“You’re gorgeous.”
He said it like it was nothing.
He said it like calling me gorgeous wasn’t wrong. For fuck’s sake, his girlfriend was my best friend. Somewhere in the handbook, there had to be a rule about being called gorgeous by your best friend’s boyfriend.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, deciding to ignore his earlier statement.
“We came to see Nick,” he said, almost dismissively.
“I mean in my room.”
He gave me one of his sexy smirks, and I had to remind myself he was Gigi’s. But a part of me whispered that he could have been mine.
“Am I not allowed to see my wife?”
My belly dipped. But I didn’t let it show; instead, I rolled my eyes.
“It’s a stupid project, Gav.”
His gray eyes flashed, piercing me. “You haven’t called me that in a long time, Scar.”
Scar and Gav.
Something we were not.
Something we never could be.
Scar and Gav, two halves that would never make a whole.
“Why are you here?” I repeated.
“I was…” He cleared his throat. “Gigi and I were worried about you when you didn’t show last night.”
I swallowed, wondering if he was lying to me. Gigi hadn’t texted me since yesterday afternoon. I didn’t know how worried she was.
“Dylan and I decided to spend some time alone.” Sure I made it sound suggestive, but he didn’t need to know Dylan was gay and that Audrey had been with us.
“Like a date?” he asked.
His eyes were roaming down my body, and it was wrong. I knew we should go out with everyone else, but in stolen moments like this, for seconds at a time, I could pretend he was mine.
“Sure,” I mumbled. “Now out.”
Gavin got up, and I went and opened the door for him. He was passing by when he stopped right next to me. I felt him, and I smelled him, and I wanted to get lost in him. He leaned down, and I closed my eyes. Three kisses, three seconds, and I wasn’t sure I was ready for more.
His mouth was by my ear shell, and I felt his lips moving against my sensitive skin. “Dylan is gay. Unless you grew a dick, I don’t think he’d get what he needs from you.”
Fuck me.
When I opened my eyes, he was chuckling and making his way down the hallway.
I was going to kill Dylan. I was supposed to be the only one who knew. If shit came to a head, I was supposed to be his beard. The only person I was mildly interested in fooling knew Dylan was not into me like that.
Just my fucking luck.
I slammed my door and changed quickly, but I stayed in my room for a lot longer. When I came outside, my brother was coming back from the store.
“Okay, boys, what do you have for me?” Nick asked with excitement.
My brother loved the game differently than Gavin did. Nick loved plays: making them and watching them being executed. He played in high school, but his passion was in teaching it.
Having the guys in my living room felt like old times when my parents were alive. My mother would start cooking, Gigi and I would be gossiping nearby. Crazy how life can pull the rug under you.
I sat there watching them until all their talk bored me, and I fell back asleep. A hand caressing my cheek woke me. Gavin stood there in my living room, looking down at me.
I didn’t say anything, scared that I might be dreaming and I would ruin it.
“It was supposed to be you,” he whispered.
Before I could rationalize what he said, he grabbed his backpack and left. My heart was beating fast and wild.
What was supposed to be me?
Jordan came out with a half-eaten sandwich. “Where’s Gav?”
I pointed to the door.
“Fucker’s my ride home. Later, Scar.”
Gav and Scar. We were two halves that would never make a whole.
If things were awkward between Gavin and me, it didn’t show. He didn’t go to school on Monday, and when he came back on Tuesday, he acted like I was just someone random person sitting in front of him.
Our group project was uncomfortable, to say the least. I wondered why he’d said what he did, and he acted like he’d never dropped a bomb on me. At the end of the day, it wasn’t like I could say a thing.
He was my best friend’s boyfriend, and I was nothing of concern to him.
Eight
Winter
The rest of the semester passed rather quickly. A part of me was glad, but the part of me that was selfish hated it. It meant that my time alone with Gavin was coming to an end once the semester ended.
Gavin wasn’t the only one who pulled away. My best friend was more distant than ever. She drank more, hung out with her cheer squad, and if I stayed home and didn’t go to a party, she went without me.
Winter had come, and even though it wasn’t the first one without my parents, this one felt worse.
Last winter, I was still in shock. I was numbed to feeling because the pain was unbearable, and I glossed over the holidays.
This time I was wide-awake, and I saw everything that went around me. Holidays and grieving went hand in hand. A time of joy and cheer could feel so lonely when you had no one near.
I looked up from my homework and examined the cafeteria. I sat alone while everyone else was in groups. Dylan and Audrey were out sick, and until now, I never realized that other than Gigi, they were the only people I hung out with.
When I noticed Gigi walking through the doors, I sat up straighter. Relief washed through me. She didn’t have lunch with me, but she was my best friend, and I didn’t care that she felt distant; she was there for me when it mattered. When my parents’ funeral rolled around, Gigi lost it as much as I did. She’d stood by my side and cried with me.
“I’m so sorry, Scar. I’m so sorry.” Her pain had felt like it was my own, her voice breaking in agony—for me.
“Gigi.” I smiled at her as she got near me.
It had been so long since she ditched a class to see me.
Gigi turned to look at me, and she smiled. “Oh, Scar, hey, I forgot you had this lunch period.”
The smile I was sporting faded.
“Oh…I thought you came here to keep me company.” I waved my hand in the air, feeling like an idiot.
“I’ll be back. I just have to talk to Becca. She needs to tell me something,” Gigi explained.
I wanted to tell her that I needed her too. I needed her more than she could know.
“It’s cool,” I managed to say.
Gigi stood there, and for the first time in a long time, we were awkward.
“I’m allowed to have other friends, you know,” she said.
Ouch. Okay, yeah, that hurt. A lot.
“Just because you don’t socialize doesn’t mean I shouldn’t. I love you, Scarlett, but you’ve changed.”
No shit. My parents fucking died.
I didn’t say anything. Instead, I watched my best friend go.
After lunch, I went home. I couldn’t take it anymore. It was all too much—the constant pain, and the loneliness. Watching everyone go on with their lives while I stood back and observed them. I was so distraught that I didn’t notice Nick’s car was home. Fuck me; he would not be happy.
As soon as I walked through the door, he came out of his room. “What the hell, Scar? You’re supposed to be in school.”