He held our arms, one in each hand, and escorted us down the street as though we were small children learning how to take our first steps. To Asa, I would always be a child. Maybe it was the butterfly bow in my hair? It made me appear childish, but I wasn’t. I was thirteen. Very slowly, my wardrobe was changing. The hem of my dresses was beginning to lower, a small introduction into women’s fashion.
Yet my big launch into womanhood was when I had an unexpected arrival two months ago. It all started when I woke up. I pulled back the sheets and saw the blood, and when I went to the restroom and lifted my nightgown to look between my legs, my drawers were saturated with blood. Even my inner thighs were smeared with blood.
Dread and fear filled me. My heart began to race as I thought the worst. I dropped my nightgown and ran from the restroom. “I’m dyin’! I’m dyin’! Send for a doctor!” I screamed at the top of my lungs.
I was so loud, Étienne ran from his office, panic-stricken. He met me in the middle of the stairs and tightly clutched my shoulders. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m bleedin’ down there!”
At once, he let go of me as though I was contagious. “Oh, God. Oh, Nat you’re not dyin’.” He ran a hand through his hair lookin’ far less worried and more embarrassed than anything. “I’ll send for Mrs. Pleasonton!” he stated confidently and walked down the stairs as though the matter was solved.
“Mrs. Pleasonton?” I followed behind him. “She’s not a doctor.”
He stopped at the entrance to his office and gave me a sad smile. “No, but she’s a mother. She’ll explain everythin’ far better than any doctor.”
And she did.
That afternoon, Mrs. Pleasonton came prepared and sat down with me in my room. I discovered I wasn’t going to die, and I wasn’t injured. I was simply experiencing my menstruation. She remained as dignified as ever as she removed a package from her handbag and held it out to me as though she was bequeathing me a family necklace passed throughout generations.
“I purchased this on my way here. You will need this on a monthly basis.”
On the package, in red letters, it said, Lister’s Sanitary Towels. Directly beneath it was, SANITARY NAPKINS FOR WOMEN.
I’d seen these at stores in Charleston, but I’d never paid them any mind.
“It’s not the pain that will make you want to lie down, but this dreaded contraption. It’s no better than a diaper.”
Perhaps a diaper might be better. I applied the sanitary towel just as Mrs. Pleasonton instructed, but the contraption was dreadful. It was horribly uncomfortable and constantly shifted in my drawers. Just yesterday, as I walked through the shops with a friend and her sister and momma, I bled all the way through my drawers and chemise. I went about my day, until I heard sniggers behind me. When I looked, there was a group of boys pointing at my dress. I spotted the red stain, and realized I applied the sanity towel wrong.
I always imagined that when I did get my monthlies, I would turn into this radiant woman, filled with confidence and blossoming beauty, but I felt more uncertain than ever before.
I didn’t feel comfortable enough with my friend and her momma to express my humiliation, so I feigned a bellyache and went home. I trusted Mrs. Pleasonton. She would help me like she did before. But I didn’t know how to ask for her support. When I tried to think of the right words, tears would immediately fill my eyes. It made me think of my momma.
Yes, if Asa only knew the changes occurring to me, he would realize I was no longer a small child. I didn’t need to be treated as such. Resentfully, I looked at up at him as he continued to hurry us down the street. His legs were so long, Rainey and I nearly had to run to keep up with him. Sometimes I wondered if he would ever see me as anything other than Étienne and Livingston’s little sister.
Once we arrived at Asa’s car, he released our arms, opened the passenger door, and swept a hand toward the car. “Rainey, Nathalie. Allow me to take you girls home.”
“No need. I can walk.”
“No please. Allow me this honor. And while I walk you to your door, I’ll speak to your brother, Miles, or your momma.”
Rainey slouched in her seat and muttered something under her breath before he could finish his words.
“Pardon? I don’t believe I heard you.”
Rainey stopped morosely staring out the window and looked over at him. “I said you are the killer of all enjoyable moments.”
Asa thought over her words. “I don’t believe anyone has called me that before. But I much rather kill your dangerous enjoyable moments and see you safe.”
“You were a young person once, Asa. Surely you remember what it was like to have fun,” Rainey said.
Asa shook his head. “No, I don’t believe I was.”
Rainey snorted. “Of course. When you were a baby, you saw how dreadful the whole diaper and bottle exchange could be on your pride, so you demanded you skip the entire process and become an adult.”
One side of Asa’s mouth lifted upward. Just a bit.
To that, Rainey had nothing to say. And I remained silent during the entire exchange because I could only think one thing and one thing only.
You’re sitting beside him. You. Are. Sitting. Beside. Him!
My heart nearly screamed the words with glee. I enjoyed this moment because once Étienne got ahold of me, I would get the tongue lashing of my life and wouldn’t be able to sit by a boy, let alone a man, until I had gray hairs.
Promptly, some of my glee dwindled at the wrath that was undoubtedly waiting for me at Belgrave.
Asa stopped in front of the Pleasonton home and looked around me to Rainey. “Shall we?”
“This isn’t my fault,” Rainey stated. “I am a vessel for all of Nat’s bad ideas. If anythin’, I am as surprised as you are, Asa.”
With wide eyes, I pointed a finger at her. “You are a liar! You lie, lie, lie!”
Rainey blinked with wide-eye innocence. “I did no such thing.” She looked to Asa. “If you could tell my momma and Miles that I had nothin’ to do with this, I would greatly appreciate that.”
Fuming, I turned to Asa. “This was her idea. Don’t listen to her!”
“Jesus! Both of you stop talkin’!” Asa hollered. He closed his eyes and rubbed his temples. “Rainey get out, I’m tellin’ the truth.” He opened his eyes and looked directly at her. “That you were involved just as much as Nat.”
Rainey watched him from the corner of her eye. “I do not care for you very much right now.”
At that, Asa chuckled. “I’m sure you don’t. Now let’s get you inside.”
I stayed in the car while Asa walked Rainey toward her fateful doom. Her momma would be upset and angry with Rainey as she always was. I wouldn’t see Rainey for some time, which would be a punishment more for Mrs. Pleasonton than Rainey. After days of Rainey following her around the house begging for freedom, Mrs. Pleasonton would relent, and I would have my best friend back.
Unfortunately, Étienne would not be as forgiving. I’d be lucky to see the light of day for my debut.
A short time later, Asa returned. As he got behind the driver’s seat, he sighed but didn’t say a word. The drive to Belgrave was silent. I tucked my hands beneath my thighs and stared out the window, even though the world was cloaked in darkness.