“Cool. So, answer me this. You’ve hit it, right?”
I glare at Dart since I’m not the least bit surprised by his question. “That’s none of your business.”
He gives me a dull look as Owen says, “We’re homies. We can share.”
“We won’t, though,” I correct them, and Dart isn’t convinced.
“Come on. Just tell me, does she taste expensive?” Surely, he didn’t just ask me that. “Hear me out. I look at her, and all I see is money and all this, like, sexy naughtiness. So just confirm that she tastes expensive.”
She does. “No way,” I say as my phone dings with a notification. I’m excited that it could be Jaylin, but then I see it’s the pizza app, telling me the pizzas are ready. Shit, I picked carryout instead of delivery. I glance over to Dart and Owen. Evan is playing on his phone. “Who drove?”
“Me,” Dart says, still looking very much butthurt.
“Can you run and get the pizzas? I picked carryout.”
“Sure,” he says with a shrug. “Wanna ride, Owen?”
“Yeah. Regular place, Kirb?” he asks as he gets up and they start for the door.
“Yup,” I say, and I don’t miss Dart looking into CC’s room. He’s relentless.
When they’re out the door, I glance over at Evan, and he looks more annoyed than he did before. “Feeling left out?”
He shrugs his shoulders and I can tell he’s about to lie to me, but then he admits, “Yeah. They’ve become buddies, and I get it. Dart is more like Owen than I am. Just thought sharing a womb with Owen would give me the edge.”
I snort. “One would think, but Owen is a very free spirit.”
I actually get a grin out of him at that. “My mom says the same thing.” Pure homesickness creeps across his face. I looked just like he does now when I was living with my coach after my mom left me for her new family. I missed her, wanted her in my life, and the sheer rejection of her not wanting me was brutal. It’s way different for Evan; he is loved, hard. I know. I see the care packages his mom sends, and he calls her in the locker room. He’s a mama’s boy to the extreme.
I eye him. “You doing okay, man?”
He sighs heavily, putting his phone down. “Between you and me?”
“Absolutely. Everyone needs that teammate they can talk to about anything. I may be older, but I got you, bro.”
Evan nods, but he still looks unsure.
“I can help,” I say in a low voice, ready to tell him how I was homesick and how I got through it. “Believe me. I’ve been through it all.”
He meets my gaze once more. “I don’t know. I feel a little lost.”
Oh. Okay. Switching gears. I’ve felt that more times than I’d like to admit, but I don’t want to make this about me. “Okay. Why?”
He searches for the words he wants, but he comes up empty, meeting my gaze. His struggle is visible on his face. After a few moments, he looks down and says, “I can’t explain it and I don’t want to sound like a baby, but I miss my family. I feel like we’re a burden at my cousin’s house with the babies and all, and I don’t know… I just don’t feel secure. I don’t feel like everything is running smoothly.”
There it is. “I hear you,” I say softly. “Totally rational feelings.”
He swallows hard. “I don’t know if you know, but I suffer from pretty intense anxiety.”
“I could tell because I do too,” I admit, and he whips his gaze to mine. “Really?”
“Really,” I say. “Took lots of therapy and a stint with medication to help me.”
He looks away once more, nodding. “My mom wants me to go to therapy since I refuse to go on medication.”
“I mean, therapy is awesome, but medication can be helpful.”
“I don’t want people to think I’m crazy.”
I scoff. “Ev, we’re all crazy,” I joke, and his lips pull up at the side. “It’s okay. And also, who needs to know?”
“Owen,” he admits, and then he sighs. “Or my dad. I don’t want to let him down.”
“Medication and therapy don’t mean you’re letting anyone down,” I reinforce. “And if I know anything about Shea Adler, his kids could be slugs, and he’d love them.”
He grins. “I know, but everyone in my family is successful and driven. Shelli was on Broadway at sixteen, Posey is the first female coach in the NHL, Owen is going to be just like my dad, and my little brother, Quinn, is going to cure cancer. And then there is me. I just feel like I can’t live up to the hype.”
Jesus, talk about some pressure. “But you already are. You are your dad made over—”
“I’m not. My dad is a legend.”
“And you will be too. We just need to work on your confidence.”
He frowns. “I lack that. Pretty sure Owen took it all in the womb.”
We share a laugh. “Yeah, he’s one cocky-ass dude.”
“He is,” he agrees. “I’m terrified of failing,” he says after he looks down at the floor for a moment. “I don’t want to let anyone down, but the thought of getting on that ice and playing in front of people and failing freaks me the fuck out. I dealt with this a bit when I was in high school, but it wasn’t of this magnitude. This is the NHL. I gotta be on it, and I feel like I’m missing the mark.”
“You’re not,” I reassure him. “All this is okay to feel. You have to understand that.”
“I doubt my dad ever felt it, or even Owen.”
I take a deep breath. “I did,” I admit. “I still feel like I’m going to puke before I get on the ice, and it’s okay to feel like that.”
He exhales, and I can tell he needs more. When he meets my gaze once more, I cup his shoulder. “I hope you listen to me when I say you are a great dude and a super-talented hockey player. You’re going to do great things. We just got to get you over this hump. The team has great resources. Want me to get you the info?”
He hesitates. “Will it fuck with my position on the team?”
“No. The great thing about the resources is they are confidential.”
He thinks that over, and when my phone sounds, we both glance down at it. Evan smirks at me.
Jaylin: Thinking of you.
Hot damn, talk about an instant erection. Even when I’m having a heart-to-heart with a kid who is struggling, this girl gets my motor running. A big grin comes over my face as I pick up my phone to write her back.
Me: I can’t stop thinking of you. Can I call you in a bit? I’m having a talk with one of the boys.
Jaylin: Of course. Call me when you can.
Me: Will do.
I set my phone down, looking over at Evan, and he gives me a half grin. “You look like my dad when my mom cooks her famous fried chicken.”
I laugh. “Yeah, I’m super feeling her.”
“She’s really cool.”
“That she is,” I agree as I twirl my phone with my finger on the table. “So, back to what we were discussing. Want me to reach out to my contacts?”
He sucks in a breath and then lets it out loudly. “Yeah, but don’t tell Owen, please.”