My body tensed as she talked about her fever dreams.
“I didn’t know they bothered you so much,” I said quietly.
“They didn’t bother me. But they made me feel strange. Maybe if Mrs. Irvine hears about them, I can try to understand why they felt so real.”
“You know you’d have to explain those dreams. Be specific about them, and I’m not sure you wanna tell her about the things I did to you in those dreams.”
Vespyr was silent for a moment, then she shrugged again and pulled the covers up to her chin. “I think it would help. I just want answers. To know why those dreams were so vivid.”
“So what are you saying, sweet girl?”
“I’m saying that…I’m going to talk to Mrs. Irvine tomorrow. And I think you should do the same.”
She turned her head to look at me, and after searching her face, I nodded. “I’m going because you want me to. And because I don’t think Mama and Papa will let go of this if we don’t go.”
“They’re still not gonna be happy about us, Fennec. They don’t want us to be together.”
Her voice was shaking as she said that, and I hated seeing how much Mama’s harsh words affected her.
I placed my hand on her cheek and brushed along her skin with my thumb, waiting for the right words to come to mind.
“That’s gonna be their issue, not ours. I love you, and I’m not gonna let go of you because others think differently. It’s our life, Vespyr. I’m not gonna let them tell me what’s right or wrong. You’re my future.”
Her eyes widened with surprise, and I wondered if she had ever pictured me in her future.
When a smile spread across her lips, it was clear that she had. “You’re my future too, Fen.”
I smiled back, cupping her face with both my hands now and pulling her closer to kiss her.
I would fight for her.
For us.
“I love you,” I whispered against her lips, and without needing an answer, I deepened the kiss and licked along her bottom lip.
Her mouth parted to let me in, and with her straddling my hips now, I cupped the back of her head and put my other arm around her back.
Maybe everything that had happened in the past forty-eight hours had to happen, and as long as I had her close, there was no reason for me to worry.
40
It wasn’t necessary for Fennec or me to say a word the next morning.
We got up, showered, got dressed, had breakfast with Mama and Papa, and then let Mama take us to Mrs. Irvine’s private practice.
Neither of us said a word as we got out of the car and entered the building, and when we reached the front desk, Mama let out a relieved sigh.
“Hello, both my kids have an appointment. Vespyr at one and Fennec at two,” she told the lady, and she quickly checked for our names on her computer.
“I need them to fill out this form before Mrs. Irvine sees them. You can go sit in the waiting room. Just bring back both forms before seeing Mrs. Irvine,” she said, handing us two clipboards with pens.
“Thank you,” I said, grabbing both and handing one to Fennec.
We walked over to the waiting room and sat down, then I started to fill out my form just like Fennec.
I was nervous, whereas he didn’t seem bothered to be here at all.
He told me not to talk about things I didn’t feel comfortable with, but seeing as Mrs. Irvine’s a psychiatrist, she had to keep the things her patient told her to herself.
Besides…I wanted to come here to know why those dreams occurred, and telling her all the small details about them was the best way of getting a legit answer.
“Do you need help with something?” Mama whispered, leaning over to look at my form.
“No. I’m all done,” I told her, then I got up to bring it back to the lady at the front desk.
Fennec followed me, and once we rounded the corner, he stopped me with a hand on my wrist.
“Remember what I told you, all right? It’ll be okay, and once we’re done here, we’ll leave. Together.”
We had talked about this too.
Fennec wanted to leave Fairbanks and go live somewhere far away from home.
I didn’t know how that would work without having to find a job, and without our own land, there was no way we could start a new life in the wilderness.
We’d have to think about that before packing up and leaving without an actual plan.
I nodded, looking down at the clipboard. “It’s scary opening up to strangers,” I whispered before looking back up at him.
“I know. But you’ll be fine. It’s just one hour, and if you don’t feel like talking anymore, tell her you’re done. She can’t make you sit there.”
His hand came up to cup the back of my head, and after a quick but gentle kiss to my forehead, he nodded toward the front desk.
“Come on.”
We set the clipboards down and walked back to the waiting room, and just as I was about to sit down in my chair, Mrs. Irvine appeared in the doorway.
“Good to see you again, Alena. How have you been?” she asked Mama, giving Fennec and me a quick smile.
“I’m good, thanks. This is Vespyr, and that’s Fennec. They were excited to come today.”
Liar.
“That’s good to hear. Vespyr, you’re first, hm? You can come with me. I have a very comfortable couch for you to sit on and if you’d like, you can have something to drink and snack on.”
As appealing as she made that sound, I couldn’t help but roll my eyes as I turned to look at Fennec.
A smug grin tugged at his lips, then he encouraged me to follow Mrs. Irvine with a nod.
“Are you two going to wait in here? There are newspapers and magazines, and there’s a vending machine by the entrance too.”
“Thank you, Darla,” Mama said.
Them knowing each other didn’t seem like it would help Mrs. Irvine keep secret what Fennec and I would say to her, but at this point, there was nothing to hide from her anyway.
I looked at Fennec once more before following Mrs. Irvine into the room where I would have to talk to her.
It was a fairly large room with big windows letting in enough sunlight.
When she closed the door, she hinted for me to sit down.
I had two options.
Either a chair or a couch.
Both looked comfortable, and since I didn’t want to be one of the cliché patients that laid on the couch while talking to a psychiatrist, I chose to sit down on the chair.
“Would you like some water?”
“No, thank you.”
I had my coat still on, and the sleeves were still a little wet from the snow falling on it, but I didn’t want to take it off.
The room felt cold, and I needed something to stay cozy and comfortable with.
“So, Vespyr. I’d like to know about you. Why don’t you start telling me about your childhood?”
And so it began.
Every single thing I told her, interesting or not, she wanted to know more about.
Not sure how that helped her figure out if there was something wrong with me, and we hadn’t started to talk about those dreams until I mentioned them thirty minutes into our conversation.
To me, it seemed as if I could’ve just asked Google what was wrong with me.