Walker picks me up, carrying me into the tiny beach cottage that’s existed on the outskirts of my family property for generations.
Our hands and mouths are everywhere, never stopping to even let half a breath in. The heat between us is blistering, and I can’t strip down or strip him down fast enough. With every undressing, there is a sighed I love you. With every touch in a new place, there is a groaned I missed you.
When our bodies finally fit together and I moan on a sigh, the feeling is so perfect.
“I’ve missed you,” he says.
“I love you,” I respond.
Walker moves over me, slow and steady but with so much careful caressing. We stare into each other’s eyes; the connection going soul, skin, and psyche deep. He makes love to me, in a way I never even knew was possible. This isn’t sex, it’s something else. It’s talking and breathing and communicating without making one single sound.
We’re so close together, our faces inches apart as well as every other limb, and his palms are pressed to my cheeks as mine are to his. We orgasm together, falling over the cliff in pants and desperate sighs in tandem.
After that, we lull in a half-daze, listening to the sounds of the ocean as the world awakens. Quiet falls over the tiny hut, with the bed right there in the middle of the only room. Walker’s hands move up and down my back in gentle circles, and I trace the lines of his abs with a fingertip.
“I love you,” he whispers, breaking the silence.
And then, we talk. We talk about everything that has happened the last three months. About his brother and the recovery, about my divorce and where Shane is. About how the girls are doing and my going back to school. About our fears and what I’m afraid of falling into again.
“When Sinclair was in the coma, it felt like my world was ending. I was back in that hospital room with you all over again, and there was nothing I could do to protect another person I love. It just … it shook me to my core. I kept thinking how the hell am I ever going to cope if this happens to Hannah again? Or Noelle or Breanna? My system went into self-preservation mode, instead of manning up and having the courage to face those fears. I’m ashamed of that, but it was paralyzing, the doubt and worry. I hate that I hurt you. I hate that, even before that, you were hurt so badly and I didn’t step in. Sometimes, I feel like I’ve wasted so much time when it comes to us.”
I run my hands over his buzz cut, down his sideburns and to the scruff dotting his cheeks and jaws. Walker’s eyes flutter closed and then open.
When I speak, his fingers linger over my lips, seeming to trace my words. “There are days when the weight of all that gets to me, too. Where I feel like I can’t breathe because of all the time I spent under Shane’s abuse. I went years enduring that, being too weak-willed to stand up for myself and make a change. The girls spent so many years in a broken home. And when it comes to us, I always felt the spark. I was embarrassed of that, feeling something for a man who wasn’t my husband. That dinner, in Charlotte, I think about it a lot. What if I had just gone for it? What if we hadn’t wasted all this time? But we can’t live like that. We chose our paths, and in the end, they led us here. We’re both wiser, know what we deserve, and can fall in love with eyes open. And I do, Walker. I love you so much. I’m done trying to fight that, or let fear get the best of me. I’m not spending any more breaths on things that go bump in the night. My choice is the light. My choice is you.”
“Marry me.”
Walker buries a hand in my hair, and his words wash over me.
“Wait, what?” I sit up, our naked bodies tangled up in each other in the warm comfort of this bed.
“I want to marry you. I want you to marry me. Be my wife, spend the rest of your life with me.” He’s dead serious, and I feel like I’ve just brought a giant to its knees.
This man, this caring, charming, devastating, determined man is offering his heart up to me.
“This is crazy. Insane. We’ve barely been together. Heck, we only made up, what? An hour ago? I’m not even technically divorced!”
Hysteria should be taking control in my brain, but my heart rate doesn’t increase, there are no sweaty palms. There is only calm. It’s just my own words that are demonstrating a freak out. Which is how I know … I’m about to say yes to spending the rest of my life with the man who rescued me from the dark.
“I don’t care. I’ve waited too many years, watched you with yearning too many times, to not make it known here and now; I love you, Hannah. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to marry you the instant I’m allowed to, and I want to keep loving you until we’re old and gray. I’ve spent a long time doing it from a distance, wishing my life was in a different place. I don’t want to waste any more time. Be with me, Hannah. Let me love you the way you truly deserve. I promise, my number one goal from here on out will be to put a smile on your face every day.”
I’ve spent a very long time keeping silent and running from strength. Of letting someone else control my decisions and steal my happiness. Marrying Walker would seem like a jump from one man to another, of not being strong enough to walk through life alone. But it’s the exact opposite. I choose Walker. I choose love. That’s the bravest decision I could ever make, considering how I’ve been burned. To let my heart love again, while also being able to stand on my own two feet? That is courage.
“Okay,” I whisper. “Yes.”
He closes the space between us, the kiss so gentle and almost disbelieving. My tongue melts into his, and in seconds, he’s hard against my thigh. I’m pressing into him, our bodies moving like the ocean waves crashing into each other just down the path.
But I break off, knowing I need to say one more thing. “With one exception.”
“Anything.” Walker blinks those blue eyes at me.
“The girls, they have to be number one, too. It’s not just me in this, Walker. They’ve been through so much in their short lives, and they deserve every happiness. We’ll take this as slowly as they’re comfortable with. Because you will be their father figure. That might be scary to you, but well, I mean it to be, I guess. They are my world. They’ll have to be yours, too.”
He takes my hands in his, gripping our palms together. “I know that, and they will be. Their happiness will be right on par with yours when it comes to priorities. They deserve so much, and I can’t wait to give it to them. I can’t wait to watch them grow, for them to yell at me about being embarrassing and come to me when a stupid boy, or girl, first breaks their heart. I would never assume that they didn’t come with this, full stop. I love you, but I also love them. Not because I want to be with you, but because they’re precious all on their own.”
I feel the tears leaking down my cheeks and taste them as our mouths meet.
Then I spend the rest of the dawn hours making love to the man who I’m going to love for the rest of my life.
36
Hannah
A month after we get back from Hawaii, I walk into the Pistons’ family suite for the first time in almost eight months.
It feels strange, returning to the scene of the crime. When I parked in the stadium lot, so close to where my car had been the night that Shane sent me to the hospital, it feels … surreal.