I laugh so hard, people in the dining room turn and stare at us.
“That’s fucking genius!” I say.
“Yes. People might figure that one out if they overhear us, so we’ll keep calling it Operation Romper. Anyway, sorry, I interrupted you. Go on.”
“I was saying I don’t really know where these next few months are going, Sky. But I’m glad we’re doing this. And I think we can help each other grow.”
She wiggles her eyebrows. “I’ll help you grow.”
I grin. “For someone with a hang up about sex, you certainly like alluding to it.”
“So what are you going to do, oh doctor, to help me grow? Sorry I can’t say that without sounding dirty.”
I pause, finish the last of my coffee, and think for a moment.
“This hang up you’ve got about doing very dirty things. Do you have it with me?”
“No. I love doing them with you.”
I lean in and whisper, “You like it when I ask you who’s your daddy, don’t you?”
“You’re going to make me turn red, Lucas.”
“I’m thinking. You lost your virginity in a way that was no fun…you’ve alluded to the fact that sex with Federico was—”
“Mechanical,” she finishes my sentence.
“Well, how about I take you out, give you the best night of your life,” I say.
“Come again?”
“We go out to the Rose Dinner, my fraternity’s formal, we wine, we dine, we flirt and dance and play and then—finally—we go all the way. If you’re ready. How does that sound?”
She twirls a lock of her hair. “Sounds like something my boyfriend might do.”
I can’t help but grimace slightly.
“You doing okay there, killer?” she asks.
“It’s not you, it’s the word.”
She shakes her head playfully. “You want to take my virginity and you can’t even call me your girlfriend. Tsk tsk.”
“It’s not you, it’s the word,” I repeat.
“Maybe we can talk about your hangups at this dinner.”
I gulp. “This dinner is all about you, Cielo.”
“Nice. Now I know you say my Spanish name when you want to distract me.”
“What can I say? I might be more avoidant than you.”
She laughs. “So when do we do this?”
“Sunday.”
“The Lord’s day,” she jokes.
“I can’t wait to walk on water with you.”
She snorts laughing. “That is oh-so-wrong.”
“What? You already call me God when I go down on you.”
“I’m not calling you God, I’m just saying, ‘oh God.’”
I shrug. “Same difference.”
Leaning in, she says, “Even if we’re waiting until then to go all the way…we can still go back to my place right now. Because there’s some other water that needs attending to.”
“Fuck, Sky. You’re making me so hard.”
“There’s a cure for that, you know.”
“Which is?”
We both lean across the table and kiss in the middle of the dining room, with everyone watching.
“I think you know,” Sky whispers.
And holy fuck, Operation Romper must be convincing as hell. Because it’s becoming more and more real.
14
Sky
I stare at Luke’s text as I get ready for tonight.
Luke: It’s showtime tonight, baby. Bring your A game, because we’re sitting at a table with Ryan and Jennifer tonight. You ready to play?
I never thought I’d be attending a fraternity formal in college—I tried to stay far away from frat guys—but life is strange sometimes.
In general, I’m not a huge fan of formal dances. Maybe that’s another layover from high school.
On prom night my senior year, I’d finally broken up with AJ McDickface and was not in any way ready for a new man.
In fact, I’d gone with a guy a year younger than me, who I had put firmly in the friend zone. I joked about how good of friends we were all night so he wouldn’t get the wrong impression. He didn’t, slow dancing with me, hands high on my waist, he did nothing inappropriate.
He dropped me off and kissed me on the cheek goodnight by 11 p.m. I thanked him and that was that.
I felt no butterflies in my stomach, and I was in complete control that entire night, every step of the way. It was a beautiful night and that’s just how I wanted to feel: in total control. After being with Mr. Controlling McDickface, it was a welcome change.
So right now, as I get dressed for the Gamma Rose formal, I feel, I suppose, how I would have felt on prom night if I went with a guy I actually liked: nervous as hell.
Plus, there’s the fact that we’ve decided tonight is the night we’re going to do…it. After our lunchtime conversation, I realized that there is really no one I’ve ever known yet, aside from Luke, who might be able to recreate my connotation with sex to make it a good one.
As I get ready, I can’t help but ponder a few questions.
Will things change between he and I?
Will we be able to go back to being friends?
A nagging thought crops up in my mind though, as I put my makeup on.
What about the fact that I’ve applied to the Peace Corps and I’m planning to live abroad for two years after college?
A shiver runs through me and I wiggle my body and I try not to think about what will happen after that. It’s months from now, anyway. I don’t even have an exact date of departure. Then I still have to complete one more interview for the Peace Corps to finalize my placement.
I’m getting way ahead of myself.
Luke is right about me never having had what I would call an above average sexual experience though.
I smirk thinking about his expression as I described the qualities I like about Luke to Luke, but made him think I was talking about someone else. He tried to mask it, but I could tell he was getting jealous thinking about me with another man. I appreciated the fact that he wanted to ask me questions and get to the bottom of me, though. No man I’ve been with has ever actually asked me that question.
What do you want, Sky?
They all just wanted to take what they wanted.
He’s asked me twice in the past week. I’ve never had a partner—in the middle of an elaborate piece of performance art or not—who has been so intent on not only learning my wants, but encouraging me to have new desires, wherever that might lead me.
Life is about learning experiences, but it’s painful to look at the person you used to be and honestly gauge those mistakes.
I shouldn’t have dated loser quarterback AJ.
Maybe I stayed with Federico for so long because he was distant emotionally and I didn’t want to handle a true connection. It was easy to stay in my comfort zone with Federico. With Luke, I feel like I’m being challenged. And I like it.
When you think too long about those regrets, you can head down a road that isn’t healthy. Because you can’t change who you were in the past.
I just wish I would have been willing to risk being with a guy I did really like, and who appreciated me for me and not because I was his little porno sex doll.