“I’m not feeling well,” I replied in a monotone voice.
I was starting not to care.
My brother cursed, and then he walked up to me and hugged me so tight it was a miracle I could still breathe.
“You’re not doing this again; you’re not putting me through that anymore,” Nick ground out. “It’s not your fault Mom and Dad are gone.”
But it was my fault. I was the one who went with Gigi to that party. I was the one who got drunk and couldn’t find Gigi, so I called my mom to pick me up. I was the reason they were dead. If it weren’t for me, they would still be alive. I got drunk, and I killed them.
I held on tighter to Nick, and I sobbed because, at that moment, I just felt too much. My brother soothed me. He rubbed my back, combed his fingers through my hair, and told me everything would be okay. It was a lie. I didn’t know how he could stand to look at me when I couldn’t do the same.
A day away from school was just what I needed to feel semi-better. Too bad for me, I’d caught whatever bug Dylan and Audrey had. I was lying on the couch, wrapped in a blanket, when there was a knock on my door.
Thinking it was someone selling something, I didn’t bother to get up. The knock came again, and for a second, I got scared. Nick was at work and my friends were at school.
“Open the door, Scarlett,” Gavin’s voice boomed through the walls.
With shaky feet, I made my way to the door. I looked down at myself. I was wearing black sweatpants and a white long sleeved-shirt. I looked like death.
Then, I cursed myself. He had a girlfriend. Still, I opened the door. It didn’t matter how many times I told myself Gavin was Gigi’s. In my mind, he was also mine.
And that was dangerous.
“You look like shit, Davis,” he stated from where he stood. His cheeks looked rosy from the cold wind and his lips were redder than normal.
“What are you doing here?” I managed to say, my voice coming out scratchy.
Gavin stared at me for a few seconds without saying anything. His gaze was taking me in. His eyes traveled from the top of my head to my fuzzy socks.
“You haven’t been to school, and our project is due Friday,” he said.
Right. It was hard to work on a project when you barely talked to your partner. When Mr. Reeves gave us class time, we sat across from each other, ignoring one another.
Stepping aside, I motioned for him to come in. As he got settled by removing his jacket and getting his paperwork ready, I went to my room to get mine. Before I went out of my room, it hit me that I was alone with Gavin for the first time in years.
He was Gigi’s boyfriend, except that excuse wasn’t working. Not when my best friend was starting to feel like someone I used to know.
When I walked into the living room, Gavin was already on the floor, his paperwork spread out all over the place. Looking at him when no one was around, when no one was looking at what I was doing, it hit me how incredibly handsome he was. As if he felt my stare, he looked up at me, those dark eyes not giving anything away.
“We going to get to work or what?” he rasped.
Shaking my head, I sunk to the floor across from him.
“Do you need anything to drink? To eat? If you want to use the bathr—”
He cut me off. “I know where everything is.”
Right, he did.
We sat in silence as we both worked on our marriage project. I had a feeling we weren’t going to do as good as I had initially hoped. About a half hour passed when I started to have a cough attack. I hated being sick. I could deal with sneezing, even chills, but coughing, I loathed with a passion.
“Here.” Gavin was right in front of me with a bottled water.
As I drank, his hand came to my forehead, and I froze. It was like I was twelve again, and I waited for him to kiss me. Our eyes clashed, and I could see the moment he stopped breathing because there was no rise to his chest.
“You don’t seem hot. Have you eaten?”
“No,” I said.
Gav sat up and went to my kitchen. He started moving stuff around, then came back, looking angry.
“Jesus, you have nothing to eat, Scar,” he growled right before he grabbed his coat and walked out of my condo, slamming the door on the way out.
I wasn’t feeling too good, so I didn’t have it in me to care. I pulled my blanket from the sofa where I had left it and laid on the floor. I just needed to close my eyes for a second before I continued to work. Gavin might not care about me or his grade, but I did.
“Scarlett!”
My name sounded far away. My ears were ringing, and I was hot, which was odd for nighttime in spring. The air was heavy, and my clothes reeked. I shouldn’t have stood so close to the bonfire.
“Baby, you need to get out the car,” I heard someone say, but the voice was too low and in agony, and I couldn’t make it out.
“Oh God, Scarlett.”
I tried to open my eyes to whoever was calling my name, but I couldn’t. I was too weak.
I know I said it felt hot, but I started to shake, chills all over my body, and I couldn’t control them.
“Wake up.”
“Wake up, Scar.”
“Baby, please wake up.”
When I opened my eyes, Gavin was looking down at me. His arms were wrapped around me, and I kept shaking.
“You had a nightmare,” he croaked.
I gulped and nodded. It’d been a few months, but my nightmares were a part of me.
“I’m okay.”
Gavin shook his head and gave me a sad smile.
“Don’t lie to me. Not anymore. Not today,” he pleaded. He kissed my temple, his lips lingering. “You remember last year?”
I leaned against his chest, relishing his warmth. How could I forget it? It was right after my parents had passed. A month after, to be precise. I’d gone to school because I didn’t want to be alone, and Gigi had stayed home that day because she was sick. I was so lonely, sad, and tired when I heard someone say I needed to stop being so depressing. I lost it. I screamed because it was suffocating me to stay quiet. My whole world got pulled out of me, and no one cared.
I slammed my desk and threw my books. I had a tantrum in the middle of class. I lost it in front of everyone. I remembered running out. Gavin had found me in the south exit as I was pressed against the wall crying. He’d held me like he was doing now.
“God, Scar, I don’t know how you’re doing it. I know it’s not easy, but if you need anything, call me. Talk to me. Just use me.”
I burrowed closer to Gavin, closing my eyes tightly. I didn’t call him. I didn’t need him, but I did use him. In that stairwell, with my eyes full of tears and my heart bleeding, I kissed Gavin. It was only three seconds, but at that moment, the pain stopped.
“I remember it all,” I mumbled before I fell asleep.
Gavin
I should have gone home. Anywhere rather than in Scarlett’s room while she slept. I always said I wanted her alone, and in a bed, but this was not what I had imagined. Yet I relished the feeling of her body pressed against mine.
I was worried when she didn’t show up to class, so when Dylan said she was a no-show, I ditched and came here. I knew Nick wasn’t home, so maybe I just wanted alone time with Scarlett. It’d been too long since it had been just her and me.