“She was trying to save herself and you,” Rae said softly as a tear slipped down her own cheek.
“Oh, shut up,” Emberly mumbled, her shoulders jerking with her hitched breaths as she grabbed Rae’s hand. “You’re just being nice. I already know you don’t like her.”
“But I love you.”
“Love you too.” Emberly wiped at her cheeks with her free hand and focused on me. “Sorry, that’s not why—great, we already made Savannah cry.”
A startled breath fled from me when I realized she was right. I brushed away the tear that was there, standing and muttering, “Hormones,” when the timer sounded.
When I finished pulling the muffins out of the oven, the girls were there. Standing directly beside me. Cheeks still wet but looking at me with a mixture of surprise and expectation.
I jolted back at their unexpected nearness and hurried to put the muffin tin on the counter. “Hi.”
Emberly’s head tilted, brow lifting slightly. “Yeah, hi. How are you?”
“Um . . .”
“How are you feeling?”
I looked between the two of them, not knowing what to say when my world was falling apart, and they were already well aware—at least, they knew most of it. Not the recent parts.
“I wouldn’t think that’s something I really need to answer,” I finally said.
Something like a laugh left Rae. “Maybe not before that little comment of yours.”
I thought back to what I’d last said, confusion weaving through me. “What comment?”
“That’s adorable,” Emberly said as a wry grin crossed her face. “You know, this really is going to be a tough conversation. I’ll make you a drink.”
“You brought me a drink. And I don’t think we need to have whatever conversation you’re expecting,” I added when she started around the island, heading right for where we kept the liquor.
She lifted a shoulder but didn’t stop, grabbing a barstool on the way to stand on. “I brought you coffee. Would you like it with a kick?”
“No thanks.”
“Mimosa?” she asked, then looked to Rae. “It’s still early enough for mimosas, right?”
“Why not?” Rae said with a mischievous grin as she leaned on the counter, searching my face like she was trying to read me.
“I’m really fine, and I—” I pressed a hand to my chest before gesturing to them. “I love y’all, I really do. But this isn’t a great time.”
“The kids and Beau aren’t here,” Emberly said as she grabbed my vodka.
“Emberly, I’m really fine,” I repeated firmly.
“Oh, you meant it’s not a good time for liquor.” Her head slanted. “When will be? Nine months?”
Shock stole across the kitchen, silencing everything for long moments.
After a while, Emberly put the vodka back and gently explained, “You said ‘hormones.’”
“When you realized you were crying,” Rae added when I continued standing there.
“What if I’m PMS-ing?” I asked, voice and body trembling.
“I think you would’ve taken that drink,” Emberly said confidently as she climbed off the barstool.
Rae touched my arm and waited for my attention to shift back to her. “Are you just PMS-ing?”
She and the rest of the kitchen went blurry before I shook my head, my chest lurching as I fought the urge to cry over something that should be celebrated.
“Someone needs to tell these Dixon boys to wrap it up,” Emberly said, forcing a stunned laugh from me as she and Rae pulled me into a hug. When they released me, she asked, “Does he know?”
I let out a swift breath and looked away. “No, I, uh . . .” I shrugged and moved past them, heading for the table. “I haven’t figured out a way to tell him yet.”
“How long have you known?” Rae asked when she took her earlier seat.
“A week,” I admitted, shame coating the word. When I looked at the two, there was no judgment in their eyes, and I was so thankful for it. “We’d been trying before everything happened. The kids—Quinn and Wyatt are so close in age, and we wanted that for Levi too.” A sad laugh tumbled past my lips. “We found out we were pregnant with Wyatt when Quinn was nine months too.”
“You know you have to tell him,” Emberly said after we’d sat in weighted silence for a while. “Even if you . . .” A crease formed between her eyebrows, sadness swirling in her eyes. “Even if you go through with this.”
“What do you mean?”
She briefly glanced at Rae before looking at the table, the tips of her fingers swirling around the lid of her coffee for a moment before she met my stare again. “Beau asked to buy our old condo.”
Her words felt like a crushing blow to the already fragile remains of my marriage.
I’d heard Beau when he’d said he was going to start moving out, and it had terrified me. Paralyzed me.
His moving out was something we couldn’t come back from, I was sure of it. Just as I knew I would need to prevent it. But I hadn’t expected him to already be going through a process as permanent as buying somewhere to live.
“Cayson went to tell him no, but when he came back . . .” She lifted her hand from the cup as if there was nothing she could do. “He said you’d given your wedding ring to Beau and told him he’d lost you.”
My head shook roughly even as I said, “I mean, I did, but I—” I dropped my head into one of my hands as I struggled over this week with Beau and everything that had happened.
The hostility.
The coldness.
All of it from me because I couldn’t seem to give him anything else even though my soul cried out for him.
“That isn’t all,” Rae said, voice soft and foreboding. “Beau showed up with the kids for Saturday breakfast at the ranch this morning.”
Surprise swirled through me but was overshadowed by the dread weighing me down.
“And, um . . .” Her brows lifted and she looked to Emberly for help.
She hesitated for a minute before taking over. “The kids were very excited to see Avalee,” she began. “But then Quinn announced, ‘Guess what! I think my mommy and daddy are getting divorces just like your mommy and daddy.’” Emberly’s stare darted over my face when the air rushed from my body. “Beau just stood there for a second before walking into the other room. He never said anything about it.”
“I—” My chest pitched wildly as I struggled to take a breath. “Oh my God.” I felt dizzy.
I couldn’t breathe.
“I can’t breathe,” I managed to say, pushing from the chair because I needed to move.
I needed air.
“Savannah,” they called out behind me, one of them rushing up and grabbing my arm when I stumbled, but I’d already caught myself on one of the counters.
I pulled away, body shaking until everything bottled up inside of me exploded.
“I don’t want a divorce,” I yelled, turning on them. “I don’t want him to leave. I want him here, but I’m so—” I choked over a sob, my head shaking as tears flowed free. “I’m so fucking mad at him for so many things, and I can’t—God.”