Shit, Savannah.
“Yeah,” I said quickly and reached for a plate. “Gonna go hang out with Savannah somewhere quieter.”
A soft huff left him as he grabbed a few bottles of water, setting two in front of me. “That quieter best be somewhere that ain’t your room.”
A grunt rumbled in my chest, earning a laugh from him.
“I’ll be sure to tell myself y’all are off being good kids, somewhere far, far away from a bed.”
“Far away,” I echoed and forced a smirk when he clapped my shoulder.
Once I had the plate full, I grabbed the bottles and slipped up the stairs. Heart growing heavier the higher I climbed.
I wasn’t ready for this.
I’d been prepared to come upstairs and tell Savannah everything, not come back with more secrets. And I couldn’t hide when something was wrong—clearly.
Dragging in a ragged breath, I tried to force all that shame and guilt back and opened my door.
“Hey,” Savannah said from where she was sitting on my bed, legs crossed and bare beneath my shirt. She set down her phone and looked at me in a way she had so often over the past two months, like she was worried about me. “That took a while.”
“Ran into my dad,” I said from where I’d paused just inside my door, wavering as everything shifted and came at me from a new angle.
Madison was giving up everything to protect them and us. But in that, she was condemning me to a life of lying to the woman I loved.
Shit, what have I done?
“You’re here early.”
I slanted a cold glare in Peter Rowe’s direction as he entered the kitchen the next morning, watching as he moved through it like he owned the damn place.
Didn’t matter that we always told our guests to make themselves at home. Didn’t matter that Peter and Savannah had been as close as siblings at one point. That was a long damn time ago. And at the moment, it was pissing me off that he was there. That Savannah was confiding in him instead of me.
“You see too much,” I said, words nothing less than a threat as I went back to watching the coffee brew.
He breathed a laugh as he entered my line of sight again, leaning up against the opposite counter and clutching a bottle of water. “If it makes you feel any better, I’m pushing for y’all to work through this.”
I lifted my chin but kept my eyes on the pot of coffee. After a moment, I muttered, “I wanted to be here before my kids woke up.”
For once.
“Makes sense,” he said as he twisted the cap off his water and started pushing away from the counter. “I’ll stay out of y’alls way today.”
I reached for a mug and then grabbed the pot. “Don’t you have a wedding to go to?”
A huff burst from him. “Yeah, I’m not going.”
I looked over at him before focusing on what I was doing. “That’s your brother.”
“Don’t you remember my brother?”
Of course I did. I’d hated every day I’d been forced to spend near him. He’d tried ruining my life before I’d gone and done that on my own.
Still . . .
I settled against the island again and said, “You should go.”
He let out an exaggerated breath, head shaking like he was trying to figure out why we were talking about this. “Why?”
“Hunter wasn’t at mine and Savannah’s wedding,” I explained. “Not that I wanted him there for certain reasons. But it’s killed me all this time that he wasn’t.”
He studied me for a moment before turning to leave, his head dipping in acknowledgment as he did.
“She’ll come around,” Peter said suddenly. When my only response was the delay in bringing my mug to my mouth, he continued. “Everything that happened? All those emotions are basically just sitting on her, weighing her down and growing because she hasn’t dealt with it yet. Now she’s lashing out at you with all that shit.”
I finally glanced his way, brows slowly drawing together at the confidence in his tone.
Looking like he was holding back whatever he really wanted to say, he waved at me with the bottle and repeated, “She’ll come around.”
I didn’t let his words give me hope. I couldn’t.
Hope was something I couldn’t afford in the hell I was trapped in.
Besides, I didn’t know how much he knew, but it couldn’t have been everything. If it had, he wouldn’t have said that.
Glancing at the clock, I pushed from the island and started the way he’d gone. Taking the stairs up to the second floor and turning to go to our side of the house—where the kids’ and our rooms were. Bypassing where I’d meant to go and continuing to the door at the end of the hall like I was being pulled. Drawn.
The half of my destroyed soul trying to get to its mate.
I stopped just outside our door. Head down and eyes closed as all the pain and regret and guilt I’d been living in came up to consume me. Hand lifted instinctively, reaching for the handle.
For her.
My fingers curled into a fist as I forced my hand back to my side. A ragged exhale tumbling free as I stepped back.
“I’m sorry,” I breathed as I turned and headed to Quinn’s room. Quietly opening the door and moving across the space to where she was curled up in a little ball.
Setting my mug on her nightstand, I sat on the edge of her bed and brushed a knuckle across her cheek, the way I’d done since she was a baby. “Quinn.”
She curled tighter, her face squishing up before relaxing and pulling a soft laugh from me.
After another brush across her cheek, she stretched and lazily opened her eyes. “Hi, Daddy.” Her eyes went wide and she nearly shouted, “Daddy, you’re here!” as she scrambled out of the covers to launch herself at me.
A rumbling laugh built in my chest as I caught her, but her words broke something inside me. The reason for her excitement making all that hurt flare because it was affecting our kids.
“Of course I’m here,” I said through the shards of glass in my throat.
“I miss you in the mornings, but Mommy says you’re real busy. But I think you shouldn’t be busy anymore because Mommy isn’t happy when you’re real busy,” she rambled as she climbed onto my back and wrapped her arms around my neck.
My head moved in a bouncing sort of nod, and I forced a smile that felt like it showed just how slow and excruciating this death was. “I don’t like when I’m busy either.”
Putting one of my hands around both of hers, I stood and relished the loud giggle that burst from her. “Let’s wake your brothers,” I said as I grabbed my coffee and started for the door.
“I wanna wake Wyatt,” she said excitedly.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah, because he woke me up a long time ago.”
My chest shook with a muted laugh. “Got it. Hold tight,” I warned as I released her hands to open Wyatt’s door and stepped inside.
The light coming in from behind the blinds showed Wyatt sitting up in bed, looking groggily around.
I sucked in air through my teeth. “Today isn’t your day, kid.”
“Nuts,” she hissed. “Wyatt, go back to bed.”
His head whipped around to face us as if he’d just realized we were there, then started bobbing in understanding as he sluggishly pulled back his covers and stumbled out of bed. Walk all sorts of unsteady as he met us halfway into the room and smacked into my leg.