But the next words that came out of her mouth would change my life forever. No amount of decorum or stoic blank faces could’ve helped me in this situation. “Because my father wanted me to abort my baby.”
Baby. “Baby?” I asked, puzzled as my heart started to thump heavy in my chest. The world seemed to shift. The air grew thick.
Her gaze never left mine, and it felt as though she was trying to get inside my head and figure out what I was thinking. Me? I didn’t even know what I was thinking. “That night we had together, Micah, we made a little girl.”
My world stopped for a moment and tipped on its axis, spinning so out of control it threatened to explode. My damn stomach never got butterflies, but fuck if I didn’t feel them now.
Baby.
A child.
We had a child?
“What?” She held onto my hands this time as if I was going to run away and leave, but I was too rooted to the spot to even think of going anywhere.
Nothing would get me to leave at this point. There were too many unanswered questions. My chest got so damn tight. A tiny human was mine?
Really?
Looking to her car, in the backseat was a baby seat as all the pieces of my life started falling. Everything I thought I knew seemed to change in the blink of an eye. Fucking hell.
Ensley looked at me with such hope in her eyes. Hope that I’d believe her? Hope that I’d want to be part of my child’s life? Hope I wouldn’t screw her life up? Hell, I didn’t know at this point.
And here I thought making amends with the Ravage MC was going to be a heavy load to carry.
She hesitated momentarily, biting her lip before repeating herself. “You have a daughter, Micah. Her name is Remy.” I was pretty sure she’d have to tell me this about a million more times before I could wrap my head around it.
The news rocked me to my core.
I pulled away from her and got up from the table, running hands through my short hair. A kid. I had a damn kid. A living breathing human being with my DNA. How was that even possible? We used protection. That I was for certain because never had I’d gone ungloved.
Mentally, I needed to process this news. Fuck, I was trained to handle any situation, but they didn’t teach this shit.
Confused, worried, scared, happy…. Hell, I didn’t know how I was feeling.
Visions of a baby crying, poopy diapers, and vomit pelted me like rocks. I misheard her. I had to; there was no way I had a kid. Was there?
I turned to her. “I have a daughter?” I asked to clarify that my ears were not deceiving me. That someone wasn’t going to jump out and yell ‘you’re punked’ because it would be one hell of a prank, that was for damn sure. But that didn’t happen. No clowns with banners saying ‘gotcha’ or whatever the fuck.
“Yes. She’s the love of my life.” I could feel those words down to the marrow in my bones. She meant each and every word.
My feet moved on their own accord, and I found myself pacing in front of the picnic table, head down and mind reeling from this news. My mind needed time to process. I needed a cigarette, a shot of something strong. Hell even a bag to punch. Something to let out whatever this was swirling inside of me.
A child. We’d created a baby. Shocked and stunned, it took me a few beats before I could gather my thoughts, and even then, I wasn’t sure if anything I said would make sense.
“Were you ever going to tell me?” Why this question was so pertinent, I didn’t have time to evaluate, but it was the first one that popped in my head. I fought back the bitter feeling inside of me that I could have spent my entire life without ever knowing I had a precious little one. This wasn’t about what could have been but rather the here and now.
“No,” she said with brutal honesty as I stood in front of her, my hand in the pockets of my jeans. “I had no way of getting ahold of you and didn’t even know your last name, Micah, until Ryker told me. I didn’t know where you were from, where you were stationed, where you were training. Nothing. I was blind when it came to you.”
This was understandable. We didn’t exchange much information during our time together. Now looking back, I regretted not telling her at least my name. She could’ve found me. What the hell was I thinking? Not that she’d get pregnant, but fuck me she could’ve found me if I would’ve spoken up. “How old is she?”
“Two, almost two and a half.”
My heart began pounding just a bit faster. Two was still little. Not a baby, but not very big either. “I have a two-year-old little girl?” Damn, I felt like a bumbling idiot trying to process all of this.
“Yeah.” Her voice was quiet, and I looked at her. Fear, bright and bold, shone from her eyes, and I hated that she felt that from me.
The pieces started to fall in place of this crazy ass puzzle my life had become in the last few minutes. “And that’s why you ran from me? Because of her?”
She nodded.
“Fuck.” This shit was getting thicker and thicker. Soon it would be quicksand and suck us both down. “Does she know anything about me?”
Her throat moved like she swallowed hard, giving me the answer without the words. She gave them anyway. “No. I’ve never told her. She doesn’t know that Tug and Blaze are her grandparents either. I just found both of these things out myself. I had no pictures of you to show Remy. We just never talked about dads, and she’s still young enough to not ask questions.”
Fuck. My mom and dad were going to flip. And why the hell did it hurt like a knife to the heart that my kid didn’t even know I existed? I wanted to know my child. And more importantly, I wanted her to know me.
The next question came out a bit choked as I tried to push down the emotions as I thought of my parents and how they’d take this news. “Do they know Remy?”
Ensley nodded as she replied, “Yeah, Remy’s known them since she was born. They’ve watched Remy a few times when Katie and I both worked at the same time and needed someone to watch her. They stepped in, no questions asked, and Remy loves them.”
While part of me felt really good about my parents being part of her life, the other part was angry they missed treating her like their grandbaby.
“Shit. They’ve watched their grandkid and didn’t even know it.” I couldn’t believe any of this was happening. I’d prided myself on keeping my cool, but fuck me it was hard. “Ryker knows all about it?”
“Yeah.”
I ran my hands over my scalp, stopping at the back of my neck and looking up at the tree swaying in the soft breeze. “Shit. That means he told the brothers and my father.” They all knew by now, and it would be up to me to get to my mother first. If she heard from anyone but me, she’d be hurt, and fuck if I hadn’t done enough to cause her pain over the years. I didn’t want any more on my conscience.
Ensley’s back straightened. It was like this instant snap. One moment she was soft, and the next moment she was hard as nails. “You don’t have to have anything to do with her, Micah. Remy is mine. All mine, and I’ll take care of her.”
What she said made that thing in my gut tighten, and I moved to stand tall in front of her, so she had to look up at me. She read me wrong. “No. That’s not what I meant at all. What I should’ve said was that my father knew before I could tell him. It’s just something I would’ve liked to talk to him and my mother about. And I know if he knows, he’s told my mom. It’s not you or Remy. I would like to be the one to tell them, and that opportunity may be completely dashed. Me, I want to meet her. Get to know her.”