I brushed my mouth across hers before pressing a soft kiss there. “I love you.”
“I love you.”
I leaned back enough to search her stare. “My fucking world.”
The corners of her lips lifted shakily, her head bouncing before she reached up on her toes to steal another kiss. Then she was pulling away from my hold and moving deeper into my room.
I watched as she stopped by my dresser and opened the top drawer. Reaching in for the shirt I always left on top for her. The shirt she liked to wear when she was in my bed and in my arms. Her favorite.
Pretty sure it was mine too.
I took a step toward her, voice like gravel when I asked, “Staying?”
She nodded, but the heat and the need that usually sparked between us when she grabbed that shirt was absent. In its place were relief and exhaustion, mixing with the lingering pain and questions. Reminding me of all the things I hadn’t been giving her—everything she needed.
She needed that physical connection, but she needed me more. To just be there. To hold her. To talk to her.
Forcing myself back the step I’d just taken, I slanted my head in the direction of the door. “Want me to grab food and drinks so we can hide away?”
A gentle smile crossed her face and gripped at my chest. “Please.”
“Then I’ll be back,” I assured her. With one last look at where she stood holding my shirt, I slipped out into the hall and headed for the stairs.
Roughing a hand over my face as my entire being ached to do those things. To be absolutely everything she needed. To go back to being the person I’d been just months ago—where every action and thought and word had been so fucking effortless when it came to Savannah.
But even as I knew I would go downstairs and do what I’d told her. Even as I knew I would go back to my room and try to be open with her the way she needed me to be, I was afraid I would shut down again. Unintentionally push her away as fears of her finding out my deepest regrets consumed me again.
I dragged my hand over my face again as I reached the bottom step and released a shuddering breath.
I can’t keep living like this.
As if in answer to my thoughts and torment, I looked up to see Madison moving away from me, toward the kitchen.
In an instant, I knew what I had to do.
Just as quickly, the anger and resentment that went hand-in-hand with Madison Black the past two months rose to the surface when I finally noticed her. She wasn’t just walking away. She was fucking bouncing.
Again, like there wasn’t a goddamn care in her world. Like she wasn’t suffering. Like she wasn’t being crushed under this guilt.
I let my eyes sweep the area as I headed in that direction, making sure Hunter wasn’t with her or following her. Making sure no one was paying either of us any attention at all. And rushed through the kitchen when I found it empty except for her—bent over one of the large, tin buckets filled with ice and bottles.
With one last glance behind me, confirming we were still alone for now, I grabbed her arm and took her with me. Never slowing as I continued through the kitchen and down the hall that led to the guest room and bathroom.
Once I pulled her into the guest room, she ripped away from me. “Ow!”
I slowly looked over at her. That resentment burning hotter and hotter as I reached for the bedroom door to close it.
“No, no, no,” she said quickly as she lunged forward, grabbing for the door and narrowing her eyes at me. “Are you insane?” she snapped, voice soft and low. “We can’t be in a closed-off room! What if someone finds us?”
I raised my brows knowingly as the morning at the lake house swirled through my mind—when Hunter had almost done exactly that. “What if someone finds us?”
I took the moment of deep pain that flashed across her face, distracting her, to remove her hand and shut the door.
At the sound of it closing, Madison jolted and reached for the knob, turning it so the door was cracked open.
Jesus Christ.
“It’s so much worse if it’s shut,” she said when I slammed it closed, keeping my hand flat on the door and slanting a cold glare at her. Daring her to open it again.
“It’s bad enough,” I argued as I pushed away and began pacing the room.
Hands racing through my hair and body trembling as that blur of a night and the next horrific morning swarmed my mind. As Madison’s reaction to what we had done mixed with her indifference the past two months, fueling my dread and anger.
I can’t keep living like this.
I knew what I needed to do. What we needed to do.
Didn’t make saying it out loud, even to Madison, any easier.
“Beau—”
“I’m telling Savannah.” The words spilled out of me like poison, bringing my pacing to an abrupt stop.
I stared at the wall ahead of me as the energy in the room shifted. As fear burst from the girl near me and coated my skin.
“What? N-no,” she said, voice soft as a breath. “No. You can’t.”
“The fuck I can’t,” I ground out as I looked back at her, all that resentment burning so damn hot until I was trembling for an entirely different reason. Until that red haze was threatening at the edges of my vision. “That’s my world, my future, and every time I look at her, I know I’m keeping something from her.”
“Hunter’s my world!” she cried loudly, then hurried to cover her mouth. Her body shook as she stared at me, the shame that had been absent these past months pouring from her when she continued. “He’s my future too. He’s your brother, and Savannah’s my best friend. We can’t risk our relationships and friendships over an honest mistake.”
“Exactly,” I said as I turned to fully face her. “It was a mistake, Madison.”
“One that will still matter to them. One that will absolutely hurt them. It will cause doubt and suspicion and-and-and put wedges between us all. Hunter can’t know.”
“Will?” Something like a laugh and a huff and pain tore from me as the conversation I’d just had with Savannah played in my mind.
That haze took over completely in an instant, and I was helpless to stop it. Because Madison was talking about what could happen like none of that shit was touching her world—her relationship. And it wasn’t. Because she was fine. She and Hunter were fine. She could turn this remorseful act off and on, but this was fucking with my life.
“Those wedges are already there,” I seethed. “It’s already put a goddamn wedge between Savannah and me. My world. I’ve never kept anything from her before this.” I gestured to her with a jerk of my chin. “You’re fine with lying to my brother, that’s more than fucking clear. But I actually love Savannah.”
The sting of her palm across my cheek came fast and fanned the anger burning in my veins.
My hands clenched tighter where they were already formed into fists as that wrath raced through my veins. My jaw ached from the pressure I was putting on it. But I fought against every reactive instinct. Tried to see Savannah in my mind. Tried to hear her voice.
Tried to force that anger to subside enough to think clearly.
“Fuck you, Beau,” she whispered, voice wavering. “You wanted this silence just as much as I did.”
Sucking in a deep breath once I was sure I was in control of myself, I said, “Here’s how I see it: One day, I’ll put a ring on her finger. One day, I’ll watch her walk down an aisle toward me. And I don’t want a pit of guilt inside me when I do.” I stepped closer to Madison, lowering my voice to hide the pain there. “I don’t want her finding out in the future, feeling even more betrayed and hurt than she needs to because I kept what we did from her.”