It didn’t.
In his guts, Asher knew that. And his mom knew it too. Daisy might still love Asher, but not enough to stay and give up huge chunks of her goals and dreams for it. As she shouldn’t. It would never work out.
Asher would lose her at some point. Or she’d end up sorry and unhappy, seeing her life as a disappointment instead of an exciting adventure. Or hell, even worse. He could end up like AJ, standing before a crowd at her funeral, trying to articulate his love and loss. It had to end. Maybe it would be easier now though.
Daisy shifted until she rested fully against his side. She wrapped her hands around his waist and held him close, snuggling against his upper arm. He almost leaned over to kiss the top of her head. That would have been the usual response. For both of them. But they could not be themselves now. The impediments were too great between the physical distance and their career choices. Heartache could only follow if either one sacrificed the things most important to them. Either he would or she would. Asher was weary and unprepared to make that choice. He wasn’t sure which was right. And there was no point in trying to choose when his frame of mind and reference table were so skewed by exhaustion.
“You need to go back,” Asher said, opening his eyes wider without kissing her head.
She looked up and stared at him. He didn’t glance down but knew her heated gaze was fastened on his profile.
“Back to the reception?” Her puzzled tone revealed her confusion.
“No, back to work. To Chicago. To your former life. This was good. And very helpful. But it isn’t real. I—I don’t want it to be. The same reasons from years ago still apply. They always will. I don’t want to go through that again.”
“Maybe it’s too late and we need to have another discussion. Maybe that’s not the right answer now. We’re together, Asher. Right now, at this moment, we’re from very different places and—”
“I don’t want to go there, Daisy. I’m tired, no, I’m exhausted. I can’t decide about us again. Just understand this, I did need you beside me and you got me through this week. But I have to live with it now. Here alone. And—”
“It might work out this time.”
“It might not. Probably not.”
She didn’t answer but released him from her arms and sat up straight behind him. As usual, silence descended between them.
Daisy paused and said in a low, easy tone, “Do you remember the last time we were up here?”
Asher smiled to himself. “Yeah. Of course. You revealed a shocking secret to me. I had to pretend you were not my pseudo cousin because of it.”
“It was all about family then and it is now. But a different kind of family. The kind we choose. And if today taught us anything, it was that family is the end goal. I choose you, Asher. I should have chosen you five years ago. But this time, I can, and I will because I want to. It’s very different now.” She gripped his shoulder again, digging her fingertips deep into his flesh.
“I don’t want to,” he said softly, as if to lessen the impact of his words and its negative effect on her. “I don’t choose it. I don’t choose you or us. I want you to go home, Daisy. Back to your life in Chicago and let me go back to mine. This was a crisis for everyone. Now we get a reprieve. But I can’t go on pretending. It took me years to get over you. I don’t want to do that right after losing my mom. My mom’s death is all I can handle right now. Please try to understand that I can’t face the issues between us. I just can’t.”
Daisy’s body tensed beside him as he spoke. Asher expected her to launch into her own lecture, but by the end of his explanation and his whispered, pathetic plea, she seemed to deflate like an innertube on a sharp rock.
“Asher, what if it all worked and we—”
“You don’t live here. Or work here. And I live on the ranch. It’s not like I can sell it. Who’d buy it? It’d take me twenty years to sell. I don’t have anything else to do, but that place right now is something I need. My escape. My purpose in life. And that ranch is it for now. It’s all I have the capacity to handle.”
He stole a glance at her. Her mouth opened and closed without a sound and more tears fell. This time, was she crying for them? He suspected so.
“You’re so wrong, Asher. About all of this.”
“It’s what I need right now. Please try to understand me.”
How could she argue that? Asher dealt the one card she did not have the heart to battle now: his pathetic depression after his mother’s death. So, he wasn’t surprised when she wiped her eyes, and pulled her knees to her chest, making herself a small, sad ball.
“You play dirty,” she quietly muttered.
He sucked in some air and wished the swirling confusion in his tired head would end. Sadness. Loss. Aching. Having Daisy. Never wanting to lose her again. His clear aversion to another breakup was what won the day. “I don’t mean to, but it’s what I need right now.”
She finally rose to her feet stiffly. He didn’t look at her. “I can’t argue with you after your mother’s funeral. But I don’t agree. I want to talk some more. To explore the options—for us. But timing is everything. And this isn’t the right time.” A small pause passed before her tone sounded chagrinned. “Our timing has never been right or in our favor. But I will be waiting and available. I’m ready to talk whenever you are. Please come see me when you are, Asher. It is what I want.”
Her shoes made a soft scraping sound as she swished past him. He counted her footsteps: one, two, three… ten… fifteen until the hatch door banged. She was gone. He could finally breathe. He inhaled a harsh gasp and shuddered as he released it.
At least, he could cope now. He planned to work until his exhaustion forced him to fall nearly comatose into his bed. He strove to physically push himself so hard that no thoughts or feelings could torment him. The life he suspected he was meant to have required that he be alone. Working hard with the help of his dad, Asher envisioned the two of them becoming old bachelors together. It didn’t sound so bad to him anymore. He tried relationships. But no woman could fit with his lifestyle, although Daisy was almost suitable. What did he learn? He preferred to be alone if he couldn’t have Daisy. Asher no longer sought a relationship with Daisy. It was too dear a price to consider now. He wasn’t lying about it; he abandoned the struggle.
Now he just had to survive tonight and tomorrow. The anxiety built. One moment borrowed the next and the next after that. Breathe. Daisy was right about that.
He wished she would be right there at his side, the way he wanted and needed her. But that was selfish. He feared he would lose her eventually. Better to face reality and cut his losses.
Daisy prepared to leave. She packed up her stuff from his bedroom while he was still at the reception. She wiped the tears that kept falling down her cheeks and tried to accept this new reality. Kate was dead. Asher was hurting. He told her to leave. And maybe he was right. Sharing grief wasn’t the strongest foundation, but it could become important. Daisy had a job and a career to get back to. She couldn’t just leave her life in the lurch. She refused to reorient herself into a whole new pattern and decided to go back.