Sociopathic.
The last two being counted as one in most cases, and were also known as ASPD.
Antisocial personality disorder.
Mrs. Irvine said I would use “mind games” to control my family and friends, but mostly Vespyr, and although people with ASPD were charming and charismatic, my personality mostly had a negative impact on myself.
There were many traits and symptoms I had that pointed at me having ASPD, such as deceiving others, lying for personal gain, being aggressive, and not feeling guilt after harming or mistreating others.
All things I couldn’t deny.
Vespyr and I talked about our mental health almost every night, and it helped us see the things we did wrong.
Well, the things I did wrong.
Vespyr didn’t know that the things I did to her weren’t okay, and we even talked about stopping what we were having.
But as sweet as she was, and with the love she felt for me, she was determined to stay with me.
I had apologized to her a million times, and those apologies came easily after Mrs. Irvine prescribed me that medication.
It kept my moods in check, and those episodes of depression didn’t occur as often as they used to.
The medication also helped with the voices in my head.
They didn’t talk to me anymore, and although they helped me not feel lonely at times, I was feeling much better without them.
I had Vespyr, and she’s all I cared about.
We talked about everything, tried to help each other and figure out ways to never fall back into the darkness.
Vespyr had it much easier, but there was still something I had to tell her.
Something I should’ve been honest about a long time ago, but I felt today was the right time.
With Papa back in the wilderness, Vespyr and I spent most of our days at home while Mama went to work.
Papa’s ankle had healed nicely, and before he got into Jason’s truck, he told us that he was sorry.
It seemed he had realized that no matter how immoral it was what Vespyr and I had, that there was no way he could tear us apart.
He started to mind his own business, and it was clear that being alone in the forest was where he wanted to be.
Without us.
He was meant to be alone.
Mama still cared, and often tried to talk to us about the issues our relationship could cause in our society, but how could we cause problems when it was no one else’s business?
They didn’t have to know.
It was late in the afternoon, and Mama would be coming home from work soon.
I walked out of my bedroom to find Vespyr standing in the kitchen, drinking a glass of water.
“Vespyr?”
She turned and set the glass down, then smiled at me.
“Yes?”
“Wanna come talk to me for a moment? There’s something important I need to tell you,” I said, keeping my voice calm.
It was easy being around her.
She made me feel safe and down to earth, but what mattered the most was how she made me feel loved.
“Of course. Is everything okay?” She walked over to me and grabbed my hand, then she tilted her head to try and figure out what this was all about.
“Yes, everything’s okay. There’s something I need to get off my chest though.”
She nodded and leaned in to kiss my cheek, but I turned my head so her lips landed on mine.
Cupping the side of her face, I kept her close and kissed her passionately before breaking the kiss again to look at her.
“Come on,” I whispered.
We walked into my bedroom and I closed the door so Mama wouldn’t hear us talk if she were to come home early.
“Did you finish the letter Mrs. Irvine asked you to write?” she asked as we sat down on my bed.
“I finished it last night when you fell asleep. You?”
“I finished it yesterday too,” she stated.
Mrs. Irvine made us both write a letter. One we would keep to ourselves, no matter how much we wanted the other to read it.
We poured our heart and soul into that letter, and on our last visit tomorrow, we’d read it one last time before ripping it apart and burning it.
It was Mrs. Irvine’s idea, and Ves and I did what she suggested.
“What is it you wanted to tell me?” she asked, her hand still in mine.
I watched as her fingers played with mine, never able to keep still when she was feeling unsure.
“You have nothing to worry about, okay? I know I should’ve been honest back then, but I didn’t wanna lose you. Or upset you.”
I paused, waiting for the right words to appear on my mind.
Vespyr was patiently waiting for me to speak, and when I finally looked at her, she smiled to encourage me.
“Remember how Mrs. Irvine talked to you about interpreting reality abnormally? And how you said those dreams started when you were younger, but got more intense the older you got?”
She nodded at me, her eyes narrowing before tilting her head. “They stopped now,” she pointed out.
“I know. Though, those nights you had those dreams about me when you first came to the forest…”
I stopped, and after a while of silence, she looked back down at our hands, her fingers still interlocked with mine.
“You mean the fever dreams I had.”
“Yeah, those,” I sighed, biting my bottom lip before saying what’s been bothering me all this time. “Those weren’t dreams, Vespyr.”
I let that sink in, but it didn’t take her long to respond.
“I know. I mean, I figured they weren’t. They felt far too real,” she said, her voice soft.
“You’re not mad at me for making you believe that they were? What I did to you during those nights wasn’t okay.”
“No, it wasn’t. I know that even if I was aware of it, I would’ve let you continue,” she told me, her words determined.
I wasn’t sure she realized how wrong it was for me to use her that way, but before I could ask her about it, she spoke again.
“Everything you’ve ever made me feel were things I wanted to feel. I would’ve stopped you otherwise. I knew I wanted the things you did to me. They made me feel alive, and they showed me how much I loved you then. You’re not the bad guy here, Fennec, but if you were, I’d be just as bad as you.”
Her words were honest and true, but it took me a moment to accept them.
To me, I was the one turning her into the person she was now.
“Please don’t bring yourself down,” she whispered, cupping my cheek with her hand while keeping the other in mine. “We’re healing, and although the past shaped us, I want us to look ahead.”
I nodded, keeping my eyes on her as an overwhelming emotion came over me.
“I don’t deserve your love, but I’m too damn selfish to ever let you go.”
“Then don’t,” she said, smiling softly. “Because I’ll be just as selfish when it comes to you, Fen.”
*
“Not sure Papa’s gonna agree to that,” Mama said after I told her about the idea I had after dinner.
Her behavior toward us had changed slightly, and her passive aggressiveness was something we’d gotten used to over the past weeks.
Seeing as she couldn’t break Vespyr and me up, she had to accept it and move on with her life.
She could’ve easily kicked us out, but that would’ve caused more issues, seeing as this town quickly found out whenever a family had shit to deal with.