Her eyelids squeezed tight before opening again, revealing honey eyes glassy with tears. “No, just—God, Beau, not today.”
“Getting out of the house is something they need right now,” I said firmly. “But this?” I forced out a trembling breath as the reality of the moment hit me like a sledgehammer. “Them leaving with me is something you’ll have to get used to.”
Her body caved, her mouth parting as she struggled to speak.
“Something sure smells good,” someone called out.
Savannah quickly turned back to the range at the voice of one of the guests, hands hovering over the pans for a few seconds like she didn’t know what to do with them before choking out, “Good morning,” just as a couple stepped through the archway. “Breakfast will be done in a little while, but there’s coffee.”
I dipped my head in a nod when they waved in my direction, and quietly left the kitchen when they started asking Savannah about the fire pit out back. By the time I switched out my keys for Savannah’s, Wyatt and Quinn were racing down the stairs, sounding like a herd of elephants.
“It’s early,” I said quietly since we were standing in the entryway, a hint of reprimand in my tone.
Quinn stood up straight, eyes wide, as if just realizing their mistake.
Wyatt covered his mouth to quiet his laughter.
I rolled my eyes and fought a smile, knowing it had to be hard on them to keep it down for that long. “Let’s get out of here.”
“Yeah!” Wyatt yelled, fist-pumping the air.
Quinn smacked his arm. “Shh!”
I flicked her shoulder. “Don’t hit your brother.”
She scoffed, her shoulders sagging dramatically for effect. “But, Daddy, he’s always, always killing me with his lightsaber.”
“Kill him back.” At the lift of her eyebrow that made her look so much like Savannah, I pointed a finger at her. “With lightsabers. Fake ones. Pretend killing. Only. Ever.”
She gave an exaggerated eye roll as she walked outside. “Fine.”
“She’s gotta catch me first,” Wyatt said, all childlike arrogance even though he’d just started outrunning her.
“Speed isn’t everything,” I muttered as I led them to the SUV.
“Yeah-huh. I’m so, super-fast, so nothing can catch me.”
“My brother was so, super-fast, but I was stronger, so I always won,” I told him, leaving out a crucial part of the story.
That I’d won because I was gone to something I hadn’t learned to control. I’d won because nothing could stop me once my world had gone red. And I’d won at destroying whatever had been in my path.
“Uncle Saw?” Quinn asked, wiggling like crazy as she climbed into the car and got into her booster, like the idea of being able to best her brother the way I had mine excited her.
“No.” My gaze fell and my hold on Levi tightened as if I could protect him from the flashes assaulting me.
Bits and pieces of the blur I could remember from that last fight with him just weeks before.
Clearing my throat, I looked at where Wyatt was finishing buckling himself into his own booster seat. “Your uncle Hunter,” I finally answered as I began putting Levi into his car seat.
“I haven’t met my uncle Hunter,” Quinn said thoughtfully.
I nodded, knowing that all too well.
My kids had only known Sawyer until about six months before when Cayson had shown back up in town. But even then, they’d only seen Cayson a couple times, and it’d been brief. There’d been too much disconnect between my family before then. We’d shattered too fully for them to have known Hunter and Cayson.
Just as I was leaning back and grabbing for the door, I paused.
My stare drifted to where the ranch sat on the North side of town as I was hit with the overwhelming need to be surrounded by the people I’d spent so long avoiding. As the soul-gripping urge to give my kids the family I’d been denying them about dropped me to my knees.
Looking into the car again, I asked, “You want to?”
I pushed from my spot at the island and had to stop myself from rushing through the kitchen when I heard the front door open. Forcing my steps to slow, I hurried to look over myself, making sure I didn’t have any miscellaneous ingredients on me and praying my face and hair didn’t look like a wreck.
“Oh my goodness,” someone called out who most definitely was not my husband. “What is that smell?”
“I love this house.”
Emberly and Rae.
“I’m in here,” I said loud enough for them to hear me, then went back over to the island I’d been stationed at nearly the entire morning.
Once I’d finished breakfast and dishes, I’d cleaned until everyone had left for their various activities before the wedding.
The guys were going golfing. The women were heading to some salon out of town.
And my kids weren’t there, and I didn’t have time to break down and think over everything the way people said I needed to.
Not when my kids would be back. Not when I still had guests to take care of.
After beds had been made and towels were replaced, I’d started baking. Because that’s what I did when I was emotional.
Or stressed.
Or happy.
Really, I just baked a lot.
I had cinnamon rolls in the fridge for the morning and blueberry muffins in the oven, and I’d been going out of my mind watching the clock until that door had opened.
“What smells so good?” Rae asked when she and her sister, Emberly, stepped into the kitchen.
“Muffins,” I said, offering a smile when Emberly passed me a coffee from her coffee shop and bar: Brewed. “Thank you.”
“Considering what’s about to go down, I really would’ve preferred something a little harder. But this one doesn’t drink,” she said, pointing to Rae, “and most importantly . . .” She rubbed at her still-flat belly as Rae echoed, “Yes, most importantly.”
I pressed my trembling lips together and forced a tight nod. “How far along are y’all?”
“Ten weeks,” Rae said with a soft smile.
“Fourteen,” Emberly added as she plopped into a chair at the large table.
I made some sound of acknowledgment and smiled.
Tried to.
“That’s so exciting. I can’t believe those boys are gonna be dads. And, Emberly . . .” I gestured to her. “God, I met you the same day I met those boys. I can’t believe you’re gonna be a mom.”
She did an excited little dance before sitting back in the chair and grabbing her drink. “I’m mad at this one though,” she said, using the cup to gesture to where Rae had sat.
Rae just continued smiling.
“This brat has felt amazing since day one, and I still throw up at random,” Emberly continued.
“It’s my gift for being abandoned by our mom,” Rae said, all affectionate teasing.
A sharp laugh burst from Emberly’s chest before her face crumpled and tears started falling down her cheeks.
“Oh God,” Rae said, hurrying out of her seat and over to the one next to Emberly. “It was a joke.”
“I know.” Emberly’s head bounced jerkily before shaking fiercely. “But I think about it, like, all the time now. How could she have done that? I don’t—I just don’t get it.” Gesturing to her stomach with both hands, she let out a soft cry and said, “All I’ve seen is a squishy, fuzzy bear and heard a heartbeat, and I can’t imagine ever being able to do what she did. Who leaves their child?”