“She doesn’t have to—”
“She does,” I said, stopping Madison from putting that idea between us again. After tonight, I knew there was no way to continue without confessing everything to Savannah. “That girl is the answer to my fucked-up soul. She’s my everything. And I’m not gonna risk that because you’re a coward.”
Madison’s shoulders curved in as her head slowly shook. As all that fear and pain she’d been hiding bled from her until she was viciously shaking. “Beau, please. You don’t understand—”
A huff punched from my lungs.
“You don’t understand . . .” Her hands moved to her stomach before they were suddenly in her hair. Gripping at her head as she looked at me, pleading with me with that look alone. “You don’t understand what you’ll be doing to all of us! Risking your relationship by not telling Savannah? Beau, all of our relationships are going to be ruined when you do.”
My stare fell to the floor as her words caused a moment of doubt. Of hesitation. Before I remembered that my relationships were already being ruined, and they would only continue going down that path until we fixed this. Until we could fight for forgiveness.
And I would fight.
For Savannah, I would fight to the ends of the earth to win her heart. To earn her trust again. I would do whatever it took.
Determination built inside me, drowning out the doubt. With a look at Madison that conveyed exactly what I planned to do, I started for the door.
“I think I’m pregnant.”
Chains reached up and brought me to a jarring stop. The world tilted. The room spun. My stomach clenched.
No, no, no. Oh God, no.
“Hunter’s,” she added quickly. “If I even am.”
“If,” I seethed as I looked back at her. “You’re just gonna throw that shit out there when you don’t even know?”
“I’m two weeks late . . . more than.”
I sucked in shallow breaths as I tried to remember when spring break had been and what month we were in now. How long it had been since that wreck of a night.
I’d been sure of the timeline just half an hour before. But at that moment, I couldn’t be sure of anything.
“Shit,” I hissed as I shook my head, trying to clear it.
She lifted her hands in a pleading motion. “See what you’ll be doing. The chances of Hunter and Savannah understanding or forgiving us for what happened are—” She choked on her words, her face creasing with emotion. “Low. So low. But if I’m pregnant? They’re not going to believe what really happened. They’re not going to believe it was a one-time thing—a one-time mistake. Beau, you will be destroying all of us.”
“We already destroyed us,” I murmured. “We’ve already done that, Madison. Don’t you get that?” When her body swayed like her legs might give out on her, I admitted, “I’m afraid when Savannah says she’s going to hang out with you. I fucking hold my breath when she says she talked to you. I can barely look at my brother, and when he mentions you? I feel like I’m gonna snap. When we’re all together? I’m terrified they’re gonna notice something’s wrong between us and figure it out. And if you’re pregnant? Jesus, Madison.” I roughed my hands over my face and sucked in a fortifying breath. “I can’t keep going on like this. This is killing me and hurting my relationship with Savannah. I have to tell her.”
“Then, I’ll go!” she cried out. “I’ll go, I’ll leave. Just don’t do this.”
I stilled, confusion pulsing through my veins and giving way to suspicion as I tried to decode her offer. “What?”
One of her hands loosely gestured to herself before falling, her body shaking so fiercely she could barely speak. “Everything you just said . . . it kept coming back to me. Savannah with me. Talking to me. Hunter talking about me, or us near each other.” Her head moved in a jerky nod as a sob tore from her throat. “I’ll leave.”
“What do you mean, you’ll leave?”
“Leave,” she nearly yelled. “Leave Amber. Leave so this stops, and you won’t do what you’re about to!”
Surprise raced through me before doubt crept in because Madison had been with my brother even longer than I’d been with Savannah. There was no way she’d just leave.
“And how does that not destroy you and my brother?”
She sagged against the wall and silently cried. Hands gripping her stomach and chest as her grief filled the room and mixed with my own.
I studied her tears and her pain. All that emotion I thought she hadn’t been drowning in all this time, but I’d been wrong. She’d just been hiding her agony in a way I couldn’t. Trying to spare my brother and Savannah the same way she was now.
“Hunter will still have you,” she said weakly. “Savannah will have you. You’ll have them. Otherwise? Beau, I can feel it . . . this is destructive. We’ll all end up without each other.”
“That wasn’t an answer.”
“Because you already know that it will. But I would do it for him. I would do it for her.”
But could I?
Could I lie to them about this on top of everything else? Could I watch them break and pretend I wasn’t the reason behind it? Pretend I didn’t know that Madison gave up everything to protect them from something else?
“You’re going to crush them,” I said softly, part of my mind rebelling against the words that were a step into this fucked-up agreement.
A sob escaped her as she nodded, but a crease formed between her brows when she challenged, “Which of the two do you think they can recover from?”
Neither.
The answer rushed onto my tongue but was silenced by Madison’s earlier words.
“If I’m pregnant? They’re not going to believe what really happened.”
That?
I believed that.
Coward . . . I’d called Madison that earlier. But as I dipped my head and started walking away, I knew the title belonged to me.
“Beau, if I—”
“I won’t,” I whispered. “You leave?” I tried to swallow past the knot of shame choking me and looked to the floor when I couldn’t meet her eyes anymore. “I won’t say a thing.”
I slowly walked out of the room, feeling like each step took all my strength. Feeling like that weight on me had tripled. Telling myself to go back and say I couldn’t agree, only for that scenario where Madison was pregnant, and we all lost everything anyway, to play out again.
I rubbed at the excruciating ache in my chest as a curse slipped free, then jerked back when a hand fell to my shoulder.
My heart raced a wild, punishing rhythm when I glanced up to see my dad looking at me curiously, hands raised in mock surrender.
Because I’d grabbed him . . . fucking shit, I’d grabbed my dad.
“Okay there, kid?” he asked when I released the collar of his shirt.
“Yeah, uh . . . yeah.” I tried to clear my throat, but that shame and guilt were so damn thick.
“Getting a drink?”
I blinked slowly, trying to understand his question when my mind was so weighed down with enough secrets and lies to bury me. When he pointed behind me, I turned, taking in the platters of food and buckets of ice and drinks.