. He held on to Calix, putting his cheek against Calix's and letting out a deep sigh. "A hug?"
"Mmm. It sounds like you need some happy endorphins, sweetheart. You're way too much in your head, and I understand, but it'll make things so much harder for you."
Harder. It wasn't funny. It shouldn't be funny. Hello, it was middle-school-level humor, but Rhett couldn't hold back a giggle. "I hope things will get harder," he blurted out.
Calix burst out in laughter. "I hope so too, though I wouldn't worry about it too much. We'll have fun, sweetheart. Sexy fun, no pressure."