Leonora nodded. “I don’t know what would’ve happened if she had not. I keep wondering if perhaps at a later moment, the threat of his kiss would’ve been too overwhelming for me to ignore. Perhaps I would have found the strength to react. I don’t know. Still, I’m afraid that I would have let him. I don’t know why I would. I know I did not want his kiss.” She shook her head, something helpless in her eyes as she looked at him. “I don’t understand, and…I hate it. I hate not knowing.” Her jaw tightened, and she swallowed. “I need to know. I need to be better prepared.”
Drake nodded, understanding very well how deeply that feeling of powerlessness could wound a soul. “Very well,” he said, uncertain how to begin. Was he simply to reach for her? Pull her close? No, he needed to give her time to react. He needed to move slowly and give her the chance to feel every moment, to feel her fear rise, to feel that sense of paralysis settle over her. Only if she felt it through and through, would she later be able to respond as well.
To defend herself if needed.
“If you change your mind,” Drake told her, holding her gaze to know that she heard him, “if you want me to stop, all you need to do is say so.” His brows rose as he waited for her acknowledgment of his words.
“I know,” Leonora whispered, her breath quickening as she forced herself not to back away.
Drake nodded, then slowly closed the remaining distance between them until the tips of his boots brushed against the hem of her skirts. He watched her chest rise and fall with each breath, her eyes darting from his face before returning again and again. There was uncertainty in her gaze, and yet, at the same time a sense of determination which kept her rooted to the spot.
Slowly, carefully, Drake extended his arms, his hands reaching out to clasp her upper arms. He watched her watching him and wondered if she would change her mind.
If she would lift her hands in defense.
If she would push him away from her.
And then Drake’s hands closed over her upper arms, and he could feel a shiver go through her. Surprisingly, her gaze was suddenly fixed on his. The pulse in her neck hammered wildly, but her breathing seemed to have calmed a bit. Drake wished he knew how she felt in that moment. Terrified? Powerless?
Or perhaps curious?
Tempted even?
He pulled her closer, and she came willingly, no tension in her arms and shoulders. There was no resistance. She did not fight him or struggle. As he pulled her toward him, ever closer, she came.
A kiss freely given.
Her words echoed in his mind, and he wondered if she had put her request to him simply because she was lacking another option or because a part of her truly wanted him to kiss her. Drake could not know, and yet, he needed to, realizing that he did not wish to kiss her if she had to force herself to endure it. If only he could be certain that she would stop him. What if that paralysis fell over her again?
As it had with Sedgwick.
What if she only wanted it to be different with him?
Drake gritted his teeth, worried that she might be completely unable to react, to voice her reluctance. “Stop me,” he whispered, encouraging her, reminding her of what she needed to do should she wish to. “I have no right to kiss you against your will, and you have every right to defend yourself against me.”
“I know,” she whispered in response to his words, and Drake exhaled the breath he had been holding, relieved that her mind was not frozen but able to respond.
Her mouth was no more than a hair’s breath away. He could feel her warm breath against his lips and knew that she could feel him as well. “Fight me, Leo,” he whispered against her lips. It was not what he wanted to say, but it was what she needed to hear.
What she needed to do…should she wish to.
Drake prayed she would not, yet, deep down, he had not anticipated her allowing him so close. He had not expected that he would feel the way he did.
Overwhelmed.
Tempted.
Lost…
…in the moment.
…in her.
A kiss freely given.
Was it possible that a part of her truly felt comfortable kissing him? That a part of her perhaps even wanted to? The thought warmed Drake’s heart and urged him closer still, making him realize how desperately he wanted to kiss her.
How desperately he wanted her to want him to kiss her.
Looking down at her, Drake saw her eyes flutter closed…and then she lifted her chin another fraction and her lips brushed against his.
It was no more than a fleeting touch, and yet, it shot through Drake like a bolt of lightning, erasing everything aside from the desire to feel her in his arms.
Every doubt and hesitation fell from him. He forgot about duty and responsibility. That voice that whispered in his head about right and wrong, always urging him to hold back and show consideration, was suddenly silent. Instead, his pulse thudded in his veins, all but propelling him forward.
Without thought, Drake dipped his head, touching his lips to hers once more. Again, it was only a fleeting touch. Only this time, it was his…and she did not pull away. It was as though she was leaning closer. Was he imagining it?
And then a soft sigh escaped her lips, and the touch of his lips against hers was suddenly no longer fleeting.
His hands pulled her closer as he kissed her, truly kissed her. His lips moved against hers, gently, tenderly. He felt her breath, warm and sweet, and he sank into their kiss as much as he dared. There was still caution within him. He was not mindless, of course. The fear of hurting her, frightening her, pulsed in his blood despite the longing he felt.
“Leo,” he whispered before his lips brushed against hers again. His hands moved, one slinking around to settle upon her back while the other trailed upward. The tips of his fingers brushed against the delicate skin upon her neck, and he felt her shiver. Yet, her lips seemed to move against his. Was he imagining it? Had he completely lost his mind? She couldn’t possibly be—!
Her hands settled upon his middle, and he could feel her warmth even through the layers of fabric separating them. She leaned closer, and this time, Drake was certain that she was kissing him back.
His left hand trailed further upward, brushing along the side of her neck, his thumb skimming over her cheek. He felt the softness of her hair tease his skin before the tips of his fingers brushed upward along the back of her neck until his hand cupped her head, holding her to him. He knew he should not, afraid it would make her feel trapped. Still, he wanted her closer, wrapped in his arms.
For now.
Forever.
That thought unsettled him deeply, and all of a sudden, Drake jerked backward. They all but flew apart, eyes wide, breaths coming fast as they stared at one another. Shock stood upon her face, and Drake cursed himself for losing control, for doing what he wanted and not what she needed. “I’m sorry,” he stammered, trying to regain his composure. “I shouldn’t have. I—”
As he stepped toward her, Leonora backed away. Her eyes were still wide, something vulnerable in them. She looked at him as though she had never seen him before. Something he could not understand flashed in her eyes and lingered upon her face. Had he truly frightened her? Drake could not be certain. He wished he knew what was going through her head in that moment.
“Thank you,” Leonora murmured, a touch of disbelief in her eyes as they swept over him as though trying to discern if their kiss had truly happened or if perhaps it had been nothing more than her imagination. “Thank you.” She briefly dipped her head, her gaze falling from his, before she took a step back. “I need to go.” She cast him a shy smile and then turned and reached for the cloak he had draped over the backrest of a chair.