He nodded and then smiled at me gently, placing his hand on my cheek and kissing my forehead. “If you ever need to talk to me, let me know. I know I’ve been a bit distant lately, but I promise I’ll take you fishing and hunting in the next few days. We just need to clean up around here. Get the snow out of the way.”
“Okay. I’ll help you with that tomorrow. And you haven’t been distant. I know you like being alone,” I said, frowning at my own words. “You’re not mad at us for wanting to live here with you, are you?”
“Of course, I’m not mad, Vespyr. I love having you here, and I love watching you grow into an independent and nature-loving woman. This is where you belong, but if you one day decide to go back to Fairbanks, know that I won’t stop you.”
“Why would I wanna go back?”
“Well…your Mama probably expects you to find a man to marry someday. Have kids of your own.”
“What if that’s not what I want in life?” I asked. Just the thought of meeting a guy and having my own family without Fennec being part of it upset me.
It’s not what I was supposed to become.
A mom.
“That would be okay. But you know Mama. It was already hard for her to let you go, and if she ever finds out about you not wanting to marry and have kids, it’ll destroy her.”
“Not every woman is destined to have children and a husband. Sometimes…your own family is enough.”
“I know,” he whispered, kissing my forehead again. “You keep being so strong-willed, all right? That’s a gift not many have, and I’m proud of you for taking what you want. Still…I want you to tell me if Fennec ever tries to change your mind about something. Or if he ever makes you do things you don’t want to.”
He was insisting on it, and to make him happy, I nodded. “I will. I love you, Papa.”
“I love you too, sweetheart. Go get some sleep. I’ll see you in the morning.”
I hugged him one last time before I got up and walked out of his cabin to climb up the tree.
When I was up there, Fennec was sitting on the mattress with his back leaned against the wooden planks.
“What did he tell you?” he asked, reaching out one hand for me to take.
When I slipped mine into his, he pulled me closer and made me cuddle up to him with my head against his chest.
“Not much. We talked about the things we’re gonna do in the next few days. He wants to take me fishing and hunting too,” I explained.
“Did you talk about me?”
“No, why?”
Keeping the things Papa said to myself was my best option not to anger Fennec, and to my luck, he believed me.
“Just asking. Thought I heard you say my name.”
“Maybe it was your imagination,” I teased, looking up and grinning at him.
He laughed and cupped my jaw, then leaned in to kiss me gently. “Maybe,” he whispered.
Just one kiss made my body tingle all over, and as much as I missed Mama, I was happy to be back here where we could be alone and hidden from everyone.
Besides Papa.
But he mostly minded his own business, which made it easy for us to do all the things we should’ve never done.
30
I spent the day by the river with Papa, leaving Fennec all by himself to finish shoveling the snow around camp.
He said he was okay with it, and that we didn’t have to worry about staying away until late.
Papa still promised him that we’d be back by dinner and that we’d bring fish to eat.
We already caught five, but since they were small, we waited for more to get caught in our net or take the bait on our fishing rods.
“Good to be back in nature, huh? So calm and relaxing,” Papa sighed, leaning back against a fallen tree across the river.
I smiled at him and nodded. “It’s perfect. Maybe on our way back, we’ll come across a deer or rabbits.”
“We could use some meat to freeze and stock for the next few weeks. It’ll only get colder out here, and more snow will fall. Don’t think I’ll be in the mood to go hunt in such low temperatures.”
“I don’t mind, and Fennec surely doesn’t either,” I hinted.
“If that’s what you wanna do, I won’t stop you.”
As much as I loved spending time alone with Papa, I was already missing Fen.
I wondered what he was doing.
If he had already finished clearing up all the snow from camp, and if he was now just lying around, waiting for us to come back.
Or maybe he went hunting himself.
“Papa?”
“Yes, sweetheart?”
“Did you know about Fennec’s infertility?”
I believed him when he told me about it that night, but I wondered how much Papa actually knew about him.
“He’s infertile? No, I didn’t know that. How do you know?”
I frowned and looked down at the bucket where the fish we had already caught were in, still moving at times.
“Uh, Mama once told me,” I lied. “I thought you knew.”
Papa chuckled. “No, I didn’t. There’s not much Fennec tells me about his life. I didn’t know about his visits to that therapist either up until your Mama told me a few years back.”
“Therapist?”
How many more things were starting to unravel about Fennec?
“Yeah, some children’s therapist. Not sure why she sent him there though.”
I frowned. “Why don’t we know about these things?”
“Hell, what do I know? I left years ago. Guess she didn’t want me to worry about him. Always said he was fine when she dropped you two off for the summers.”
I was confused, somewhat mad, but mostly intrigued in finding out more about everything Mama hid from us.
“It’s none of my business anymore though. Fen’s old enough to know when he needs help, and so are you. You’ve never had any issues growing up. At least none that I know of.”
“I never had issues,” I assured him.
“That’s good. And I know if you ever have any, you’d ask for help. You’re just like me. You’re self-aware, confident, but you’re never too proud to ask for support. You’re strong. Stay that way.”
I nodded and smiled, making sure his words were burned into my brain.
“Papa?”
“Yes?”
“What are your dreams like? I mean…do they ever feel as if you’re living instead of dreaming them?”
“What, like vivid dreams?” he asked.
“Yeah.”
He shrugged. “I had some dreams I remembered vividly when I woke up the next morning. That’s most likely just your brain bringing up memories and therefore you feel as if you’re living them.”
I puckered my lips and looked back up at him. “So nothing to be worried about?”
“Of course not, sweetheart.”
That’s good to know, but that doesn’t help me remember if those dreams I had about Fennec were real or not.
*
We made our way back to camp with ten fish in total.
I was excited to show Fennec the big one I caught, and I was sure he would be proud of me for doing it all on my own.