To Leonora’s great amusement, Louisa’s face bore an utterly bewildered and deeply shocked expression. Then she blinked and swallowed, clearly trying to settle her thoughts. “Quite frankly, Leo, I never thought the day would ever come that you and I would discuss anything remotely scientific. That in itself should prove to you that nothing is impossible.” A deep smile came to her face, and she squeezed Leonora’s hands gently. “You might not feel like it now, but you will heal. You will be yourself again if you find the right man for you. In my experience, it doesn’t matter how people make you feel as long as you have someone by your side who makes you come alive with a single look. That, dear sister, is priceless.”
Warmed by her sister’s words, Leonora nodded, suddenly feeling far from defeated. “You love him very much, do you not?”
As though someone had switched on a light, Louisa’s face began to glow in a way Leonora had never seen before, only ever when her sister gazed upon her husband. “He is a nuisance, that is for sure,” Louisa laughed, “but he is my nuisance. He understands me as no one else can. We can bicker with each other all day, and still fall into each other’s arms at night. He is always there when I need him, and although he might not always see things the way I do, he respects me for who I am.” She inhaled a deep breath of the clear spring air. “Believe me, Leo, we will find such a man for you, someone who is your perfect match in every way. Don’t concern yourself with anyone who makes you feel any less than that but hold out for that one person who can all but read your thoughts, who does not hesitate to stand by your side, who thinks about you every moment you’re not with him.”
Louisa’s words painted a most beautiful image, and Leonora could not help but feel the joy of such affection. Yes, she wanted such a man for herself, and in that moment, she did dare believe that it was possible. She had to give herself time, but eventually, one day, she might all but stumble upon the very man who was meant for her. Just like Louisa and Phineas had been meant for each other. They too had faced obstacles, and yet, they still had found their way to each other.
Leonora hoped with every fiber of her being that one day she would find herself equally happy.
Chapter Nineteen
Breaking Free
“I saw you dance with Lord Sedgwick the other night,” Drake remarked after offering Lady Leonora a glass of lemonade. “I admit, I was surprised you did not refuse him.” Surprised might not have been the perfect word to describe his emotions in that moment. Indeed, what he had felt had been something dark and deeply infuriating.
Gazing out the window of his study, Lady Leonora sighed. “It surprised me as well,” she admitted, then turned to look at him. “I knew I needed to try though. If I ever want to find a husband, I need to push myself into once more mingling with potential suitors.” She heaved a deep sigh. “My sister helped me realize that life will not always be as it is now. It is not stagnant. It is not something fixed in place. It changes, and one day, it might change into something more for me.”
Handing her the glass of lemonade, Drake watched her closely. “You hope to marry?”
“Of course.” She took a sip from her glass. “Does that surprise you? Is marriage not what all young ladies are raised to achieve? I know, my parents are quite unusual when it comes to finding suitable matches for their daughters. In fact, they’ve always urged us to follow our hearts because happiness cannot be found in any other way.”
Drake found their current topic of discussion to be rather unsettling. “It is a wise thought,” he admitted, wondering what life would be like if marriage were based on love instead of other criteria. Would people be happier? “And so, you hope to find a love match?”
Lady Leonora smiled at him, a wistful look coming to her eyes. “I see how happy my parents are, how happy my sister is now. I admit, I never much thought about marriage. I was always too distracted, too preoccupied with other matters. Now, however, I cannot help but wonder what the future holds in store for me on that account. However, whatever it is, I believe I will only be able to reach for it if I push myself back into situations that make me uncomfortable. How else am I ever going to get used to them?”
Drake felt his teeth grit together as he recalled two particular gentlemen. “Would you consider Sedgwick and Gillingham potential candidates?”
Leonora shrugged. “I hardly know. They are both amiable and respectful and possess a mild temperament and impeccable manners. They seem kind and devoted.” The expression upon her face fell.
Drake frowned. “You don’t seem pleased with your assessment.”
Lady Leonora shrugged. “There is no rational reason why I should not be happy with either one of them. Nevertheless, the fact remains that I need to force myself to endure their company.” Her eyes looked up into his, a plea in them as though he had the power to change the world for her. “What am I to do?”
Drake did not know what to tell her. He could not seem to bring himself to utter words that would encourage her to further her acquaintance with these gentlemen. “You continue what you do now,” he finally said, offering her an encouraging nod. “You do what you can until you find yourself no longer reliving…that moment.” He took a step back, almost desperate to change the topic. “Would you like to begin?”
A determined smile came to her features. “I would, yes.” She set down her glass and stepped forward to face him.
The moment they fell into their usual routine, Drake began to feel more comfortable. It was as though the rest of the world fell away, and they were the only two people, locked in his study, living in a world all their own. Her attention was solely focused on him while his was solely focused on her. Nothing and no one else existed, and Drake had to admit that he enjoyed these moments.
Lady Leonora no longer seemed to fear him. Yes, she had even spoken of trusting him. Yet, she had said so from the beginning. Now, however, her eyes no longer widened when he approached. The tremor that had often held her in its grip no longer reared its ugly head. She seemed all but at ease around him, and even when he moved forward to touch her, she did not flinch. Drake did not know what that meant, and he did not dare ask. He was not entirely certain that she was aware of that change in their relationship and her reaction to him.
“Would you like me to show you another way to free yourself should someone grab you, Lady Leonora?” Drake asked, curious to see her response.
Instead of answering, she paused, a slight frown coming to her face as she looked at him in a contemplative manner.
“Is something wrong?” Drake asked, worried that he had pushed her too far. Only she had been so eager this last week, eager to learn more.
Lady Leonora shook her head, a tentative smile playing upon her lips. “No, nothing is wrong. I was merely thinking that…” She broke off, and her eyes moved to settle upon his.
“That what?”
For a moment, she dropped her gaze and inhaled a deep breath. “Well, considering the circumstances of our acquaintance, it just struck me as odd that you continue to address me so formally. I was wondering if you would consider simply calling me Leonora.” A bit of a sheepish smile came to her face as though she feared that he would refuse her request.