Breathe, she heard Drake’s voice in her head. Breathe.
Leonora smiled and did as he bid her, realizing in that moment yet again how much she missed his presence. Perhaps, her sister was right. Perhaps, she should go and see him. Perhaps, she should test Christina’s theory.
“Good day, my ladies,” Lord Gillingham greeted them with a courteous bow of his head. “It is a beautiful day, is it not?”
A few pleasantries and idle chitchat about the weather were exchanged before Lord Gillingham asked Leonora to walk with him. Christina was about to interfere when Leonora stopped her with a hand on her arm. “I would like that, my lord. Thank you.” She cast her sister a reassuring look and then fell into step alongside Lord Gillingham, knowing that her sisters would follow at an appropriate distance.
In truth, Leonora felt no desire to spend time with the young lord. Yes, as she had told herself on numerous occasions, he was kind and amiable. However, as Christina had pointed out recently, objective reasons did not matter when it came to what one’s heart desired.
Yet, Leonora had never been one to jump to conclusions. Indeed, in order to receive a reliable answer, she needed to explore how she felt with regard to any possible explanations. Perhaps, if she spent more time with Lord Gillingham, she would come to feel more at ease in his presence. Perhaps not. However, to be certain, she needed to try. She needed to see if she disliked Lord Sedgwick and Lord Gillingham simply because of who they were or because a part of her had already decided whom she cared for.
“It has been a while since I’ve last seen you at a scientific lecture,” Lord Gillingham remarked as they strolled out into the sunshine. “Have your interests changed?”
Surprised, Leonora looked up at him. “They have not,” she replied as her gaze searched his face. Never before had she seen that spark of curiosity in his eyes. Had it always been there? “I must admit, I’ve never seen you at any of the lectures I attended.” Had she been blind? Or simply too absorbed in the subject matter?
Lord Gillingham smiled at her. “I am not surprised,” he told her as they continued down the path. “When I attend, I do not go there to mingle. I rather stay in the back and listen, careful to absorb everything there is to learn in order to dwell upon it later.”
Leonora found herself laughing. “I cannot say I am any different. More than once, my sisters have remarked upon my absentmindedness whenever my thoughts turn toward these matters.” She sighed deeply, feeling reminded of how much she missed diving into a new mystery. “The world is such a wonderful place, and there are yet so many unanswered questions. Wherever we turn, we see challenges.” She turned to look up at him. “Do you not agree? Is it not wonderful to contemplate all the many things that one day people might take for granted, knowledge we cannot yet fathom?”
Lord Gillingham nodded eagerly. “Indeed, the possibilities are endless. What interests you most?”
Again, they fell into step beside one another, and Leonora was surprised how much at ease she suddenly felt. Was it Lord Gillingham’s presence? Or simply the chance to discuss something very dear to her? “To be honest, what always fascinated me the most is human nature. It is far from a simple science where objectivity reigns. Two plus two equals four; no matter who solves the equation. Only when it comes to who we are and why we do what we do, there are countless possibilities. Something that might be a wonderful experience for one can be a horrible nightmare for another. We cannot all respond to the same stimuli in the same way. It makes me wonder about so many things.” She sighed, and her hands moved in a familiar way as though longing to clutch her beloved notebook closer to her chest. Oh, how she missed it! How she missed observing the world and noting down everything. She missed all those moments she would sit by the window, looking out at nothing, her mind at work, contemplating, reliving. Perhaps it was time for her to open the new notebook and begin again. Perhaps she had finally reached a point where that was possible.
After all, she had already begun with observations of herself. Would observing others truly be such a stretch?
“Would you mind, Lady Leonora,” Lord Gillingham asked, a tentative smile upon his face, “if I were to call on you on the morrow? I would very much like to continue our discussion.”
For a moment, Leonora hesitated, all doubts returning. Then, however, she reminded herself that the only way to leave the past behind was to move forward. “I would very much like that, my lord.” Indeed, when she returned home, she would open the notebook, turn to the next page and begin again.
A deep smile came to Leonora’s face at the thought. A smile she remembered well. A smile she had missed dearly.
Chapter Twenty-Six
A Daring Experiment
Drake was utterly surprised when he spotted Leonora sneak through the gap in the hedge and cross onto his property. Especially after the day at Hyde Park, he had thought that she would not return. He still remembered the look of utter joy upon her face when she and Lord Gillingham had walked down the path along the Serpentine, speaking animatedly with one another. She had seemed completely at ease and even happy in that moment.
The sight had nearly made Drake double over in pain. Of course, he longed to see her happy and carefree. Yet, the thought that it had been Gillingham who had put that smile upon her face cut deep.
Running a hand through his hair, Drake reminded himself that there was no understanding between them. That he had come to care for her was his own foolishness, and he had no right to demand more than she was willing to give. Had he not promised to watch over her? Had he not promised that she would be safe with him?
Indeed, he had, and he needed to banish these wayward thoughts before he did something to hurt her, to destroy the trust she had in him.
Drake inhaled a deep breath as the door to his study swung open, and Leonora stepped inside. Her cheeks were slightly flushed, and when she pulled the hood from her head, Drake could see that her eyes remained lowered, never quite meeting his. She seemed nervous as she had in the beginning of their acquaintance, and once more, Drake cursed himself for overstepping. He should never have spoken to her as he had. Some things were not meant to be said. He could not help but wonder what she saw now when she looked at him.
“Welcome back,” Drake greeted her, taking a careful step forward and holding out his hand to receive her cloak. “I hope you’re well.”
Leonora nodded, her gaze still fluttering around the room as she placed the cloak in his hand. Then she immediately moved away and stepped over to the window. “I am well. Thank you.” She looked down at the tips of her shoes, then slowly lifted her gaze until her eyes finally met his. “I must apologize.”
Drake frowned. That, he had not expected. “Apologize? For what?” In fact, was he not the one who needed to apologize?
Leonora heaved a deep sigh, and her gaze returned to the floor. “I stayed away without a word of explanation.” She glanced up at him. “I’m sorry. I was…” She exhaled a shuddering breath. “I had a lot to think about.”
Drake watched her carefully, wondering about the way she kept her eyes averted. Was it truly because of what had happened between them the last time she had been here? Or was it something else? Could it possibly have something to do with what happened with Lord Sedgwick? “Have you come to a conclusion?” was all Drake dared to ask.