“Why do you listen to her?” Asa asked bluntly.
“Because she’s my best friend.”
“The two of you are children no longer.”
“You called us girls at the carnival,” I pointed out.
Asa narrowed his eyes. He knew I was right. “Be that as it may, the antics the two of you once got into as little girls is no longer acceptable. What you did tonight was dangerous.”
Quietly, I stared out the window. I bit the inside of my cheek to keep my emotions at bay. I knew I would have to hear the same words from Étienne, and I didn’t want to. Neither of them understood what compelled me and Rainey to go to the carnival tonight. They would never understand.
I remained quiet the entire drive back to Belgrave. When Asa stopped at the front of the porch steps, I hurriedly got out of the car; if I was going to be punished, I might as well get it over with.
Behind me, Asa sighed and slammed his door.
“Nat, please wait.”
I stopped, crossing my arms over my chest.
Asa leaned against his car. “I don’t understand why you’re so angry with me. You know I have to take you home and tell your brother where you were.”
For several seconds I stared at the ground, struggling with my reply. “It’s… it’s that Étienne won’t be pleased and will punish me.”
Asa’s frown deepened. “You knew your brother would punish you if you were caught.”
“Yes, but… I need to speak to Mrs. Pleasonton.”
“Why?”
“Because… because…”
Asa lifted both brows.
“Because I started…” I managed to get out, and suddenly stopped.
“Started?” he encouraged.
My God, I didn’t know if I had ever been this uncomfortable. If the ground opened and swallowed me whole right at this moment, I would be eternally grateful.
“Because I started my monthlies,” I said in one giant rush.
I hadn’t intended to tell him, but I was willing to say anything for this to end.
“Oh,” Asa said with a solemn nod, and then, it was as though he processed the words because his eyes widened, and he gave a quick shake of his head. “Oh! Oh, God.” He regarded me with sheer terror. “Is that even possible? You’re just a little girl.”
I placed my hands on my hips, trying to look as tall and as confident as possible. From Asa’s unmoved expression, I knew I wasn’t very convincing. “I will have you know that I’m thirteen.”
He thought it over before he shook his head. “It can’t be. It just can’t be.”
“Well, it is. And I need to speak to her, or I truly will never leave Belgrave and it won’t be because of Étienne banishin’ me to my room.”
Asa crossed his arms. “Why? What’s wrong?”
With a quiet voice, I explained what occurred yesterday while I was in town with my friend. When I finished, Asa didn’t seem as horrified as he did when he heard about my monthlies. No, he looked furious.
“Nat,” he said slowly. “Those boys were bastards for laughin’, all right?”
Wordlessly, I nodded. Although nothing Asa said would make the humiliation go away. In this way, he reminded me of my brothers. Quick to dismiss the boys as fools and hoped my embarrassment faded.
This was when I desperately needed a momma. If I had one, I wouldn’t have bled through my drawers and humiliated myself.
I tried so hard to fight the tears, but they came on their own. Once Asa spotted them, his eyes widened, almost with fear. He held both of his hands up in front of him and hurried toward me. “No, no, no,” he rushed. “Why are you cryin’?”
Rapidly, I blinked my eyes as though that would help keep the tears from coming, but my efforts were futile. If I thought of Momma during a vulnerable moment, there was no preventing my tears. I dropped my face in my hands. “I miss her.”
“Of course, you do,” Asa said.
Stiffly, he patted my shoulder. I peeked through my fingers and saw Asa standing in front of me. He was as skilled at comforting and consoling as Étienne was.
“Um…um… why don’t we sit down?” he suggested.
I lifted my head as he guided me toward the front steps of Belgrave. Sitting down on the cool marble was refreshing during this dreadful summer heat we were having.
Asa sat beside me. Under most circumstances, I would have been elated, but then I remembered the events of the night and why he brought us to sit here. It would be a miracle if I could bring myself to look at him in the weeks to come.
With the rest of my tears gone, I smoothed my dress over my legs and drew my knees close to my body. Asa and I sat there in silence for quite some time. I looked at him from the corner of my eye and found him solemnly staring straight ahead, toward the driveway, surrounded by trees. I followed his gaze, and soon, my discomfort eased. I stopped picking at the material of my dress and lowered my chin onto my knees.
“Do you still think about cloud houses?” Asa asked.
The question was posed so bluntly that, at first, I didn’t register cloud houses. When I did, I thought carefully of my reply. “At times I do,” I started out slowly. “Not nearly as often as I did when they first passed.”
Asa nodded. “I’ve given it some thought, and I believe Rainey’s daddy is with your family. Don’t you?”
I found myself nodding before he finished his words. “I believe so. It would give me so much comfort if they were together.”
“I’m sure it would.” Asa paused. “If your momma was here now, what do you think she would say to comfort you?”
My heart pounded at his question because it was one I thought of several times. Not once did I think Asa would be the one to ask me about this. Rainey, perhaps, but not Asa.
“I believe she would tell me everythin’ would be all right.” It was painful to speak of her, so I picked at a nail that I couldn’t see in the dark of the night. “She always knew the right words to say at the perfect moments. I think all Mommas have that ability.”
Asa sighed and stretched his legs out in front of him. “Not all Mommas,” he murmured.
My brows knitted together at his comment, but I didn’t say a word. I knew if I asked, he wouldn’t elaborate.
“Your momma was rare,” Asa said.
Sadly, I smiled. “When I was little, close to five or six, I was terrified of the dark. I would wail every night, cryin’ out for her. She would come and lay with me until I fell asleep. As time went on, she would tell me to take deep breaths and name three things I could see around me. If I could, that meant the darkness couldn’t overcome me.” Nervously, my leg bounced up and down, but I continued with my confession. “It worked. My fear was only as great as my imagination would let it be.”
Beside me, Asa nodded. He didn’t say a word for quite some time, and then, “Name three things you can see right now.”
My gaze lifted from my lap. Skeptically, I looked at him and found him solemnly waiting for me to answer. I looked around, out into the darkness. “Well, I see the driveway.” I glanced at the sky. “I see the stars.” My eyes shifted to Asa. “And I see you.”