“How about you give your Auntie Ash a big sloppy kiss?” Ash reaches her hands out for her nephew. E practically jumps from Dillon’s arms into Ash’s, dropping a slew of sloppy kisses on her cheek. Ash lets him climb onto her back, and they race off down the hallway.
I trail after Ash and Easton while Dillon closes the door. He runs to catch up to me. “For you,” he says, handing me a long-stemmed white rose. Our fingers graze as I take it from him, and little tingles spread up my arm, reminding me I am still very much alive. “I told you once white roses symbolize rebirth and new beginnings, but they also symbolize peace, innocence, and love. I thought we could plant some white rose bushes in honor of Lainey. I have everything outside, but if it’s too much, we don’t have to do it.”
I stop walking, and my lower lip wobbles as emotion washes over me. I fight to regain control, smiling softly at him as I bury my nose in the silky petals, inhaling the familiar lemony scent. “That’s a lovely idea and very thoughtful,” I choke out. “Thank you.”
“I also wanted to run an idea by you,” he says, dragging a hand through his hair.
Blond strands tumble across his brow, and nostalgia slaps me in the face. Today is really doing a number on me. “What is it?”
“I want to build a memorial for Reeve and Lainey in your back garden. I thought Easton could help me with it. We can plant shrubs and roses and maybe erect a plaque against one of the trees and install a little stone bench. That way, East would have someplace he could go when he feels sad or he wants to talk to them.”
“Dillon,” I whisper as tears stream down my face. I clutch a hand to my chest. “That would be perfect,” I sob.
Without hesitation, he pulls me into his arms, and I let him console me. I shut my eyes, letting his spicy scent wrap around me as he holds me close. I rest my head against his chest, and we stand there for an indeterminable time, just hugging one another.
Hugs are so underrated.
It feels so incredibly good to be held again.
To be held by him.
I jerk away from Dillon the second that thought lands in my mind, swiping the remaining moisture from my cheeks. “We should find the others.”
He nods, looking sad as he shoves his hands in the pockets of his jean shorts. “I thought we could start the garden next week, if that’s okay with you? I’d like to have it finished before East returns to school.”
Easton starts kindergarten in ten days, but I’m having huge reservations. However, I don’t want to think about that today. “Next week is good.” I snap my gaze to his, instantly snared in his gorgeous blue eyes. I asked him not to wear the green contacts because I love him with blond hair and blue eyes. He’s a beautiful man, and he shouldn’t have to hide his eyes because he’s afraid of upsetting me.
The truth is, I want to see his blue peepers. His eyes are the mirror image of my son’s. Those eyes are familiar because I’ve looked into them most every day of my life, but looking at Dillon isn’t like looking at Reeve. That would be wrong on so many levels. No, seeing Dillon with blue eyes helps me to see him in a different light, and it offers me comfort. “Thank you. It’s a really nice gesture.”
“I see how much he misses him. I want to help.”
I nod, releasing a large breath as we resume walking.
“Before we get into the pool, I want to give you and East a tour of my studio.”
“I’d like to see it.”
“Cool. Come on.” He lifts one shoulder. “We’ll grab the little guy before he makes a beeline for the water.”
Ash comes with us, but we leave Ro and Jamie lounging around Dillon’s large outdoor pool. Dillon has a stone path that leads around the side of his house and all the way to the studio.
The studio is much larger on the inside than it appears from the outside and very stylish with high ceilings, asymmetric walls, and wooden floors. “This is the control room,” Dillon explains to East as we step into a small rectangular room. A long console with tons of buttons rests under a glass window that looks into the studio beyond. A bunch of high-tech laptops and other gadgets fill the rest of the space in this room.
“What are these for?” East asks, gravitating toward the mixing console like a moth to a flame.
“That’s for our sound engineers. They listen to the music and the songs as we record them, and they route the sound so it’s balanced and adjusted.”
“Awesome,” East says, nodding as if he understands what that means. He sits in one of the large chairs, pushing buttons while Dillon gazes adoringly at him.
“He’s an incredible little boy,” Ash whispers, as we lean back against the wall, watching father and son. “Dillon never stops talking about him. The only other time I’ve seen him this happy was—”
“Yeah.” I cut her off, unable to hear her vocalize it.
“It’s okay to admit it, Viv. He’s a part of your past, your present, and your future. I know your relationship isn’t the same, but it’s okay to admit you made each other happy.”
“I can’t think about that, Ash. Especially not today. It feels like too big of a betrayal to Reeve.”
“I’ll shut up, in a sec, because the last thing I want to do is upset you today.” She steps in front of me as Dillon and East climb out of the chairs and exit the room. “I’m just going to say this, and there is no intent behind it. I know there is a lot of love between you and my brother. I know there are a lot of unresolved feelings. There is no pressure or expectation on you to feel a certain way, but I want you to know if you still have feelings for him, and if you ever want to act on them, that it’s fine.”
“Ash. It’s three months next week since Reeve died. Only three months. It’s too soon to even think about anyone else.”
“There is no timeline for this kind of situation, and no one should tell you what’s in your heart. I would never push you in Dillon’s direction. I would never force you to do anything you didn’t want to do. I’m just saying it’s okay to love him. Whether that’s now, next week, next month, or next year, it’s no one’s business but your own. Don’t close your heart out of guilt or fear.”
She makes it sound so simple. But it’s not. Can you just imagine what the world would think if I started something back up with Dillon? I can visualize the horrid headlines already.
“Mommy!” Easton’s high-pitched shriek almost bursts my eardrums. “You gotta see this,” he screams.
“Such impeccable timing,” Ash murmurs, grinning as she loops her arm in mine. “I think that’s enough of the heavy for today. Come on. I think I know why the little munchkin is so excited.”
Ash leads me past the door to the recording studio, but I sneak a quick peek as we walk by. Various mic stands are dotted around the room, and a bunch of different guitars is propped against the walls. A few guitar cases lie flat on the floor. Ro’s drum kit is situated at the back of the space. Framed pictures cover the wall, celebrating their various gold and platinum albums and the numerous accolades and awards the band has won.
“I think we have a budding rock star in the making,” Ash says, dragging me past the room to the next door where East and Dillon are.