In the end, words weren’t needed for me to know that he was deeply and madly in love with me.
29
“We don’t need all those things,” Papa muttered as we were making our way back to camp.
We had said goodbye to Mama this morning and then got picked up by Jason to drive back to Wiseman.
More snow had fallen on the mountains, and we were slowly getting further into the forest without a path in front of us.
We still knew which way to go, but the snow was making it hard.
“You could’ve just told her no,” Fennec pointed out in an annoyed tone, making Papa stop and turn to face him.
“Quit being such a smart-ass.”
“Papa!” I sighed, looking at both of them. “Can you two stop fighting? Why are you so mad at each other all of a sudden?”
Things were fine this morning until Mama urged Papa to take the boxes of pasta, rice, and crackers with us.
She also added flour and sugar, which made Papa’s mood change in an instant.
“I’m not mad,” Fennec said with a shrug, and Papa let out a harsh laugh.
“You’re not in charge here, all right? We’re able to survive without her giving us all that stuff, but you had to go behind my back and allow her to pack everything into this damn bag,” he hissed, holding up the duffle bag.
Fennec was carrying the one we had brought with us, with all of our clothes in it.
“No one’s making you eat what she gave us,” Fennec spat. “It was nice of her, so maybe appreciate her for once.”
Papa dropped the bag and took two steps toward Fennec, but he didn’t flinch or move a muscle, not afraid of Papa.
I, on the other hand, was ready to close my eyes and turn away to not see them fistfight.
Although I had never seen them like this, something told me that this wasn’t new to them.
“Listen, fucker. I didn’t come out here to live the way normal people live or to cook pasta and rice! We hunt. We eat meat, and we make our own damn food. And if you’re starting to change your damn mind about living here, you should’ve stayed in town and be part of a brainwashed society. You wanna live with me, you behave and follow my goddamn rules. Am I clear?”
Seeing Papa so angry was new to me, and I wasn’t sure how to deal with it in the beginning.
Fennec couldn’t help but grin, and with his arms out and raised shoulders, he replied, “Yes, sir.”
“Good. And wipe that stupid grin off your face. You’re not as tough as you think you are.”
Papa picked up the duffle bag without regarding him or me, and before Fennec continued to follow him, he turned to look at me with raised brows. “See? That’s what I had to deal with before you came. He’s a fucking psychopath.”
“He’s acted like this before?” I asked quietly, not wanting Papa to hear.
“Too many times. He pulled himself together when you came, but before that, the littlest things made him raise his voice.”
“Did he ever hit you?”
He didn’t respond.
Instead, he turned and followed Papa deeper into the forest.
“Fennec,” I called out, walking fast to be closer to him and to not get lost.
With everything white around us, it would be even harder to find my way back to camp.
“Let’s not talk about that, all right? We’re home soon, and while Papa goes hunting, we’ll have some time to ourselves. Sound good?”
I smiled at him and nodded, and since Papa was staring ahead without any intention of looking back at us, I reached for Fen’s hand to be as close to him as possible.
He lifted my hand to his lips and kissed the back of it. “He’ll be back to normal sooner or later. Don’t worry.”
*
Papa brought back a squirrel and rabbit that night, and after we had dinner, Fennec and I decided to go to bed.
I was brushing my teeth as Fennec climbed up to the treehouse, and once I was done, I went over to Papa’s cabin to see how he was doing.
No matter how mad he was, I didn’t want him to think I was angry at him for shouting at Fen.
“Papa?” I asked as I pushed the door open.
He was sitting on his mattress and folding the clothes he wore today, and when he looked up at me, he smiled.
“Hey, sweetheart. You feeling okay?”
“Yeah, you? You seemed a little frustrated today.”
He let out a sigh, then he patted the spot next to him to tell me to sit down.
I walked over and sat next to him, letting him pull me into his arms.
“It’s all better. Fennec and I had a few arguments some time ago. Guess there were some things we never cleared between us,” he explained.
“I understand. I don’t like seeing you like this. This is supposed to be your happy place. Fennec’s and mine too.”
He caressed my back and kissed the top of my head. “It is my happy place, Vespyr. Don’t you worry about that. But before he came to live with me, things were different, you know? I was alone and didn’t have to listen to what others thought about the things I did all day long. I had no one judging me, but Fennec’s good with words. He’s smart, and sometimes he uses those words to his advantage.”
“What do you mean?”
I turned to look up at him, and after a while of him eyeing me, he cleared his throat as if he was preparing to say something he wasn’t too sure about.
“Have you ever noticed how well he deals with others? Not just us, but when he was in school with all the people around him. He’s never had trouble making friends, or being liked by teachers or even cops around town.”
“Fennec’s just a very likable person. Like Mama,” I explained.
“Ever thought about them just being very good at manipulating others to think that way? They’re very similar, but Fennec is different.”
I was trying to understand the deeper meaning of Papa’s words, but there wasn’t much conclusion being made in my head.
“Be honest with me, okay? Has he ever made you do something you didn’t want to?”
Not things I didn’t wanna do, but things I was unsure about in the beginning, like him using that knife on my skin, or me peeing in his mouth.
“No,” I replied. “Not that I remember.”
“What about eating that raw piece of liver? You didn’t seem as if you enjoyed eating it when you told us at the diner. Did you tell him no at first?” he asked.
I thought back to that evening, and quickly remembered how it went down.
I had told him no at first, even a second time, but then I gave in. “He told me it would be good for me because I was losing blood.”
“But he made you eat it. He didn’t suggest it or be okay with you saying no. He somehow managed to twist your mind so much that you believed him and did what he told you.”
“Yes, but…” I wanted to say more, but words didn’t come easy.
Papa was right, but I didn’t want him to be.
“It was just one time,” I told him quietly.
“Was it?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. But I know that he’s never made me do anything I regretted later on. Believe me, Papa.”