“I will,” she agrees as we walk through the beautiful park area. This campus is amazing, and if I had known about this school, I would have come here. “I can’t believe I’m here.”
“It’s pretty damn awesome.”
“Yeah,” she says softly, and I can tell she’s nervous. It’s always been her, Aviva, and me. Now it’s about to be only her.
“You can call me anytime.” She nods as she smiles. “I will always be there for you.”
“I know.”
“And no matter what, I’ve got your back.”
“I know you do,” she says, wrapping her arms around my arm. “I just worry about Aviva.”
“I’ve got her,” I promise, but she isn’t convinced.
“You’re about to go down the road of love,” she sings sweetly. “You’re going to be so involved with Kirby and Celeste—”
“You two are my family. I love you—”
“But this is the chance for you to start your own family,” she interjects. “This is what Nico is afraid of. I don’t think you realize what could be in your future, or maybe you’re ignoring it.”
I gawk at her. “Who are you?”
“The product of my sister and my aunt Jaylin,” she says proudly, her face bright and so full of life. “I want you to be happy. For the longest time, I thought your career made you happy, but lately, I’ve noticed you need more.”
How does an eighteen-year-old know more about me than me?
“I want more,” I admit, leaning into her. And apparently, I’m all about spewing my feelings today. “I feel sometimes like Aviva has replaced me with Nico.”
She shakes her head gently. “She didn’t. She added. Just as you could add someone to your life.”
We share a smile as her words wiggle into my soul. She’s right. I’ve fought so hard just to be me, to be successful, and now…now, I want more. While I have fears that I could hurt Kirby, I also carry the fear he could hurt me. I could not be enough, which I suspect is why I have never put myself out there.
I go to agree with her just as my phone dings with a text. I pull it out of my back pocket to see the text is from Kirby. When I open it, it’s a picture of my Three Musketeers and Celeste on the beach.
As much as they get on my nerves, they’re good with Celeste. Hope you’re having fun. I can’t wait for you to get back.
My face breaks into a grin as Callie shakes her head. “Man, those dudes are hot.”
I nod. “That they are, my sweet girl. I really like D’Artagnan.”
She nods. “Owen is so, so, so hot. But Evan, man…he’s all silent and sexy.”
“Yeah, I like him a lot. They’re good kids.”
“Hot.”
“Yes, hot,” I agree as I shake my head at her. “Too bad Nico wouldn’t let you have fun.”
She shrugs. “Eh, I’m okay with it. He deals with enough, and when he’s passionate about something, it’s hard to get him off it.”
“I’ve noticed,” I deadpan as she looks up at me.
“He didn’t mean it to be ugly. He’s just truly concerned for Kirby,” she says protectively.
“I know,” I reply. “He just had me in my feelings.”
“He does that. He has no filter whatsoever.”
“That he doesn’t,” I agree as we head to the sports complex. “But it’s okay. He loves you two. That’s all that matters to me.”
“He does,” she says softly, and it’s like she has more to say. “Just don’t hate him, okay? He’s a great guy, and he only loves hard.”
I gaze into her eyes. “I know, Callie. I promise.”
“I know he can be difficult to deal with. He’s just…” Her words trail off, and I wrap her up in my arms.
“It’s fine,” I promise. “I’m a big girl. I’ve been called everything under the moon and have been doubted my whole life. All his words did was fuel me to prove him wrong. Don’t worry.”
She swallows hard as she nods. “I’m the same way. You gifted me that trait.”
My heart sings. “And I couldn’t be prouder.”
She wraps her arms around me, and we walk, holding each other. Sometimes I forget who I have watching me and looking up to me. I may be terrified of Kirby, of the feelings I have for him, but knowing that not only is Callie watching but Celeste, there is only one thing I can do.
I need to find my happiness so they know they can find theirs.
Chapter Sixteen
Kirby
* * *
Jean moves through the kitchen, cleaning up after CC as I stand there like a bump on a log. CC giggles and slaps the tray of her high chair as Jean makes a face at her while she does the dishes. She’s very quick, very efficient, and somehow, she keeps CC engaged as she cleans. Jean’s hair is up in a high bun, and she’s wearing a flowy green baseball tee and some fitted pants. As always, that smile of hers is unstoppable. With the preseason about the start, we’ve upped her hours so CC can get used to being with just her. She still cries for me, which, if I’m honest, makes me feel good. But then I also feel like shit, because I’m unsure how she’ll handle me being gone for days and weeks at a time. It makes me nervous, but Jean is very confident everything will work out.
While this arrangement may work out, the custody issue with Lilly is a whole other ball game. She didn’t show up for court this morning like I knew she wouldn’t, and I am so fucking annoyed I could spit. I tried calling her, but she ignored my call. Willa told me not to try to contact her, to let it be, but I’m so mad. I think that’s why Jean is so diligent about getting everything done before she heads out. To ease my worries and my load.
She’s a damn good girl.
“You got plans this afternoon?”
She beams over at me and nods. “I do. I’m going to go see my dad.”
“That’s nice. He’s over at West Side?” It’s a retirement home the IceCats have visited before.
“Yeah. His mind is gone, real bad dementia. He doesn’t remember me at all, so I only go once a month so I don’t overwhelm him.”
Jesus. That sucks. “Didn’t you say your mom passed?”
She nods, and I regret asking, or better yet, remembering since she already told me all this. It’s obvious her mom’s passing is still a wound that is raw and open. “Yeah, almost ten years now.”
“Yeah, it’s been nine for me for my dad. But we didn’t have a relationship.”
“You said he wasn’t in your life?”
“Not at all,” I say with a shrug. “But I’m good with it. I’ve been through enough therapy, and it only fuels me to be the best dad for my CC.”
“You really are, though,” she agrees, cupping the back of CC’s head. “I’ve nannied for a lot of families, and I can honestly say I’ve never seen a dad like you.”
Pride fills me deep within. Bashfully, I joke, “I pay you to say those kinds of things.”