AJ was going to Bali. In a pair of shorts without his signature cowboy boots. And alone.
Hell might have frozen over. It was October and the first snow dusted the hills and valley. Then it melted before another half inch fell and stayed on the ground.
Winter was coming. Great.
Usually, Asher looked forward to winter, but not this year.
Fuck this year.
Chapter 18
WALKING ACROSS THE DARK, snow-covered landscape, the moon provided a narrow path of white light. It streaked across the snow and pines, like a ghostly, soft beauty. Stars shone in the clear night. The fields around him glowed and appeared to be part of another world.
Asher recalled the night he met Daisy on the bench above the Rydells’ private beach. The night he finally surrendered. The night it all started. But now he was alone in the dark, deep, bitterly cold snow. A metaphor of his life and heart.
What the hell was he doing? Why was he torturing himself? Reliving his pain. The life he wished could be. Awesome. Super fun way to spend an evening. For reasons he couldn’t explain, he opened the front door to his house and walked out to his truck. Then he drove down to the Rydells. He passed the private cemetery where his mother was buried. Every weekday he went to work there.
He drove by his parents’ dark, lonely, sad house as if it were an eyesore. He never went there in the four weeks since his dad left. Parking beside Jack’s horse barns, he walked towards the beach.
The river reflected the moonlight and snow in glorious white ripples. Dressed in heavy clothes to keep him warm, Asher trod the slippery trails, past rows of pines and skeletal cottonwoods to come to the bench.
Startled, he stopped dead in his tracks. Someone was sitting there. He checked his phone and saw it was well past ten. Who the hell would be out there now? His heart skipped a beat. Daisy? He wasn’t aware she was back home. But she could have been. No, it wasn’t her. The head was too big and the body too tall from the back of the bench. The dark shadows prevented Asher from identifying who it was.
Walking forward, the snow crunched under his feet.
He stopped a few feet back.
“Dad?”
Asher couldn’t believe he was staring at AJ Reed’s form. His dad turned at hearing Asher call him.
AJ wasn’t appropriately dressed for the weather. He wore regular pants and a coat, but they were not designed for snow. It was too cold to dress so casually. Even in the moonlight, Asher could see the tan on AJ’s face.
“What are you doing? How long have you been here? Why didn’t you call me?” He was so perplexed, he realized he was repeating himself and babbling.
“Hey, Asher. I didn’t expect to find you here.”
“I didn’t expect you either.”
“Sit down. Please.”
“What are you doing here?” he asked again.
AJ gave him a small smile and turned his head to stare at the river. “Just enjoying the river. It always signified home to me, and I love that noise. The soft background of my life here.”
“Dad?” Asher never heard his dad sound so sentimental. “What’s going on? How was your trip?”
Of course, he knew his dad was due to return from Bali soon, but not today.
“It was… many things.”
“What does that mean?”
“First, tell me this: how did you happen to come down here?”
Asher ducked his head and stared at his feet, embarrassed to admit the reason. He was mindlessly skulking around the ranch on a dark, cold, snowy night. But hell, after losing so much, honesty was something they needed to share. “Daisy and I first got together on a night like this. Almost on this exact date. I was just—”
“Remembering?”
Asher cleared his throat, scooting around with obvious discomfort about discussing this out loud. “Yeah. That.”
“I was too.”
They sat in charged, sad silence.
Asher thought they were done until AJ cleared his throat. “That was what I was sitting here reflecting on.”
“What was?”
“You.”
“Me? How? Tell me what you mean when you say that your trip was many things.”
AJ nodded. “Some explanation required, huh? I’ll bet you all have questions. I intended to tell all of you at the same time, but maybe it was meant to be this way. We so rarely come here at a time like this, but here we are.”
“True. Here we are. What? What’s going on? Are you moving to Bali?”
Fear twisted Asher’s stomach and the acid filled his throat at the thought.
“No. Not at all. Going there simply clarified things for me.”
“Dad, please just tell me what you want to say. We’ve all been so worried since Mom—”
AJ turned to face him. “Yes, I realize that. And I’ve worried about all of you. So, I respected your mom’s insistence on having a bucket list. She made the plans. They were her dreams. I simply can’t do it alone. Not my plans or dreams. Does that make any sense? I was just going to the places, and looking at things, and eating different foods while wondering the entire time what the hell am I doing? This isn’t for me. It could only work for me with your mom.”
“That makes a lot of sense. One more thing you lost.”
“Yeah. I lost my entire life, my dreams and my plans. But I’m not dead yet and Kate would never allow me to give up. She’d be furious if I did that. You, Cami, and Charlie and the boys are my reasons for living now.”
That sounded like his mom and maybe AJ too before she died. “And?”
“And I still need and want to be that person. A good dad to you all. Part of your lives. You represent all that I have left and it’s pretty significant. I lost sight of that for a bit.”
“Understandable. We all did. Maybe we still do.”
“I decided to make new plans. Designed for me, alone. Not me and your mother together. I retired to spend more time with her. To experience a new life with her, and exciting changes. But obviously, that never happened. I still have streaks of anger and regret that I have to work out. Bali did show me one thing however.”
“Which is?”
“I like to work. I’m a ranch hand. I always was and now, I think I need to be.”
“You want to go back to work?”
“I have to go back to work, Asher. I need a goal, a purpose, an anchor. Without your mother, I’m just wilting inside that house. Work gives me something to do and a place to go every day. So yes. And I have something else on my mind.”
“What?”
“It concerns you.”
“Me? How?”
“Why did you let Daisy go back? Do you love her or not?”
Startled, Asher stared open-mouthed at his dad’s blunt question. AJ never inquired about romantic matters with Asher. “Why are you asking?”
“Many reasons. But now that your mother is no longer here to tell me, it’s on me to ask. To check in with my children. I was unaware of my emotions and feelings when I met your mom. But after spending decades with her, she taught me many things and now it’s time I put them into action.”
“Wow.” Asher blinked, never expecting his dad to speak like this.
“Anyway, so answer me what happened with Daisy? Don’t you love her?”