“Never.”
“Thanks.”
We share a look, and I know in my soul, this kid is going to be okay.
I’ll make sure of it.
Chapter Seventeen
Kirby
* * *
“Aw, I hate that he feels like that. He’s such a sweet kid.”
I nod, though she can’t see me. I didn’t get to talk to her much last night. When I called after the boys left, she was at Callie’s gymnastics thing. She called when she left, but I was wicked tired and so was she. I’ve been busy with team shit all day and she has been shopping, so this is the first time we can really sit down and talk. We’ve texted, but nothing is as good as hearing her voice and her laugh. Celeste squirms in my arms, and I hold her close, kissing the top of her head. She is very clingy tonight, not wanting to be put down, and I’m unsure why. I know in one of those baby books I read that a child can sense how their parent feels, but I think I’ve done well hiding my anger and anxiety with the whole Lilly bullshit. I still haven’t heard from her, nor has Willa. I’m over it. I feel like she’s going to keep this up, and it makes me so fucking mad.
But I don’t want Celeste to feel any of that. I hold her close to my chest as PAW Patrol plays on the TV. I’m not sure how I feel about these super dogs, but CC loves them. I guess it’s a cute show since, even when she’s in bed, I leave it on the TV. It’s embarrassing how many times I’ve gotten caught up in the story lines.
“Agreed,” I say as I rub CC’s sweet little head. “It’s always hard when you come to a new team. Even with family, I guess. I thought they’d be good, having each other, but Owen and Dart are two peas in a pod.”
“Yeah, I can tell that Evan is very much chill, while they’re balls to the wall.”
“Exactly. I hate that they all won’t make the team.” All of a sudden, I get a sickening feeling in my gut. “Don’t say anything, okay? I probably shouldn’t have told you,” I say, feeling instantly guilty. It wasn’t my place to tell her Evan’s business, but when she asked me how my day went, I word-vomited my conversation with Evan. It’s still so fresh in my mind, especially after sending him an email with all the contact information for the help he needs.
“Never. Totally confidential.”
I feel a little better. “Thank you, Counselor.”
She snickers as CC moves her fingers along my jaw, sucking on her other hand. I think she’s tired. “I adore those triplets.” I roll my eyes, and she laughs at the annoyed sigh that leaves my lips. “Oh, hush. I’m on the phone with you, aren’t I? Also, I don’t do jealousy. If I’m talking to you and I’m with you, you’re the only one I want.”
“I am well aware of that. I let out my annoyed huff because Dart made a comment that I wouldn’t let him hit on you or my nanny,” I lie, and she scoffs.
“Liar. You want me all to yourself.”
“Well, duh.”
She giggles. “Same, Kirb. Same.”
“You got me.”
“Oh yeah?’
“Oh yeah. Actually, Dart asked if we were official.”
“Like, Facebook Official?”
“I don’t have Facebook.”
“Good, it’s a toxic fuck fest.”
I grin. “I thought that was Tinder?”
“No. Tinder is a cesspool of sad singles. Believe me, I know. I just deleted my account.”
My grin grows. “Did you now? When was that?”
She pauses. “Maybe on the ride out?”
“Maybe, huh?”
“Maybe,” she says, and I chuckle as Celeste squirms out of my arms and lies across my lap, kicking her legs on the couch as she continues to suck on her hand.
“That’s an interesting development.”
“It is. I’ve had that account for a very long time.”
“Things must be going better than I thought.”
“I think they are. I mean, it’s early, and maybe I’m being premature with the whole thing—”
“You’re not,” I interrupt. Insist, rather. “I think we’ve got something good going on here.”
“Same,” she agrees softly. “But can we not put a label on it yet?”
I pause. “Can I ask why?”
“I need to work through some things before I slap Taken across my ass.”
I squint, not liking that at all. “Meaning?”
“I’ve got some things I need to get over.”
“Jaylin, I need more here. My mind is racing, telling me you’re still wanting to fuck around instead of fucking around with just me.”
“That’s not it at all,” she almost yells, emotion ringing in her voice. “I just… Ugh, okay. Like I said, I’ve never been in a serious relationship. There are things that go into one that I need to figure out how to do. Being faithful is not one of them. I can be faithful.”
I feel like I need more information, but I can hear the emotion in her voice. “We can do these things together. Let me help you?”
She hesitates. “See, that’s one of them. I’ve never had a guy be there for me or want to help me. I don’t know how to give away control like that.”
I eye the clock above the TV. “I mean, that’s one of the things I like about you. Your independence.”
“I appreciate that, but I worry it may get in the way.”
“Okay. But you do realize that I’m not here to play around. That I want more. I want all of you, not some of you, and I understand that is scary and confusing, but if you aren’t down for that—”
“Jesus Christ. I am so fucking sick of everyone attacking me like this. It’s not that—”
“Attacking you?” I interject, getting protective. “Who the hell is attacking you?”
She pauses once more. “No one. I just feel like I got a bad rap, and it’s not like that. I’m asking for some patience. I don’t know what I am doing here, and I don’t want to hurt you. But I also don’t want to throw myself out there, and somehow I get hurt.”
“One, I will not hurt you. And two, I know someone is attacking you about this, and since you’re with Nico and Aviva, they are the prime suspects.” She doesn’t answer me. “What did they say?”
She doesn’t hesitate this time. “Basically the same thing. That if I’m not in this, I need to walk away. That your intentions are blatantly clear and mine aren’t.”
“They’re not?” Am I missing something?
“Apparently not since I keep getting accused of just wanting to fuck you. I mean, this is like day four of this relationship, and I feel as if everyone has already counted me out. I don’t think it’s fair.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” I say, pulling the phone from my ear and holding it out. I push the FaceTime button and wait for her to answer. She doesn’t do it right away, and I almost think she won’t, but then she does. When she comes on the screen, she isn’t crying, but I can see the tears in her eyes.
“Don’t make fun of my bonnet.”