Two days ago, I started my seventh month. It was also the day Layla gave birth to her and Pipe’s baby boy, Liam. As soon as she went into labor, Pipe called everyone and like any family, we all rushed to the hospital. Seeing Pipe and Layla so over the moon did nothing to help my failing mind. My maker reminded me Blackie wouldn’t walk out of the delivery room to a room full of waiting people and announce our daughter’s arrival. He wouldn’t hold my hand or cut the umbilical cord. No one would pass out cigars with him or gush with us over how perfect she was.
I had to leave the hospital and since then, I’ve been trying not to dwell on it. Especially because today is about Blackie and the progress he’s made. It’s about making amends and moving forward. It’s about the future.
I just hope my maker lets me be a part of it.
“Thank you all for coming today to support Dominic,” Sunny says, forcing me back to the moment.
“Dominic? Lady, we’re here for Blackie,” Riggs replies, nudging my father. “Did they lose him or something? Tell me we didn’t drive up here to be a bunch of posers and that they’re going to give us the right addict.”
“Let me guess,” Sunny says, touching a finger to her lips. “You’re Riggs, aren’t you?”
“How do you know my name?”
“Aside from the fact you’re wearing a name badge, Dominic has told me a lot about you.”
“Again, with this Dominic guy,” he mutters. “Do we know him? Is he a fan?”
“She’s talking about Blackie you asshole,” Wolf growls, slapping him upside the head before looking at my father. “I told you we shouldn’t have brought him.”
“And I told you Blackie requested he be here,” my father grunts.
“Can we just get on with it?” I ask.
That shuts everyone up and I can feel their eyes move to me.
They know.
They see the cracks in my armor.
“Before we go inside and Dominic makes his amends with each of you, it’s important for you all to understand the process. Each of you are here because he recognizes he’s wronged you in one way, shape or form. An apology is crucial in making amends, but it is simply not enough to undo the irreversible pain one’s addiction may have caused. For Dominic making amends is a step in working to restore goodwill to his relationships. While he has spent the last several months evaluating the extent of his wrongdoings, it is imperative that you’re open and honest with him. If you feel he’s missed something, now is the time to tell him. Make him understand the severity of his actions and the pain he’s caused you. Don’t be afraid to express yourself. Dominic knows reconciliation works only if both parties are truthful. You won’t break him,” she pauses to glance at each of us. “Does anyone have any questions?”
What if I’m the one that breaks?
“I have one,” Reina says, holding up her hand. “In the past, Blackie has blamed himself for things that were out of his control. If he apologizes for them, do we correct him?”
“Part of what we do here is help our patients determine what their faults are and early on in his recovery, I noticed he had a very big problem differentiating sins from circumstances. He was quick to blame himself for things he had nothing to do with. Now, he’s realizing not everything is his fault and I don’t think he’ll try to make amends for things he knows he didn’t have a hand in doing.”
Reina nods in response and Sunny asks if anyone else has anything else they’d like to ask. When no one replies, she stands and exits the room. Five minutes later, she returns with Blackie at her side. He greets me first, hugging me just as he did the last time, I visited…like hugging me is as crucial as air. We finally pull apart and he acknowledges everyone individually.
I grow anxious once everyone is seated. My heart starts to race, and my head starts to feel crowded. There is no room for common sense or logic. My maker is filling all the space with her wicked ways. Still, I try to focus. I ignore the noise and stare at my husband. There is a brief pause after Sunny gives him the green light to begin where he seemingly looks around the room trying to decide who he should be making amends with first. His gaze finally lands on Riggs.
“Riggs,” he starts, drawing in a breath.
“Dominic,” Riggs says, turning to Sunny. “I’m supposed to call him that, right?”
“You can call him whatever you like.”
“In that case,” he begins, looking back towards Blackie. “…whatcha got for me, motherfucker?”
Blackie’s lips quirk slightly as he leans his elbows on his knees. Riggs takes his sunglasses off and looks him in the eye.
“Over the years, I’ve put you in several situations where you’ve had to leave not only your woman but your children too, just to clean up after me. I’ve compromised your freedom, asked you to lie and at times I even asked you to risk your life to save my ass and cover my tracks. I took advantage of our friendship. Of our brotherhood. That day you came looking for me and found me in the cemetery, I knew you were angry and not just because you punched me. I saw it in your eyes. I heard it in your every word. I let you down and for all of that, I’m sorry. I can’t change what I’ve done. I can only tell you that your friendship means a lot to me and I don’t take you for granted. Making amends with you means living to prove how much I value you in my life.”
“Shit,” Riggs mutters as he slides his sunglasses back on. “That’s heavy,” he adds, blowing out a breath. In all the years I’ve known Riggs, I can count on one hand how many times he’s showed any kind of emotion.
“You’re right, I was mad at you. I hated that your wife called me to go looking for you. Not because it was a bother but because I never wanted to be the guy who tells her that you relapsed. Man, I’ve been invested in you guys since the beginning, I’m waiting for the happily ever after just like everyone else.”
What if there is no happily ever after?
“Maybe you won’t have to wait so long,” Blackie replies, his voice full of hope as he glances at me. Jealousy rears its ugly head again and I wish for just one second, I had a shred of the hope he possesses. Riggs and Blackie hug it out before my husband turns his attention to Wolf.
I was kind of surprised he asked Wolf to be present for the amends process but when he apologizes for dropping the gun while being drunk, I get it. He put the club in a bad situation and ultimately as the new president of the Satan’s Knights, the heat fell on Wolf. He also tells him he’s sorry for not being the man the club trusted to lead in my father’s absence and vows, going forward, he will do his best to make the club proud to call him a brother. Wolf accepts his apology and hands him a sobriety patch for his kutte.
Before he moves onto Reina, Blackie reaches into his back pocket and hands Wolf an envelope.
“I know he can’t be here today because of the baby, but can you make sure Pipe gets this?”
Taking it from him, Wolf nods and slides the note into the inside pocket of his kutte.
“He’ll be the first stop I make on my way home, brother.”
Blackie nods his head in appreciation and turns to Reina. Before he can say a word to her, she starts to cry. Taking her hands in his, he makes his amends and apologizes for not being the role model he swore he’d be to Danny and swears from this day forward he will be someone her son can look up to.